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Applications in Progress

Note: Please pay heed to the passed applications located at the tab above this note for examples how you should present your character for the committee to review. Since all applications must be responded first and foremost by me, as I will use that chance to tell you which committee members will be the ones reviewing your character (since we may or may not need to replace and/or add back-ups to the committee), and from there, the committee can then begin grading your characters. Despite the exam's rules not starting until Friday, you are allowed to submit your character early if it is ready. Please remember... to sign all of your posts! --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 01:23, July 4, 2014 (UTC)

Additional Note: If you have failed your application and haven't reapplied in over a month, your old records below may be deleted in order to maintain housekeeping on this talk page and to reduce clutter. If there were notes on the application that you need in order to retake the assessment, please ask me personally to retrieve the information and I will post it directly to your message wall. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 14:31, September 5, 2014 (UTC)

User: Kobaruon[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Fail
Please do not edit this application.

Rōkurō Yamanosuke Kobaruon 07:47, July 8, 2014 (UTC)

Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou Assessment

I'm afraid I have to make this short, since I'm working on an assignment at the moment for my summer class, so I will rely on the other members of the committee to further explain how your article is. His Appearance section is pretty basic, his Personality section looks rather a-okay, and his History section appears to also be in order. His slew of abilities are all rather balanced and seem to all make sense for a person of the sixth seat, except... "Despite being a mere Sixth Seat, Rōkurō has demonstrated power equivalent to that of a Lieutenant level Shinigami." In case you didn't read the rules, you are supposed to make a character of fourth seat level power or below, not just in rank. Otherwise the entire point of this exam is meaningless. So I can't pass you for this until that aspect is changed. Furthermore, the other issue I have with Rokuro is his Zanpakuto, in that I think you are trying way too hard. Zanpakuto, and Shinigami for that matter, are meant to purify Hollows and allow other souls passage to Soul Society through Konso before they turn into Hollows. The entire nature of his Zanpakuto is completely contradictory for this basic principle, and quite honestly, I would advise you to choose a more fitting ability for a Zanpakuto that is being held by a Shinigami officer of the Gotei 13, since... I'm pretty sure Central 46 would throw his ass into the maggot's nest if he carried an ability like that. It just doesn't make sense for an officer to be allowed to carry a weapon with such an ability. But to be honest, my main issue that has to be corrected is the entire "lieutenant level in power" thing.

Total Points: 70/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 04:58, July 22, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:

  • Appearance: It serves its purpose but levying my usual complaint, there's not much detail going into the character's appearance besides the clothing. No unique characteristics, and no defining of his face or physical make up. Describing the Shinigami uniform is also somewhat pointless, why do I need to know these details when the character isn't wearing it?
    • Points: 7/10
  • Personality: Looks fine enough, though it could use some clarity on his lack of use of honourifics, assuming he's imitating Japanese nobles, would he not use honourifics in the presence of those above him in rank and just in general around those he's imitating? If not, surely there's some reaction from those other nobles as he is technically disrespecting them. Further, I don't think nobility in Soul Society would be considered improper on a battlefield, given the number of nobles among the ranks of the Gotei 13. The last paragraph felt a little strange as I read it and could use some expansion with regards to what he does with these feelings, you state that he's inexperienced with them but that doesn't give us any idea on what happens whilst he goes through them. Does he become aggressive? Erratic? Anything?
    • Points: 17/25
  • History: The history is a little iffy. Its generally fine at first, and then it suddenly switches tenses in the second paragraph. Taking this bit by bit, I gotta say, from what there is of Gengorō Ōnabara (And there is very little), he doesn't seem like he'd let someone in purely because of a bribe so it feels like a canon name drop for the sake of one. If he'd refuse Makoto Kibune despite being a top student, I believe he'd tell Rōkurō's pa to shove it too. The Shinō Academy is a six year term, why hasn't he been kicked out during that year he takes to train with Jinpachi? And, the whole thing gets detailed (Becoming a play-by-play of events even) later on, but brushes over the death of Rōkurō's closest friend without so much as a mention of what happened beyond it being a mission. There's a lack of any mentioning of his attainment of Shikai, which, would be required in directly applying for a Seated Officer position (As Shikai is a prerequisite of the role). Also, an article is from an OOC perspective, while Rōkurō wouldn't know Yamamoto's reasoning, you should, and even if he doesn't disclose it to him, that reasoning should be included otherwise it feels like your just making shit up.
    • Points: 14/20
  • Powers & Abilities: Yeah... You're supposed to be comparable to a Fourth Seat Shinigami, so the Great Spiritual Power is an immediate no. I'm also taking issue with the Gaishishō. Since when was it decided that illusions are not Reiryoku-based? Give me a page of the manga citing this or GTFO, pal. I've never heard of this, and as far as I see it illusions are as much Reiryoku as fire balls are (In case you try arguing that its Reiatsu... Reiatsu is Reiryoku exerted as a physical force). Also Souls and Shinigami are made of Reishi (And Kishi in the Human World), they generate Reiryoku from within to varying degrees. That out of the way, his ability wouldn't impede all illusions, as the mechanics of how they work are defined one a case-by-case basis depending on a particular wielder's ability that and... a Fourth Seat being immune to anything entirely seems a tad OP. The rest is fine up until the Zanpakutō, while I believe its possible to end up with one with such an ability (Just as Muramasa revolved around manipulating Zanpakutō Spirits) I have to agree with Sei here in that he'd very likely be locked up in the Central 46 Underground Prison or the Nest of Maggots, his weapon has the ability to Hollowfy other beings which is flat out illegal in Soul Society, the fact that his weapon is a prime way to ruin other Shinigami just makes him dangerous and a liability.
    • Points: 20/30
  • Grammar: There's a few mistakes here and there, aside from the sudden tense change in the history section though its nothing to write home about.
    • Points: 14/15

Total Points: 72/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 19:36, July 25, 2014 (UTC)

Kobaruon: Second Attempt[]

Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until August 23, 2014, next Saturday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. Zf6hellion (talk) 15:48, August 16, 2014 (UTC)

Rōkurō Yamanosuke Kobaruon 17:22, April 11, 2015 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:

  • Appearance: Nothing's really changed here since last time. Same problems are still present.
    • Points: 6/10
  • Personality: Same as above, the old problems are still here.
    • Points: 16/25
  • History: Meaningful changes, at last! You've doubled back and made changes for the better, no comments to really add here.
    • Points: 16/20
  • Powers & Abilities: Gaishishō is gone, power level is sorted, but his Zanpakutō is still a massive heaping issue that's begging to have him sentenced to the Nest of Maggots by Central 46. You can't just have a Shinigami character that can freely cause Encroachment without justifying it. Is he under watch from Central 46? Is there stipulations he needs to follow? There has to be some consequence for having a weapon that so blatantly defies the laws that he's meant to enforce. This isn't Gotham, man.
    • Points: 22/30
  • Grammar: There's a few mistakes here and there, aside from the sudden tense change in the history section though its nothing to write home about.
    • Points: 14/15

In Closing: Aside from the history, it feels like there's been no effort to correct things I mentioned as being issues before, so I detracted a point from each of the relevant sections because that's just lazy.

