Funerals Can Be Surprising


 * A special chapter to commemorate the death of Captain-Commander Yamamoto...!

Within the Soul Society, at the Seireitei, in the large First Division barracks meeting halls, a proper ceremony for the fallen Captain-Commander Yamamoto was to be given. On the outsides of the barracks, the Shinigami gathered by the horde to pay their respects to the fallen commander. But only the Captains, a handful of their high-ranked officers, and the nobles of Soul Society's four houses were permitted inside the hall for the official ceremony. Though, there was an exception for one individual that served significance to the Soul Society, and two of his students as well, whom served respective roles within the Gotei 13.

"Well, if it isn't Seireitou-san. I hadn't expected to see you here." Kyōraku, the current Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13, a former student of Yamamoto himself, spoke, welcoming the long-retired Captain to the funeral procession.

"Now now, Shunsui-kun, I'd be a bastard if I didn't come to the old man's funeral. Despite my personal dislike of him, he was still a respectable man and deserves to be paid his respects." Seireitou responded.

Kyōraku gave a soft chuckle. "You know more than anyone that Yama-jii hated when people acted all sentimental over the deceased. If he were still around, he'd condemn us for being foolish enough to hold a ceremony for a fallen soldier.

"Oji-san! Why did you pass away so young?!" cried the voice of one of the Captains at the front of the hall, sitting on his knees in front of a picture of the late Captain-Commander. One of his officers, named Kondō, placed his hand on the Captain's shoulder. "Calm down, Captain... We're sitting in front of the deceased, after all."

Seireitou's eyes narrowed as he saw who was sitting there. It was the Tenth Division Captain, and his good friend, Raian.

Raian eventually stood up and turned away, walking down the hall where he confronted Seireitou, as the two bowed politely toward one another.

"A truly great man has been lost to us." Raian spoke first.

"Yeah... One of Soul Society's most invaluable warriors has disappeared." Seireitou responded.

Minato, one of Seireitou's students, stood dumbfounded with his eyes shaded black. "...They're... actually behaving?"

Hinata, his other student, then spoke up. "It seems even those stooges can act serious in times like this. We should follow their lead."

---

Everyone took their seats as the ceremony began. Incense began to burn as a shinto priest in the front began to utter some words in front of the Captain-Commander's image. Seireitou was watching intently until something caught his eye...

There, above the image of the old man, was a strange ghostly visage. It looked exactly like Yamamoto, but dressed in white.

Seireitou stared with a stoic expression, raising his hand up and began tapping Minato's shoulder frantically.

"What is it, master?" Minato answered quietly.

The silver-haired man began to sweat. "Um... do you uhh... see that?"

"See what?" Minato responded.

"THAAAAAT. THEEEERE! THAT THEEEERE!" Seireitou would state loudly, although in hushed tones.

"Can't you see iiiiiit?! It's right friggin' there!" said Raian, who was sitting across the hall from Seireitou.

Kondō shook his head. "Captain, there's nothing there. Pipe down before we make a scene.

Seireitou and Raian, whom were both sweating, both looked at one another.

"Hold on... You can... see it, man?" Seireitou silently asked.

Raian held his finger up slowly, pointing at where they saw the strange ghost-like visage of Yamamoto.

"Waaaaaaait, so we're the only ones who can see that? How can ghosts even exist, aren't we already spiriiiiits?!" Seireitou remarked.

Raian then answered. "That's what it seems to be... There are phenomena that can happen even in the spirit world... It could be the residue of Yamamoto's spiritual power from when he was killed... Is he still alive? Maybe he's alive?"

"Do-Don't be stupid! The old man is dead! There's no way that what we're seeing here can be him! People aren't transparent!" Seireitou replied.

Raian then nodded, trying to make sense of the situation. "Yeah, it has to be another guy. Oji-san wasn't that wishy washy. He was clear-cut! He would never be transparent. Yep.

"...Come to think about it, isn't anyone being transparent kind of weird?" Seireitou added.

"I mean, surely it can't possibly be the old man. But transparency isn't normal." Raian continued.

Seireitou nodded softly. "You know the old man wouldn't do that to us. He was firm. Decisive. He wouldn't appear transparently at a place like this. Although, to be honest, I guess he did have times of weakness... and that would make him transparent I guess."

"And he's floating like that above the casket where his remaining ashes were placed."

"Wouldn't this make him a ghost?"

"Yeah, it has to be."

"A ghost, definitely."

"Yep."

"..."

The two then jumped from their seats and frantically made a dash for the door of the halls.

"Hey, wait!! What are you guys doing?!" Minato called out in protest, turning to see the two fools making such noise.

"W-W-W-W-We have to use the bathroom!!" Seireitou responded.

Raian held onto his ankles to stop him. "You can't just leave a seat of honor like that!!"

"Let go of me!! What the hell do you want?!" Seireitou cried, trying to kick Raian off his legs.

The visage of Yamamoto peered over to the source of the ruckus.

"Oh crap, the old man is staring at us! He's GLARING right at us!" Seireitou then noticed.

Raian's eyes turned dark. "Crap crap crap! Don't look at him! Act like we don't know anything!"

The ghostly form of Yamamoto began making his way toward Seireitou and Raian.

"Oh this is bad, the old man is coming for us! What'll we doooo?!" Raian then voiced out.

Seireitou kept scratching for the door handle. "Quick! Play dead! He'll never figure that out!"

