User blog comment:ShonenChicoBoy/Thanksgiving and the Other Turkey in the Room/@comment-24384232-20161126020422/@comment-18812574-20161129031028

Okay, N. I'm sorry that this is going to be harsh, but I am dead-tired and incapable of censoring myself atm so here it goes:

Problem 1: So the Coven is going to destroy the world. So... what? What exactly makes this goal personal to the other characters involved, or to the members of the Coven themselves, for that matter. It is a very LARGE goal. It is a very cliché goal, even though it is slightly different from the norm in that, "oh, we ain't gonna destroy it destroy it, per say, but enslave it to magic!" Yeah okay, but we're splitting hairs at this point. What makes this goal compelling, exactly? Because in order to present an actual threat, these guys actually need to be capable of achieving their goal. Which they are, which presents another problem, and that is how anyone is going to stop them. But before that we need to ask WHY anyone would bother to stop them? The Espada likely don't care. The Humans only care since they're the victims. The Shinigami are playing police again? (Okay, that may happen in real-life, but it's not a very compelling reason narratively speaking). Plus maybe the world enslaved by magic isn't so bad after all. And before you go on a very long descriptive paragraph on "yes it is bad, look at all the horror and torture and evil we will inflict upon ye petty mortals should you in fact be enslaved," consider first that the degree of how bad something is doesn't make it "more" or "less" threatening: what makes something threatening is tangible effect. Something that directly affects the characters. The "world being destroyed" is, as Void's video pointed out, not too convincing because the viewer/reader subconsciously "knows" that it isn't going to happen: because if it WERE to happen, the Coven would be committing suicide.

Problem 2: You keep mentioning that the Coven has "held the world hostage." Well. How? We haven't seen anything like that. They've come in for a few soul fragments, sure, but that's an immense effort there, to hold the world hostage. What, are they gonna shoot it with a cosmic laser beam? Now we are back to problem number 1. Anyway, the issue here is a claim made without supporting evidence. So far we have seen three mages and a secret lair. That does not ≠ "holding the world hostage," nor should it, because it kills narrative suspense. If that became a climax in the story's events, sure maybe that could work. But just stating outright not only kills the desire to write up a resistance because the plot is dictated outside of any character choice. Again referring to the video posted by Void, a good villain is one who makes the hero face difficult choices, not the one who strips them of all choice. Plus, in order to have a hostage, you need to keep said hostage alive, which defeats/dilutes the issue of problem 1 even further.

At any rate, I'm pretty sure the problem of problem 1 is the motivation: "the Coven desires to usher Soul Society into an era where those with magic rule supreme, with those without magical powers being seen as unwanted and outcasts".

The question is... why? What underlying reason is driving the main villain here, and why is the Coven likewise so driven to follow him? All I'm reading here is, "because they are powerful and want even more power, mwah hah hah." Maybe there is an underlying reason that can't be divulged due to plot-spoiler reasons, but a hint that something more is at stake here (personally at stake) would probably help immensely. Because, to be perfectly, completely, 100% honest, I could care less about the Coven and their current goal. They are powerful, they are "bad news"-- and that is about it. For someone interested in magic you have that element too, but shouldn't that be icing on the cake as opposed to their fundamental motivation?

Now for a tangent: The threat they presented to Xstence was interesting because it was immediate.... kind of. Again there was no choice involved, it was a "run or die, resistance is futile" type of scenario. You know that thrill you get in RPing? Doesn't that come from the fact that you know your character is fighting a character and the balance of the battle could go either way? It's that skin-of-the-teeth moment and the thin line between success or failure that creates a thrill in RPing. Sure we've been dealing with human Fullbringers, but why can't that same principle apply even then?

In my opinion, the plot in this most recent RP took over the characters. And both the characters and plot seem flat as a result.