Total Points: 74/100 Zf6hellion Zf6hellion (talk) 16:50, April 18, 2015 (UTC)

User:Alpha Olphion[]

Karui Hoshigami Lord Arceus (Blam! Y'all got the taste of the Bitch Puddin') 00:40, November 25, 2014 (UTC)

Njalm's Assessment:

  • Appearance: This was a nice surprise. Typically, appearance sections have a tendency to look rushed, in the case of Karui however that is not the case at all. You take the time to tie in her appearance with who she used to be, making this section appear less standard and more personalized. I do however miss a paragraph describing her face though, or her hair for that matter. Mostly you seem geared towards describing her clothes, I'd suggest describing her most common attire and maybe one more - beyond that, it's usually better to do so in the roleplays or stories you write. Overall though, a good job!
    • Score: 7/10
  • Personality: The first thing that caught my eye here was that you've kept central to a theme you introduced earlier in the article, that of her being an entertainer at heart. It's important to keep consistent and I get the impression you've succeeded in that regard. I also generally enjoy it when I get to learn about what kind of person a character is outside of duty. It makes them seem more human. I won't lie, Karui isn't the first character on this site who's almost been raped, far from it. But I was pleased to see that it did in fact have consequences, she seems to be a woman with her share of issues. The fear of being touched is wholly believable given her background and to a lesser extent, so is her misandric attitude (that would be hatred of men). I must admit that I wrinkled my nose just a bit when I came to the last section, sure, it details that she's not all good, but it also comes across as a bit strange. You might want to tone it down a bit, so as to not break with the established character, even if she does technically have a legitimate reason to act that way.
    • Score: 18/25
  • History: Her history section is rather short, and to me it came off as rather messy. It's usually best to split up a wall of text into several smaller paragraphs, makes it easier to read. It does summarize her life I suppose, but there's a few strange elements here. Such as how people evidently tended to her every need back home, considering she was from the Rukongai and doesn't appear to belong to any noble house, I found that quite strange. There's also a few Sueish tendencies in the section, such as her single-handedly having made the bar she worked at into a blooming business, wasn't it always a blooming business? You mentioned that the place was frequented by nobles, no? I think you should look over this one again.
    • Score: 10/20
  • Powers & Abilities: Right off the bat I see the designation of "Great" in terms to her spiritual energy, I don't know if you're aware of this but Great is typically reserved to captain-class Shinigami. Think Grimmjow. Normally this would've disqualified her but judging from the way you've worded the section, her level of spiritual energy is actually "High", not "Great". I'll just treat this as an oversight. But right afterwards we encounter another problem, and this one is kind of a biggie. You state that through her spiritual control, she's capable of empowering her physical abilities so as to fight Captain-level Shinigami on even grounds, this is not something your average 4th seat should be able to do, not by a long shot. Due to this, I cannot continue this assessment. She's not at the level of your average 4th seat and therefore isn't in compliance with the RPCQE.
    • Score: 0/30
  • Grammar:
    • Score: 0/0.
Total Score: 35/100 --Njalm (talk) 01:36, November 25, 2014 (UTC)

User:Yami444[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Please Correct and Reapply
Please do not edit this application.

I am applying Kaito Nakamura for the RPQCE.

Page does not meet minimum length of 25,000 bytes~as per the normal assessment. Please revise. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 17:51, December 18, 2014 (UTC)

User:Kazeshini74[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Fail
Please do not edit this application.

Kori Kuchiki

Character is a Captain and thus falls outside of the RPCQE exam specifications. On top of that... The character wields Wabisuke (Izuru Kira's Zanpakutō) with Sakanade's (Shinji's Zanpakutō) powers. The Hell? Zf6hellion (talk) 15:32, February 22, 2015 (UTC)

User:Nathrezim[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Fail
Please do not edit this application.

He is Zumorito Fugouka! --Nathrezim (talk) 18:32, February 25, 2015 (UTC)

User:EmperorSigma's Assessment:

Appearance: I see a few things that concern me in this section. The first is; "280 yrs. old". I believe when describing a time in an appearance section one should probably write out the words completely, and use a formal sentence. Meaning it should be changed to something like, "280 years old." Which isn't informal.

Next: "though he looks younger in his general appearance. That he, possesses an average medium height of a normal human teenager with also a well-toned muscles and body physique gained through harsh physical training that perfectly matches his pale skin."

The bolded sections could be merged into one sentence. Having the That he, become a new sentence is not a very good idea. Other than these two, it isn't that bad.
  • Points: 7/10

Personality: His personality, even I liked. Which is most likely due to the relation of the ninja world (Naruto), where a shinobi is supposed to show no emotion. However, the general focus was placed on his two different personas rather than his actual personality. Question, why was "Ha ha!" Inserted? It's an article, not a comment.

  • Points: 20/25

History: I think you went to your absolute limit, when you were writing his history. However, you make very confusing statements. Things like Yamamoto being solely focused on such one being. When in my opinion, I don't think he would.

  • Points: 15/20

Abilities: His Zanpakutō seems perfect for a fourth seated officer, but how you use his abilities is a bit confusing. You state; "Byakurai, for long-range attacks and Hadō #11. Tsuzuri Raiden, combining it through the use of his Zanpakutō." Stated just fine, but you give no instances as to when he had to do combine the two. His Weapons Specialist sections could use a bit more work, I mean he is a specialist, so more elaboration would be expected. That Keen Intellect section is completely unneeded, or if you keep it make it relevant to the title. "As he spends most of his time reading any featured articles in Seireitei news magazines and books in a daily basis." His other thing sections seem to have just been added on, for the sake of bytes adding up. Which isn't a very good look.

  • Points: 15/30

Grammar: Your grammar could use some work. Many sentences, alone with the ones I have pointed out, make little to no sense. The grammar on the article makes it extremely hard to read it.

  • Points: 5/15

Total: 62/100

Rinnegan Sigma (Rebirth) The Perverted Copy Wheel Eye of Justice Rinnegan Sigma (Rebirth) 19:55, April 2, 2015 (UTC)

User:O'Connor2[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Please Correct and Reapply
Please do not edit this application.

I am applying Anna O'Connor for RPCQE O'Connr 05:58, March 14, 2015 (UTC)O'Connor2

Article is 11,802 bytes short of the minimum requirement and thus would not be able to accrue enough points on its own to pass. Please revise. Zf6hellion (talk) 11:09, March 16, 2015 (UTC)

User:RinkakuKagune[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Please Correct and Reapply
Please do not edit this application.

Kenpachi Miyamoto is a character created by me. Your Worst Nightmare (FEEL PAIN!) 18:05, August 16, 2015 (UTC)

RinkakuKagune: Second Attempt[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Please Correct and Reapply
Please do not edit this application.

I've edited Kenpachi and I'm still in the midst of adding the relationships and the trivia and then my page is done. Please can you re-evaluate him.Your Worst Nightmare (FEEL PAIN!) 19:00, August 19, 2015 (UTC)

Rin, your submission is still far below the minimum byte count. It cannot be accepted. To see the byte count to the edit button and scroll down to "history," those numbers that say "bytes" are the byte count. Also, Miyamoto is clearly not at the level of a Fourth Seat, which disqualifies him from the exam unless you are submitting him for the AA, which you have not. If you wonder what the hell I'm even talking about: then read the rules and requirements on the main RPCQE page. It is called an EXAM for a reason. Just like you can't show up for a history test without having even opened the textbook and hope to pass, you can't really pass the exam here unless you know what the exam is even about."There goes Tokyo, yet again." —SCB (The chatty-chat section.) 19:06, August 19, 2015 (UTC)

User:Masterreaper[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Fail
Please do not edit this application.

