Okay, wow. Never thought I'd be making another blog pertaining to my lack of meaningful activity on the Wikia. Ah, fuck it. In doesn't need to be said but after Sei's most recent blog, I figured I'd finally speak my peace. I'm no fan of any Wikia that is overrun with an infestation of pretentious ass holes that act like they deserve a fucking Nobel Peace Prize for contributing to a fictional continuity. I've had my personal run-ins with people like that over on Powerlisting, and I don't give a fuck if any of them see this (which they probably won't) or not.
That being said, something Xilinoc wrote reminded me of something I was always trying to push deep down and ignore. Everything I write, most is a "badly written, unoriginal, plagiarizing, and unnecessarily grandiose prose-filled" piece of shit. Which explains why I hardly write for Bleach anymore or anything else for that matter. Hell, I haven't even begun to write entries in my journal. It's not that I've lost any vigor for those things, it's just that I expect them to meet mine standards. I know that literally no one expects perfection of me. But God damn it, I expect it. I expect to be proud of my creations, not cringe every time I see them. My mind literally locks up every time I sit at my computer because I know that it's not going to be what I envision.
Maybe it was my upbringing or feeling like I can't afford a mistake. I just get so fucking frustrated with myself sometimes, the goals I try to grasp are so out of reach that I feel like an idiot just for thinking of it, and that's not even with the help of people who try to put me down, but I don't give them that pleasure. The world needs creators to push it towards its next stage in development. Not destroyers who want to see the world burn because they perceive their existence to be meaningless (I won't lie, I was one of the later for the longest of time). All these things are reflected in my writing or lack thereof. Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing this to elicit sympathy because at the end of the day it won't help my situation.