"Idiot, how would a dead guy not know when someone is playing dead?! Isn't this his occupation now?!" Raian retorted.

Yamamoto's visage then turned to see Omaeda, the Lieutenant of the Second Division, who was snacking on seaweed chips noisily.

"Fatass, you need to be silent during a funeral." Soifon, his Captain, then voiced out.

Suddenly, Yamamoto's palm reached outwards and slapped Omaeda's face, sending him flying into the wall as he crashed into the walls, raising a stir around the ceremony. Soifon tried to calm them all down, taking responsibility for what had just transpired. Yamamoto, on the other hand, his body became muscular and an intense fiery blue aura overtook his body.

Seireitou and Raian stared silently, and blinked, before making a frontal slide against the wooden floor and returning to their seats as quick as possible.

The two shivered silently in their spots.

"Captain, weren't you going to the bathroom?" Kondō asked.

Raian merely shook his head. "I'll hold it."

Minato then asked, from the other side. "It's fine if you guys want to hold it... but don't force yourself to stay if you can't."

Seireitou also shook his head. "N-N-Nah, I can hold it."

Raian then whispered over to his friend. "Y-Y-Y-You saw that right? Oji-san isn't going to take anything other than a perfect funeral... and if anyone screws that up, he's probably going to send them to the basement of Hell."

"Sir?" came the voice of the man sitting in front of Raian. "It's your turn to burn incense."

"What?" questioned Raian.

"The nobles have already had their turn, now it's the Captain's turn. And it is your turn now." the man said.

The two began to sweat again.

"When the hell did everyone take their turn at the alter?! I really, REALLY, don't want to go up to where Oji-san is resting!!" Raian answered.

"I can't do this dammit! If I go up there now, I'm going to wet myself for sure! For sure! It'll be the complete opposite of aromatherapy! It's just going to leave the smell of wet ass in the room!!" Seireitou cried.

Seireitou then looked down for a moment. "Besides, I'm not even sure what to feel up there! I can't tell whether to feel sad like when Bambi's mother died or they put down ol' Spirit Yeller!"

Raian then retorted. "What are you, stupid?! Aren't you an adult?!"

"Shut your trap! You're hesitant to go too, aren't you?! You can't remember anything about him, can you?" Seireitou responded.

"Not really, you bastard! I can go burn incense anytime I want to! I'm different than you!" Raian then spoke.

"Then you go!" said Seireitou.

---

The two sighed out loud, after everybody had went up and done their final remarks.

"Somehow we survived that...?!" came to both Seireitou and Raian's minds.

The ceremony had finally came to the end and it was time to bring Yamamoto's remains to the Sōkyoku Hill where it would be properly buried.

"Oh, Seireitou-san. Captain Getsueikirite. Would you two mind helping to carry the casket?" said Kyōraku.

Seireitou and Raian's eyes went dim.

Suddenly, Seireitou grabbed his arm and jerked, snapping his elbow in the opposite direction and breaking it, while Raian struck his shoulder with an open palm strike, dislocating it.

"Sorry, I'd love to but my left arm just broke." Raian replied to him.

"Yeah, mine too." Seireitou gestured to his broken arm. "I can't lift anything like this, Shunsui-kun."

Kyōraku had nodded softly. "It's fine, no worries." But then Yamamoto's visage had returned, shooting a fierce glance at the two.

Both sprung up from their seats frantically toward the casket, sliding over one another as they reached it.

"On second thought, let's do this! We're here to serve, aren't we, Raian-kun?!" Seireitou questioned.

"Y-Yeah! To be honest, we were just wondering to ourselves how we could help more! Right, Seireitou-kun?!" Raian answered.

"Oh good, you two. Let's bring the casket to the hill then. Myself and Ukitake will help." Kyōraku responded.

"Oi oi, this is bad! How am I supposed to lift this with my broken arm?!" Seireitou stared down at the casket.

"My shoulder's fucking sticking out from my back, it hurts like a whore! Why the hell do I have to do thiiiis?!" Raian thought.

"No choice then, Raian. Let's do this!" Seireitou called out.

"One! Two! Three!" the two said together, lifting the casket with one arm a piece, with such force that it was sent flying through the barracks walls, making its way to the outside.

Seireitou and Raian's eyes became black as their mouths remained wide in shock.

Yamamoto's visage became engulfed in flames, just as before, as if he was ready to take everybody with him down to Hell.

The two flew from the halls and landed outside, grabbing the casket and began running frantically down the Seireitei streets.

"Faster! Faster!! Become like the wind, dammit!" Seireitou roared.

Both of them ran for the execution grounds, climbing up the steps and leaving a trail of smoke and debris behind them in their frantic mad dash for Sōkyoku Hill.

They eventually arrived, dropping the casket as they fell on their backs, panting and trying to regain their calm and composure.

It was minutes later that the other Captains arrived, and the final part of the ceremony began, with the spreading of his ashes over the hilltop of the execution grounds, so that the Captain-Commander Yamamoto, founder of the Gotei 13, would remain a part of the Seireitei forever.

"Oi... Raian-san." Seireitou asked as he still remained on his back, laying a couple inches away from where Raian was. "Do you think the old man was pleased?"

"I think so. We haven't seen his visage at all, so I can only think he's finally moved on." Raian responded.

"That's good." Seireitou finished.

''Farewell, Yama-jii! You will be missed!''

END