I am entering Ichinen Kuchiki As my character for the RPCQE. Masterreaper (talk) 21:15, August 30, 2015 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:

  • Appearance: This started out pretty well, its fairly in-depth, gives a good amount of detail but... its Gintoki Sakata. Using him as a basis is fair enough, using images of him as a visual reference for what your character should resemble is okay, but wholesale just making your character's exact appearance to be Gintoki? Yeah, no. How is Ichinen different from Gintoki, where does the inspiration stop and the generic copy-paste take over? Ordinarily, I'd write this off as plagiarism and fail you right here, but the written section does seem to be entirely your own words so, instead, I'm just going to give it a low score and advise you to work on this. Images are nice, but they're superfluous. The wiki is a primarily written format, people should have no problem reading about what you're character actually looks like with Mr. Gintama MC serving as a visual representation, at best. I will not be covering the mask here, as it should go into his Hollowfication section, just as other things of similar nature are described in their own relevant areas (i.e: Zanpakutō forms, Bount dolls, Quincy Spirit Weapons et al).
    • Points: 1/10
  • Personality: So the general idea is that he's a whack job, outside of being a battle hungry loon with a weird definition of loyalty... what else is there to him? I swear, I read the whole thing and it told me basically fuck all about who Ichinen Kuchiki is. I get it, he lives to fight and he does nothing more than seek it out. But, why? What made him this way? What does he get out of it? Why does he want to be strong? These are crucial details to understanding him as a character, and would decide whether a reader can sympathize or pity him or hate him. Right now he's about as deep as a half-chewed lollipop stick. "Blood Lust State"? Really? Was his mum the shark, or his dad, either way one of 'em must really like fish. I don't see any reason for this state of mind, he's already a psychopath, and nothing in his personality reads like he has any real notion of self control so why give him a "special" state of mind for this? It should just be part of who he is. Its a popular thing for fanon characters to be one way most of the time, and then flip a switch to start acting completely different outta the blue (Usually by combat), this seems to be the case here, only... absolutely nothing really changes. He's already off the deep end, I don't need to read three pages of him laughing too hard to know that.
    • Points: 5/25
  • History: This section should be above his abilities, not below it. On top of that, I'm getting the feeling you really like superfluous content. I don't need the synopsis, its a written wiki for fuck sake, no one should need this, and one look at it makes me not even wanna go near that history section. Suffice it to say... Its crap. Why didn't the thief kill him? How did he fend for himself at the age of three, in one of the worst districts of the Rukongai? Please, explain. Why was he asked to join the Kuchiki clan, a highly prestigious clan made up of what is considered to be the elite of the Seireitei does not randomly just pick up an idiot off the street. Please, explain. Why is he somehow able to fight on par with a Third Seat Shinigami (Especially one who has achieved Bankai at that) before even graduating from Shinō? Please, explain. Why would Kisuke turn him into a Visored at complete random? Why would Shinji teach him to control it? Why are these two, Mayuri and Yachiru being shoe-horned in here? Please, explain. This whole thing is trash, there's no real coherence, nothing flows together as it just moves from one event to the next at random points and gives us no real look into Ichinen's character or how he came to be. He just disappears and reappears through events where he should be freakin' dead. Characters re-write their personalities to suit him (Why would Mayuri give a flying fuck what a random nobody wants of him? Better yet, assuming he did send him to Hueco Mundo, how did he get back?) and all it does is make it way too obvious that nothing in here was thought out.
    • Points: 0/20
  • Powers & Abilities: You do know whacking your sword against another sword wouldn't work as a block, right? You'd constantly lose footing to a far more solid opponent who isn't restarting his swing every three seconds. Being a fast attacker is one thing, and attacking quickly enough that several swings appear to be one is a nice offensive move but it does not work on the defense. Following that, there isn't a lot of stand out content here, it doesn't detail much of what he can actually do, usually just talking about generics pertaining to his training, or lack thereof. It also bloats quite heavily with all these sections for things that don't need it (Kidō should all fall under one banner) and Blood Lust is not a goddamn skill. I also have to draw in and nitpick the shit out of his Zanpakutō starting with the name. Vampire, really? Look here, y'see how most, if not all, of them have names that reflect what they do without being incredibly generic about it? Notice how none of them are done in Rōmaji? Yeah, you should do that too. Its not hard, here's an example: "Kyūketsuki (吸血鬼, Bloodsucker)". Same intent, bit more like an actual name for a sword than "Banpaia", wouldn't you agree? The power is a little... odd too. You explain that it causes profuse bleeding that can't be stopped by bandages, why not? They help to make blood clot faster and seal up wounds, which prevents bleeding. Cutting someone's Reiatsu should not work in the way you think it does, either. If Ichinen is cutting it after its already outside of the person than that Reiatsu has already been expressed and, at best, he's simply weakening the effects it has on the surroundings by causing it to expand further. Inside his opponent's body that energy is still Reiryoku and wouldn't suffer any changes. Its rather weak as a power goes and could use a bit more defining. Cut = super bleeding isn't particularly effective or threatening when his main enemies are monsters that don't die unless you destroy their mask and ghosts who've been shown to bleed like nobody's business and keep fighting.
    • Points: 18/30
  • Formatting & Grammar: Man, have you even looked at a Bleach Wiki article before, or any of the popular articles here? They follow this thing, its called a Manual of Style, should've been linked to it on your visit here, and its a generally accepted style of format used on most AniManga-like wikis, especially fanon ones. His name at the start should be bolded, it should include the Japanese characters and its romanization, y'know like: Ichinen Kuchiki (朽木いちねん, Kuchiki Ichinen). The abilities also really shouldn't be divided into sections for every skill, they should be formatted according to the Manual of Style, like Hein here. As for the actual grammar, holy shit. This thing is all over the place, can you pick one way of doing things and stick with it, please? Watching you randomly capitalize one word and then not do it next time is daft, having you switch the order in which you present names is annoying, it is either English order (i.e: Yoruichi Shihōin) or Japanese order (i.e: Shihōin Yoruichi), not whatever suits you at the time. This applies to how you use names as well, why is Kidō referred to as such and not Demon Way, why is the Seireitei referred to as the Court of Pure Souls, rather than as the Seireitei? Its one thing to do something another way from the norm, its completely asinine to do so and then be inconsistent with yourself.
    • Points: Oh Sweet Salty Christ/15 (0/15)

Total Points: 24/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 23:20, September 10, 2015 (UTC)

User:ShonenChicoBoy's UNOFFICIAL Assessment: (Note that this does not count for grading/review/points, and simply serves as a reference, as this review was provided after the author requested a second opinion on the article.)

  • Before any other sections: Yeah, links, capitalization and the format/layout of the article needs some help. Mainly because it looks unprofessional atm. Some sentences, actually quite a few sentences, are worded quite awkwardly as well, which isn’t an exact abuse of grammar per say, it’s just not an easy read at parts. More than anything else though is that you should expand the character’s introduction: right now he has about two sentences or so stating “he is a visored and a captain,” but.. there isn’t much there that truly tells us what Ichinen is about. The intro is just a summary of the character as a whole, you should high-light the most important parts of your character to give us a general (yes “brief”, but “brief” probably means about a paragraph) sense of who this guy is.
  • Appearance: Okay so, for the appearance: I will say that you start off well. I like the pattern you set of detail: it promises to be well-thought out and insightful into who this character is BUT, as soon as you get to his style of dress things start to fall apart. I understand that you have not seen Gintama: usually it is prudent to NOT copy the main character’s style of dress from a rather popular series exactly to the detail. Why is it even necessary to adhere to the reference picture at %99 accuracy anyway? This isn’t Sakata Gintoki: This is YOUR character. And even from the pic you used in the infobox: we can’t really see what he’s wearing anyway. Rather than describe what you see, why not give it some creativity, or customize it a bit? What I mean is: How does this character: YOUR character, not the anime reference, portray his personality in what he wears. Is he casual and laid-back? Stiff and formal? Preppy and hip? (As far as Shinigami go, that is). God is in the details man, these things are actually important. Another thing you should consider is: okay, so we have the basic picture of what the guy looks like in our heads: but how would other characters see him? Do his features reflect his past in someway? Is there something unique that sets him apart from those around him? Basically what I’m talking about is characterization, which is a valid thing to include in ANY section of the article. It adds depth, as Daz suggested you might need for his appearance. I happen to agree.

(And like Z said, the part about his mask should be moved to his Hollowfication section, under powers and abilities.)

Also just on a note on the mask: remember that a Hollow’s/Visored’s mask is an externalization of one’s broken soul: formed when the heart is torn out and re-formed during the birth of a Hollow. That being said, while you have described what the mask looks like I think you have severely over-shot quite a bit of depth that you could have added to the section. Mainly: how does his mask reflect HIM? Specifically? At the moment it seems like you’re describing any old Kabuki Oni mask, is what I mean to say: you should perhaps try and make it more personal. More BLEACH.
  • Personality: So... he doesn’t show interest in others, but at the same time has an insatiable lust for blood: this doesn’t translate. If he truly wanted to rumble and beat opponents to a pulp, I imagine that would be a “whenever” sort of desire, not just a “once the guy proves he’s got enough guts to enrage me” type thing. This section is very much a WHAT but does very little to enlighten us about who he is: what his desires and motivations are, his goals, his loves, his fears, what makes him him and not some -insert any shounen war killing-samurai-machine-benign-berserker-character here- . This section is, to be perfectly honest, cliché. I’ve seen this type of character many times before, in other words. He’s the loner, the war-machine, the brutal anti-hero that somehow we’re supposed to find interesting. But I don’t, actually find him interesting. This isn’t just opinion mind you: this is because he’s shallow. There isn’t much there to root for, no compelling motivations, nothing there for us to actually care about him. Not to mention you have him as Mayuri’s secret-ninja-assassin, for some reason, and also a wannabe rival of Kenpachi (Zaraki). I don’t know WHY you want him as the wannabe rival of Kenpachi: while it’s certainly something valid to include in a character, you don’t give us any reasons as to why that’s even there to begin with. It comes out of left field. How does this guy even KNOW Kenpachi, and why does he want to get to his level? Yes, I know some of this is explained in backstory: but if you’re clever you can include it here as well. Like I said, you are telling us the “what,” but you aren’t showing us the “why.” … oh yeah, and then the part on loyalty just seems randomly tacked on… there’s not really any explanation as to why it’s there. Motivation is key. I keep saying that over and over: that’s because it’s true.
Also he is unemotional but driven by self-hatred? What? That doesn’t fit with his chief goal being to best Kenpachi: if he truly loathes himself I’d doubt he’d have such strong (and violent) convictions to begin with. It’s not exactly believable, let’s just say. “He’s an unstoppable killing machine when he get’s going and he wants to best Kenpachi (one of the most brutal titles you can take), but he also hates himself.” Like: wait… why? Remember nature vs. nurture. Sure there might be certain traits a person is born with, but backstory also plays a huge role into developing personality. You don’t have to do a copy-paste of the history section, but it doesn’t help to add a sentence or two here or there with some mention of say, his past or an explanation as to why he’s the way he is, etc. Also that last paragraph in the personality section there is pretty… eh… poor. For one thing, using the colloquial “one-hundred-percent” and typing it as %100 = “unprofessional-looking” right off the bat, kido should be Kidō, etc. I know you said you didn’t want me to comment on grammar: but honestly it’s the little things like this that really determine how people perceive your article, and is the number one thing they look at right off the bat.

Overall the personality is “old,” meaning “we’ve seen this before,” shallow, and not very credible/believable.

  • History: This section is pretty non-sensical. A kid from the streets of Rukongai somehow manages to beat a (formerly bankai-wielding) Shinigami who, considering from what we’ve seen of Ikkaku, by no means would have gone easy just because he was a kid. Then off he goes to Shin’ō Academy, where is promptly accepted by everyone in the Eleventh. But remember Kenpachi Zaraki does not ASK for followers: his strength basically just draws others to him. And most certainly he does not seek others out. And why does Ichinen have Kuchiki as a surname? That is completely random and a pretty clear rip-off of Rukia’s situation, if I am reading into this correctly. And then, not only is the chronology screwed up in regards to the Bleach canon timeline, but in strolls Urahara and offers to make him a Visored? No no no no no. Remember that Urahara only made the Visored because that was literally the last resort in preventing soul-suicide and complete Hollowfication: he was trying to SAVE them from what Aizen had done with the Hougyouku. In other words, this section is pretty much disregarding what has been set in canon. Like… it does take some research and a lot of thought to incorporate fanon characters realistically into the canon Bleach events. Obviously you want to have Ichinen running around with Kenpachi for whatever reason, which is fine: but if that’s the case there needs to be a good reason as to why that is so, and by “good reason” I do not mean truncated and mangled Bleach canon.
  • Powers and Abilities: Okay, so he’s an expert in Kenjutsu/Zanjutsu: if that is the case, and from what you’ve indicated from the way you’ve described it, he is meant to be like, insanely good at Zanjutsu. But there’s only a perfunctory section on kenjutsu, when you think about it, and the only thing described as being particularly strong in that sense is his “speed.” Speed in what? You could go into so much detail here it’s not even funny. What is his style like, his approach to Kenjutsu, why does he fight this way? Etc. etc. etc. It just needs more description/detail, really. If this is his main defining style of fighting, it deserves much much more attention.
Mostly, however, I was wondering why he suddenly morphed into Byakuya and was personally trained by Yoruichi: that came out of left-field, for sure.
You know, at this point in the game it really seems like you just took all the seems from the Turn Back the Pendulum arc and threw your character into the middle instead of canon characters. These are weak ideas, these are things we’ve seen before. I’d strongly suggest that: if you do end up including Ichinen in canon event’s, that you give him his own legs to stand on. Meaning: he has his OWN story that, while it might intersect canon at certain points, can stand on its own as its own thing. That is what it means to be original. You said stuff about “getting ideas” and so forth, and so here I’ll advise you on the next step: once you have an idea, you have to not just “follow” that idea, but chase it down and club it to death. You have to burn it, smelt it, polish it away until in the end what you have left is the core of the idea: the “gold” so to speak. Because trust me when I say there is a lot of subconscious “flak” that rises to the surface when writing: our brains easily absorb information around us, and in the context of narratives stories around us and process it, recycling it to where we think what we have is our own idea when actually what has been generated is a tried-and-true trope or cliché that we long ago picked up along the way. This is why writing is hard: you have to become consciously aware of this, and then you have to be discerning. Which parts am I going to keep: which parts needs to be changed and modelled until they become truly “mine?” This is why they call writing an art.
Er.. also his Kidou section needs to be combined. It’s basically just a list of things right now. You should have an actual description of his style of spellcasting though, since Kidou is one of the four branches of Zansenzoki, it’s not just a science or math or “say the right words and viola,” it too is its own separate Shinigami art. Also, just listing stuff sort of gives the impression that your knowledge of Bleach in general isn’t too in-depth.
A note on that very subject (being canon awareness): Cero. Hrmm, well: Cero is a pretty rare occurrence among Visored, if you didn’t notice. Well Ichigo was going beserk and tried to use one they seemed shocked: and reacted very quickly in order to try and stop him. That your character is just arbitrarily assigned an (Arrancar, might I add) technique seems weak and random. There should be a very good explanation as to why it’s there.
As for his Hollowfication: eh, “he would die without it,” … Die without WHAT, exactly? He’s a Shinigami: he’s already dead. Why is his mask so much different than everyone else’s? This doesn’t make him “cool” it just makes it… weird. Also having a mask appear on your hip is lame no matter which way you try and dice it. I just don’t get it… Also if this guy is a Visored on par with Ikkaku and a more than decent fighter against Kenpachi: I’d say he’s way above fourth seat level no matter what way you look at it.
  • To sum up: Eh... I could go on, but in short I’ll just cut to the chase: Basically one of the biggest problems with your character as he is right-now is that he’s not really a character. Or if he’s a character he’s extremely shallow. There isn’ a whole lot to him in other words, he’s a card-board cutout. He also demonstrates quite a few tendancies of Mary-Sue-itis, and if you’re wondering what that is I’d suggest reading this blog here, as it addresses one of the main issues of why the exam exists in the first place, which is to prevent Mary Sues and under-developed characters. "There goes Tokyo, yet again." —SCB (The chatty-chat section.) 05:13, September 11, 2015 (UTC)

User:Dal101[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Failed
Please do not edit this application.

Entering Chitose Wasuchiru its not worthless, it is only worth less (talk) 17:40, November 25, 2015 (UTC)


User:Zf6hellion's Supremely Egotistical Assessment

Foreword: I know you said you expected to fail, Dal, and that the exam would give you what you needed to improve / alter for the next attempt, but I doubt you were expecting this to happen. Anyway, for folks to be as torn over this as they have been is a first since we started doing single reviews per assessment so I took the liberty of stepping in to change things up a bit. That is, I'll be giving my own review but at the end of each section I'll give my score as well as a combined score from all of the previous assessments. So, let's get to it.

  • Appearance: The first thing I see here is that its rather disjointed. The parts are all rather disparate if you get my meaning. We start talking about his stature, then his body, then his face. We switch to talking about his clothes, and then go into detailing his hair. Everyone has their own way of doing things (For example, I generally follow a formulaic approach of "Stature, head, hair, face, body, clothes") but it helps to have things flow together.
Detail could also be trimmed down in certain places, namely with his scars and the durability of his armour. Regarding the former, we don't need to know the stories behind the scars (Because that is only relevant to his history, and maybe, his personality), what we do need to know is what they look like and where they are. Rather than explaining how a Hollow nearly gutted him, we should be told what the scar is, is it a badly healed cut, was it a burn? You get the idea. For the latter, most people will assume its decoration anyway, if the armour holds a purpose then it would crop up in his Equipment section, after all. Instead, go into its looks. Is the armour made out of lamellar plates? Is it hard-boiled leather, does it have any marking embossed upon it and so on. Tell stories through the looks of the object, don't tell the story itself.
I'm not going to fault you on referring to a standard Shihakushō as most of the writers here will know exactly what you're talking about, but for the sake of engaging with people I'd suggest going into what the uniform consists of. This will also help in working in his armoured adornments as they'd flow right along with the detail of his upper robes and so on.
  • Points: 7/10
  • Combined Score: 7
  • Personality: Okay, tortured soul who's stuck with immortality and has grown tired of it. Grounds for some unique personality traits to form, but what we're treated to is relatively minor all things considered. We know he's a light hearted prankster, and there is a reasoning behind his pranks, but we should see some detail here. Everyone has a different method to their madness, what is Chitose's? Is he the kind of guy to spend hours of his day forming some elaborate scheme that will piss someone off, but eventually get them laughing? Is he the guy to go for something simple that'll bemuse a couple folk but help them relieve stress in the process? We know he's not an asshole about this kind of thing, otherwise he wouldn't be so cheery, but you need to give a flavour to his trickster facade to help bring it to life, see?
We can glean that his nightmares are terrible, considering he's determined enough to go a whole 30 days without sleep before he collapses, and does so with regularity but we don't get any detail on the nightmares themselves. What is he seeing (I know its in his History, but it would be better served here in depth while being more brief there)? Is it the simple plague of seeing those he cares about passing on over and over? We don't know, because you don't tell us. Give us something to look into, something that lets us see what Chitose is going through and allows the reader to sympathize with him.
You say he's a nihilist, so I'd suggest that, perhaps his nightmares aren't nightmares at all, at least to the common man. He dreams of happier times, when all his friends were still alive. But getting caught up in his dreams is a hollow and static existence that he doesn't want, but the thought of never rejoining his friends in the void after death is almost tempting enough to pull him in, and that is what terrifies him.
Another thing, while Chitose is seemingly immortal, we're not given much to distinguish him from an ordinary person. He's a character who's already at the end of his rope, just wishing for it all to end. But surely he's met some interesting creatures, and found some amazing things that he would never have witnessed otherwise, yes? One example of a similar character, that you could possibly look to is Yaotl. An Aztec warlord who obtained immortality, at the price of his family, who comes to despise his place and seek redemption and an end for his curse. He's a bit of a melancholic character, but he never treats his long life as having been terrible, he's just gone beyond his time and wishes for it to end. To the point that he becomes rather blindingly self-centered in his pursuit (Even if it does turn out to be a positive, you get what I mean). It would be nice to see what effect the grander scale of the universe has had on him, and how his long life may have warped his perception. He is aware that he's trapped in a very singular cycle of death and rebirth, surely that has to have done something to his psyche.
  • Points: 17/25
  • Combined Score: 12
  • History: Information broker that sells rare items that he's found in his travels. Odd, but not un-interesting. My first problem, which I'm sure will come as no surprise, is the patented Holy Grail of Fuck You that ruins Chitose's life. For something so incredibly powerful it took him startlingly little effort to find it, if this thing was critical to the formation of Soul Society why is it just out and about? Should it not be locked away within the deepest recesses of the Soul King's Palace, or some primordial ritual site at the very heart of Soul Society that would require Herculean effort for a simple soul to enter and obtain such a relic. This isn't something that would even make sense in the real world, where rare items don't have magic powers. You can't just pay some guy and get the Crown Jewels. Ya gotta stick yer dick in the oldest monarch alive, first. In a universe so full of mythology, I can see the Holy Grail existing, in one form or another, but the ease with which he obtains it is a bit of a deal breaker.
My next issue is basically entirety of the Modern Souls section, everything in there is fertile ground for his personality. We see that, even if he doesn't remember his past lives, that parts of him remain the same through his incarnations, that certain things can stick with him and leave such a heavy impression that they remain inside on an instinctual level. So let's see that moved up to the appropriate section.
I'm removing all marks for calling Bringer Light a movement technique. Exam over (I'm kidding).
  • Points: 17/20
  • Combined Score: 12
  • Powers & Abilities: Overall I like what's been done with some of the stuff in here, I passed over your Shikai's ability in the past and my opinion hasn't changed since then, so that's a plus. I particularly like that Chitose has taken the lessons of other races' techniques into his application of Shunpo, though the Forgotten Verses leave me a little, underwhelmed at current. He's an Expert in two fields, which is surprising given his rank, but due to his weird nature I won't deduct points for it.
  • High Natural Speed: The description here is clumsy, though the idea is nice. He's not a sprinter, but a dodger. Could use some more detail in explaining all this out, however.
  • Unnaturally Extensive Experience: At first his memories were lost to him outside of dreams, now his sword just has them on tap? Uh... No, please don't change shit like that on a whim.
  • Hikage no Seika: Right, we know people can pull this kind of thing off, its central to Yumichika Ayasegawa's character after all, but I dislike that it grants him a secondary set of abilities to pull from. Zanpakutō have one ability, yes you can bastardize that to do all sorts of things (Shūnsui Kyōraku's Zanpakutō, or my own Icía Cabaleiro do Val for example) but they should all fall under a single umbrella. On top of that, as a false release it should be greatly diminished. Yumichika goes from Ruri'iro Kujaku being a terrifying Kidō-type Zanpakutō to a pathetically limp Melee-type Zanpakutō as Fuji Kujaku. I feel like Chitose should be in the same boat.
  • Points: 26/30
  • Combined Score: 22
  • Formatting & Grammar: I have nothing to add here that hasn't already been said. "Created Created when he Created" made me chuckle though so, kudos.
  • Points: 7
  • Combined Score: 5

Total Points: 74
Final Score: 65 (74 + 84 + 39 / 3 =)

In Closing: You struck out, mate. If Chico was any sort of real contributor the average scores might've pushed you over the threshold so blame him for all problems. Seriously, though, Dal. There are great ideas all over this article, the only problem is your execution. I've tossed out some personal suggestions through out my review, as have the others. I'd suggest going through what we've said and then hit your article at full sprint. Zf6hellion (talk) 16:58, November 26, 2015 (UTC)


I think I'd like to try again and see if I'm closer this time. Maybe I can finally get this out of the way. Chitose Wasuchiru.
dal101 its not worthless, it is only worth less (talk) 21:52, May 2, 2017 (UTC)

User:JakCooperThePlumber[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Fail
Please do not edit this application.

Entering Keiichi Kuchiki in the Alternative Assessment--JakCooperThePlumber (talk) 12:53, December 4, 2015 (UTC)

Zf6hellion's Groaning Assessment: This all sorts of horrendous, and ain't anywhere near a point where it would get anywhere in the RPCQE-AA. There is very little, actual, content on this article. Most of it is generic shlock parroted over and over, and even at its current length would most likely fail the RPCQE let alone the AA. On top of it all, he apparently know every freakin' canon character that you could squeeze in there, which is against the rules of the exam. Here's a few things to go back over:

  • Appearance: There is very little detail about Keiichi in here, in fact it glosses over pretty much everything, using a time skip and talking about his youth in order to build up extra content. Don't do that. Instead, go into detail. More than a "Robe", what is Assassi- I mean Keiichi wearing? There is far more to it than just a robe, dude. Like a Hakama and Kimono. Clothing aside, there's also very little about his physical features. We got his hair, some tattoos, a general look, but what actually went into his design (Besides lacking any visual divergence from his inspiration?)?
  • Personality: Don't force it. There's a fair bit of writing here, but a lot of it is wasteful. It doesn't tell me anything about Keiichi that one of his comrades would love to have him as a Captain, because you've already stated that he does his best for his Division. There is grounds for some interesting stuff here, like the subtext of incest with his sister, but its ruined by trying to water it down heavily. Don't give me this bullshit about him "not feeling love anymore", instead give me the complexities of what causes him to avoid romantic companionship. People don't just stop having the capacity to love, its more often that they'll be afflicted with trauma or fear that overrides that feeling due to experiences in the past (I.E: His lover dying). If he's been fucked over with Kidou and forced to love his sister, delve into that and explore it. Don't just randomly say he's in love with his sibling but still keeps it more or less platonic otherwise, what the Hell is the point?
  • History: More focus on Keiichi, less trying to kiss the arse of half the canon cast and this part should be fine. He needs to stand on his own, every time you surround him with canon characters is a lessening of this.
  • Powers & Abilities: You link to the articles on Bleach wiki using the same images. We don't need "example" gifs when they contribute nothing to the article. Stop. Again, lack of actual content here. For example the "Sword Styles", you explain nothing about what is actually done with them, how are they unique from any generic individual wielding one sword, or two swords, or ripping off One Piece? They aren't, because you gave us no details. I'm supposed to treat Keiichi as a master swordsman because he's stupid enough to wield two in one hand against all realm of practicality and with no explanation as to how this is at all effective or useful for him? Yeah, no.
  • Formatting & Grammar: Yeah, man... You need a spell checker, and a proof reader. You don't die your hair, you dye it. You also need to realize that none of your translations are literal, in fact they are unwieldy and horrible most of the time. Literal translations are referring to what the actual characters making up a word mean, for example "Jiayou" (加油) is a Chinese phrase meaning "Let's go!" or "Come on!", but the literal meaning is "Add fuel". On top of that you keep pulling from multiple sources in the worst way. Stop copy-pasting this weird link filled stuff that warps the page, and try to keep the characters looking, y'know, normal (I.E: Do this (一刀式) not this (). Back to article bloating. Jesus Christ, can we cut down on the crap? Please? You have a gallery which is made up more or less entirely of images on the article elsewhere. You have images that do not apply to the character whatsoever. We have that main tab which is so filled with worthless junk that it warps all over the place. You have these empty arcs and sagas which are pointless if there's no actual content and then a list of tropes because... why not? It does nothing but make the article look terrible. Here, look at Tsuchimikado Shikizaki, that's a nice looking article. Here's another. Its really not that hard, just avoid worthless filler and placeholder junk. Zf6hellion (talk) 16:57, December 12, 2015 (UTC)

User:JakCooperThePlumber - Second Attempt[]

Keiichi Kuchiki JakCooperThePlumber (talk) 17:36, January 10, 2016 (UTC)


User: Dainemuri applying for the RPCQE-AA[]

Hi my username is Dainemuri and I am applying for the Right to Powerful Characters Qualification Exam- Alternative Assessment. Character Daisuke Shiraji

Dainemuri (talk) 03:38, March 12, 2016 (UTC)

DazzlingEmerald's Assessment:

  • Appearance: Not bad, not bad at all. Here you lament a fairly well painted picture in my mind and offer a good explanation of your character's physical characteristics.
    • Points: 9/10
  • Personality: There is a bit of an overlap between the two sides of his personality here; you go on a bit of a tangent when addressing his bipolar disorder, whilst alternating between his more peaceful traits at the same instance, which leads him to being a bit inconsistent in my opinion. Assuming he has the atypical persona of most shonen heroes, I'm under the impression that you want for him to be a laid back guy who gets ticked off when his comrades have been meddled with.
    • Points: 18/25
  • History: Must say, I'm a real sucker for well laid out history sections, and you sir, did not disappoint me. You offered a well placed story that assorted bits of his personality well, namely his bipolar disorder. My only real concern is the context in which you had him gain control over the Kidō corps; just seems unlikely due to the fact that he was missing in action for hundreds of years prior to his return.
    • Points: 18/20
  • Powers & Abilities: You have a pretty firm grasp of Kidō in my opinion; it's nice to see a new user come in here and not have a Shinigami who excels solely in swordsmanship. With that being said, some of the other abilities seem a tad bit out of place on a Kidō corps commander (namely his mastery in the other forms of Zankensoki); given he should be over a thousand years old judging by his history section (even if the info box suggests slightly otherwise), I do think it's definitely achievable, however. Also, I do like the history you implemented into him achieving Shikai and Bankai; it makes a lot of sense to me that his Zanpkautō would be so pissed at him after he had relied solely on Kidō for so long.
  • Z's Notes: Hiken Tsubame Gaeshi needs a name change, not only are you taking from Fate/stay night, you're using images from it, and the name. I'll say its been transferred enough to not call it an immediate rip off, but the name has to change.
    • Points: 25/30
  • Formatting & Grammar: Reading this page was like reading an article from the Bleach wiki —whether that is a compliment to you or not I don't know, but you did a good job of following the general format that was established there and is followed here. However, you may want to check the spacing between some of your translations and explanations, and italicize the English translations that appear within the parenthesis after the kanji. In terms of your grammar, it was good, but make sure you utilize the comma so as to give your writing a better flow.
  • Z's Notes: The byte count is, as of the time of this exam, when accounting for non-required parts of the exam, at a total of 58,617. Rounded up to 58,700... That's a 13 point deduction.
    • Points: 10/15

Total Points: 67/100

You have passed my part of the exam. However, please wait for Zf6hellion's input before taking any further action. Thanks! DazzlingEmerald (talk) 19:00, May 7, 2016 (UTC)

So, uh, after doing my little touch up (Of which there isn't much to add, the article is great), yo currently fall under the requirements to pass the exam. However, I'm not going to issue a re-test just yet. Byte count aside, you'd basically passed anyway, and I'd like to see you do so. So within the next two weeks, I'd like to see you increase the byte count by about 2000 (its not much, a couple paragraphs at best) in one of the necessary categories of either: History, Appearance, Powers & Abilities or Personality. Zf6hellion (talk) 21:17, May 7, 2016 (UTC)

User:Perchan[]

Ayooooooooooo it's the nigga ya love to hate, anyway, I'm going to be sending in Arisu Shiruba under the standard assessment (note her butt, can't spell assessment without ass); fun fact, I tried writing a "weak" character with muh usual detailed stuff and I guess my "weak" isn't anyone else's "weak" lol, but after a while I managed to get it right I think. But anyway, here ya go, I've gone through the article multiple times to remove anything a bit y'know. Also pls note that British English master race, hence why some words may be spelt differently than murican english that y'all use here Per(This is my stage now!)(Still more~) 11:49, May 21, 2016 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment

  • Appearance: Okay, there's a heck of a lot of writing in here, but its a touch problematic. There's the occasional use of wrong wording (Silver hair, and then suddenly ginger hair) and repeat descriptions (Her skin is white and like porcelain, but it is really white like a princess, see). I assume these are holdovers from your previous entry since I can see bits and pieces of that in here. The biggest problem I have with this, though, is that a large portion of what's present isn't relevant to Arisu. I don't need to know that she felt uncomfortable in Soul Society (But, seriously? Rangiku and Yoruichi look Eastern to you?) as that's a trait you'd reserve for her personality. I don't need to know that people think she's mysterious or beautiful, that's just self-centered validation from the author (Because there's no actual examples, either) which is worthless when her appearance is supposed to be about what she looks like. The images also do a bad job of representing her, you mention her being rather busty but Penny is flat as a board. Its fine to deviate from the representations you use, in fact I would encourage it, but they should at least fit in the general sense. Problems aside, though, the actual descriptions themselves are good and paint a clear picture, the whole thing would be perfect if you stop diverting from the point of the section and just focus on that.
  • Points: 6/10
  • Personality: This is pretty well written, and fairly in depth, my only problem is that you continually repeat yourself over and over, I get it, she likes making people happy. Speaking logistically however, I'm not sure how she ever became a Shinigami. Being lazy or slow is cool and all, but in an organisation where your job is to prevent people from dying? Its pretty worthless. Kenpachi Zaraki is an unconventional member of the Gotei 13, he was appointed purely based on an old rule that allowed him to usurp the position of a Captain. Even considering that, as a Captain its not his job to be out on the field killing the average Hollow. That would be Arisu's job, and I can pretty much say for certain she would have been fired long before even getting her first stipend. Because being lazy gets people killed (And if she's out to make people happy... Why is that a thing she'd abide by?).
  • Points: 21/25
  • History: Uh... Y'know the 1st District, right outside of the Seireitei, would have most of its influence coming right down on it, right? Life there would be pretty good if not the best thing ever. So, not exactly the "shitty part" of Soul Society. A Bruce Lee quote wouldn't be attributed to someone else, it's a Bruce Lee quote. If you can't work it in, don't use it. Its really that basic. Hell, you could make your own quote based upon it, and attribute it to a character of your own making. Like Probably-No-Ukitake there. Also, Akihabara? If Alice here came to the Soul Society in the 10th Century, she'd have to be old as dirt before she got assigned to Akihabara, which didn't gain its nickname until after World War II. That's a long damn time. The problems continue like that through-out, its generally fine and it flows where it needs to flow, but there's not a lot of attention paid to it. Details don't make sense, her life is shit, she has no joy, she's living in the best district of the Rukongai that you could possibly live in... And so on. I'd advise going over it a bit and tightening up the details.
  • Points: 15/20
  • Powers & Abilities: Arbitrary tiers. Right, for sure, fanon is rife with this kinda crap, everybody does it, I do it. But there's usually some kind of logic to it. Middling Strength? Low Durability? This doesn't really define anything useful, especially in the latter case which is devoted to talking about her reflexes and ability to dodge, because she has no durability. You could easily trim that out, put whatever is necessary into her reflexes and just mention the fact that her durability is shit. There's also the returning problem of going on diatribes that have nothing to do with what you happen to be talking about. There are cool abilities, to be sure, her Zanpakutō especially, but its very prone to bloating for the sake of it so you can randomly talk about dick compensation jokes.
  • Points: 24/30
  • Formmating & Grammar: Your English is fine (Viva la Britannia!) and mistakes are generally kept to a minimum, mostly as what I'd assume are hold overs from the previous iteration of the character as mentioned before. In any case, the largest problem I had with this is the common interjections of "yourself", really. You keep breaking out of the articles proper format (3rd person perspective, treated as if you were looking at it from within its own world and assessed as such) to tell whoever's reading a load of crap. Amagai is a myth, filler, etc. etc. Its unnecessary and just makes the article take longer to get through for no gain. They're just kinda there, and they don't add anything to what's been presented.
  • Points: 8/15

Total Points: 76/100

In Closing: Well you passed, so congrats, but you really need to work on taking you out of the article. Its always gonna be in your words, but the information itself should always be pertinent to what the viewer is looking at. Jokes and cutaways and random tirades are what message walls and talk pages are for. It doesn't bring anything to the article, by all means try and spice it up and write in a way that your comfortable with, but you have to make sure what you're writing is relevant to the subject. And, no, compensating for a small dick is not relevant. Zf6hellion (talk) 17:58, May 23, 2016 (UTC)

User:Berserkchart486[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Pass
Please do not edit this application.

Laszlo Almasy: Hi guys! This is the character. Unfortunately, he's only semi complete at the moment, but the gist of everything is there. Enjoy! Berserkchart486 (talk) 02:52, May 26, 2016 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment

  • Appearance: Well, this is weird. My typical problem with the appearance section is both a lack of detail and people straying from the point. The latter is most certainly present here... but, its a difference of format. The style usually followed is a straightforward description, often with people devolving into details that are unnecessary to painting the picture that people are supposed to see. While the technical detail is a touch lacking, it is more than made up for in presentation. So, hey, good work.
  • Points: 9/10
  • Personality: I identify way too hard with that first paragraph. That said, its a little unnecessary. Its useful as a means of explaining Laszlo's problems to us, but its nothing one couldn't infer in the first place. The problems of lacking sleep are fairly common, and are traits that Laszlo himself doesn't actually exhibit. The same happens with the explanation of Sloth, most people know what the sin refers to, and ultimately the section should be describing Laszlo, not the sins, outside of his association with them, at any rate. Other than that, and those are relatively minor problems, the section is well written and gives us a pretty keen look into the muddied mind that is Laszlorochi.
  • Points: 24/25
  • History: Hmm... The content itself is fine, but it feels incredibly rushed. It doesn't do much to give us insight on Laszlo, or what he's been like all this time. It feels like he's being tossed into set pieces, rushed through them, and then he's off to the next event, if you get what I mean. It helps paint a picture about his nature as an adrenaline junkie and his hedonism, but it does little to set anything else up. There's no conflict or anything, nothing that seems to really test Laszlo. He whisks in, gets in trouble, and money solves all problems. Seto Kaiba would be proud, that's for sure. Lastly, there's the Kusanagi, itself. Its one of the three Imperial regalia of Japan, its a symbol of the country and its history. I assume the one that's housed in Atsuta shrine is fake in this case, which I suppose is fine, but then how do you analyse this one? Are the swords identical? Laszlo's version of the sword has this unusual steel, so they probably aren't, then how can you know it IS Kusanagi? To Japan, the Kusanagi would be the regalia, and this would be some weird relic, to say otherwise is to say Japan has been wrong for more than a thousand years. Then there's the fact that if it is Kusanagi its a sacred treasure of the country... Why in the world would they let Laszlo just take it? Especially surrounded by the circumstances that he ends up in. Dead hooker, a random earthquake, everyone except him dead in both cases... It leaves a few questions that could do with answering.
  • Points: 12/20
  • Powers & Abilities: As the scope of the exam is going to be changing soon, I'm going to say that the qualities of Laszlo's powers are passable. They're a bit of an oddball, considering they're not actually his powers either, but nonetheless I'm going to allow them through. The powers themselves are straightforward and fairly standard so there's very little to comment on them. They do what they set out to do, and there's nothing about them that seems out of place. I will say that the means of corrupting Laszlo (By making him use energy only to replenish it with its own) is a fun idea, though.
  • Points: 25/30
  • Grammar & Formatting: Grammar and formatting are both fine. There's a couple of errors here and there, but nothing that detracts from the point you're trying to get across. Also Blounts is my new favourite thing.
  • Points: 15/15
  • Quotes: What!? An empty quotes section!? This is unacceptable!
  • Points: GTFO/10

Total Points: 85/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 16:37, May 31, 2016 (UTC)

User:Shen Yi[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Pass
Please do not edit this application.

Bang: A simple character. Forgive the blank Completed Form section. I'm holding off on completing that until I get the image of the Fullbring from one of the many artist ignoring me. The abilities are simply the initial form but placed over his entire body through a white cloak. Uh, everything else seems set. At most, he would be ranked Third Seat power I guess with the potential to be LT if he's trained by the correct person. Shen Yi (talk) 07:30, May 26, 2016 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment

  • Appearance: Basic and straightforward, alright. There's not much here, none of the content provides any problems, though the image representation doesn't exactly match (Being as white as can be doesn't really seem "brown"). There's a lack of detail on his character and we don't get to know too much about him as a result.
  • Points: 6/10
  • Personality: Okay, I get it. He's a jerk, but not really. The personality is long, but a fair amount of it is devoted to telling me that Bang is an asshole, but secretly a really good guy deep down. That's fine and all, but we don't need it to be repeated over and over. Its better to bring all that stuff up while its relevant. The information is there, and you've clearly put work into it, but it could be made a bit more concise. If he's a fatalist, give me all the traits associated with that as its brought up. If there's something that subverts that fact, tell me after that part and so on. It should flow together and not break up all across the place. You also referred to him as a bender at one point, recycling you're own work is fine, but you might wanna clear up the words that don't translate across universes, yeah?
  • Points: 20/25
  • History: The format here runs a lot smoother. All the pertinent information comes out whilst its pertinent, and we don't keep cycling back to the same two points. The history is fine, and the only thing I have to question is... Why would his parents tell Bang about their Hollow attack? At best it was a vivid dream to them, due to the "samurai" (Shinigami, I assume) casting a spell on them to help them cope. By this time that dream should have long faded, and is doubtful to be the first thing on their mind when their son reveals he has super powers.
  • Points: 18/20
  • Powers & Abilities: Holy balls. Well you've certainly done your homework on fencing, I'll give you that. However, I feel that a lot of the explanation and detail given is superfluous. Its great to put in a lot of detail, yes, but there comes a point when you have to think about why its there. Some of this stuff would be better left to participation in RP, where we actually see him engage in his stances and so on, rather than bogging down this one section with too much technical information (And I'm a hypocrite now... shit). Other than that his powers are grade A fine. The idea that he nearly jumped into a Garganta due to his powers is a nice touch too, kudos.
  • Points: 25/30
  • Grammar & Formatting: Fine on all fronts, if a little awkward when it comes to using the bullet points, but that happens to everyone. You do have a tendency to get the plural and singular forms of the word swordsman mixed up, a quick comb through should fix that up though.
  • Points: 14/15

Total Points: 83/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 18:06, May 31, 2016 (UTC)

User:Espeonite116[]

This application is closed. The result of this examination is:
Fail
Please do not edit this application.

Blazefang --Espeonite116 (talk) 14:51, September 22, 2016 (UTC)

Zf6hellion's Assessment:

Notes: Typhlosion is my favourite Pokemon. I will pretend I'm not biased about this.

  • Appearance: Well, fuck. Barely a line in and I'm already proving the notes wrong. This section is great. It gives me what I want to see, every part of Blazefang is detailed, and though its less technical than I tend to be on my own work, each part is still given its due through representation which makes things a bit more clean, I have to say.
  • Points: 10/10
  • Personality: Eh. I don't like how much of a goody two shoes Blazefang's Human identity is supposed to be. Not only is it rather dull, it doesn't particularly jive with her nature as a Hollow. Becoming a Hollow is all about that descent into madness, their first victims are often what they loved most, ala Sora/Acidwire. This is because the process of transforming into a Hollow is achieved through a dwindling loss of hope. Love becomes obsession when you are forced to realise that what you want is forever out of your reach. Its even worse if you're spiritually bound to it, and would twist that into hate. Blazefang would be an inversion of her current state, perhaps not an entirely 180-flip, because she wouldn't be a wholly different person. She's just the same, after someone twisted the knife around everything positive. In that sense, random outbursts of "Human Blazefang" don't make sense, especially since you mention she's aware she can't go back and that she apparently accepts her new self. If she's accepting of it, why does she have random headaches and regressions? You have to think of it like an addiction. Blazefang is still who she was, but now there's an unending desire to feed welled up inside her at all times that she needs to deal with, on top of that, all the things that made her "bright" before have been thrown in her face, so by the end of it there should be no split between Hollow and Human Blazefang, its just a woman experiencing a "natural" descent into madness. All that aside though, its decently written and technically fine.
  • Points: 15/25
  • History: Hm. The 1700s seems an odd time for a family of ghost killers to exist. At this point I'd expect most people to disbelieve than to accept their help. Superstition would have been dying down a fair bit at this point, though I guess that works to explain why they largely work for free. I have to ask though, is she a Quincy? If she is, then she's not hunting "paranormals", she'd know what a Hollow is. If she isn't, then there's nothing that says she destroys Souls, as that is a trait only brought into mention for Quincy, so she wouldn't, and would not have been barred from Soul Society because of it. The Menos Grande figuring out her brother isn't spiritually aware is both unusual and... unnecessary. With its level of power it could more than likely simply knock out Blazefang's brother using its Reiatsu, on top of that a Menos Grande is more-or-less purely a beast. It wouldn't have figured out Blazefang's sibling can't sense it, it wouldn't even have cared. Progression into a Hollow isn't a single day process, it takes a fairly long time of stewing in suffering and anguish for it to occur. And I'm fairly sure at this point the Shinigami would have purified her regardless of her impact on the balance to prevent further damage. Its long, and all, but the details are pretty messy, and you repeat a few things more than once in the same paragraph. When you tell us that Blazefang's parents will eventually grow too old to continue working, you don't need to tell us that they have, most people can infer that it happened.
  • Points: 10/20
  • Powers & Abilities: Hm. There's a couple of abilities missing, such as her regeneration that could be used to better flesh out her skillset. As it stands, there's not too much here to help her stand out. She's fast and she has control over magma, which isn't often seen to be fair, but I don't see much being done with it. Her Molten Trail ability, especially seems superfluous. Its effectiveness is pretty much null against a large part of the franchises cast who not only have the ability to move at augmented speeds, but walk through the air. A trail of magma on the ground is... kinda less than useful when it can be sidestepped so easily. Perhaps some more liberal applications would be good? You've cited one source for inspiration in LoK's Lavabending, but I would say that you should look at other examples to see how its used. Perhaps look up real world effects of magma and lava to see if you can come up with cool and interesting techniques to put them to use.
  • Points: 15/30
  • Grammar & Formatting: For the most part its fine, though it falls apart in the History section. A lot of it is poorly worded and prone to repetition, and could use a second look.
  • Points: 10/15

Total Points: 60/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 01:33, September 24, 2016 (UTC)