User blog:Blankslate/Regarding the New Years, the Past, and possibly the Future

The best way I can think of to start this blog is to say that I'm going to get straight to it. No horrid attempts at humor, no attempts to make me look like I'm some sort of pariah amongst you all... none of that crap. What I'm about to say in this following blog has been a long time coming; it's going to have things in it that I should have already said years ago, and things that I've always wanted to say, but like all of my works on this site and others, were put off in favor of me just staring at a computer screen endlessly and doing nothing. You all deserve to hear this, and I'm going to lay it all out.

I'm not a complicated guy; my story isn't at all fascinating. I was born here in rural North Carolina to two loving, but flawed, parents and had it pretty nice growing up. I've made friends in my time here since birth, some who remain by my side to this day, and some who have sadly moved on to other places but still try to keep in contact with me. School was rough, but never as hard as I might jokingly make it out to be, and I passed all of it with fair regards from my teachers. Some kids from this school bullied me for a while, but after we all graduated and began our own respective treks into the waking world, these bullies and myself began to call each other "friends", and we act respectful towards each other, and even share a few laughs every now and then.

My workforce life on the other hand has been a bit chaotic and depressing. Remember those flaws I mentioned above about my parents? Yeah, those flaws generally refer to anger issues and financial responsibility. My parents owned and lost three restaurants within a year and six months of assuming ownership of them, and I worked at all of them for little to no pay. According to my folks, a bed and roof over my head was the only form a payment I needed (sound logic from parents, am I right?), but a bed and house would be something that the entire family would need after the third restaurant went down under. My parents are both currently in a huge debt to a lot of people simply because they weren't good at saving money, and when winter hits a small mountain community like this, money is hard to come by, especially for small businesses. These things, among others, ultimately caused my parents to divorce about two years ago, and the divorce was pretty violent. Things were said, punches were thrown, driveways were scarred with tire tracks, it was all a great big mess. Thankfully, that's been put all behind us. My mom now lives about three hours away with her birth family, and I try to go see her as much as I can, and I currently live with my dad, who does nothing but work, love, and guide myself and my brother towards a better path, and to not make the same mistakes he made.

I now currently work as a Cook over at a brand new Casino about thirty minutes away from where I live, and guys... it's freaking amazing. I adore my job and nearly every person that I work with, and the money I make will keep me lasting for a pretty long time. I've finally stopped buying Yu-Gi-Oh cards in favor of actually buying a car, and it's a damn good car. Doing a down payment every month is costly, but at least I know my money is going towards something useful and not just for a hobby. While I am hoping to one day have a house of my own, I know it's just a bit too soon, and my dad wants to ensure that I have all the knowledge I need about managing finances and resources before I make that choice. School and College are... not very high on my list. Sure there are things that I want to go and study for; I want to work in the film industry to some degree, but honestly, I want to establish myself first, make sure that I know what the world is truly like before I try to study for a job in a field that might not be hiring at all.

So, why am I telling you guys my life story? It's not very fascinating and nothing peculiarly interesting happened based on it. Well, my reasoning for saying all of this is to show you all that I have no excuses. My life isn't hard or cumbersome like it is for so many other people; I daresay I have it better than most other folks on the wikia world. If I wanted to, I could sit here and edit all day to my heart's content, god knows I want to. See guys, the point of this blog, along with what I mentioned above, is to convey two simple words:

I'm sorry.

I know a couple of seasoned users here who are very tired of those two words coming from my mouth (keyboard?), but it just has to be said. Not just for them, but for the rest of this community as well; I feel I've done you all a huge disservice as an administrator on this website by remaining so inactive and hardly doing anything of note.

As some users here will tell you, I was a serious pain in the ass when I first started here on BFF. I joined Achrones and Mangetsu in their "Children of Izanami" roleplay series after some talks with both of them. We seemed to hit things off pretty well but, the RP that I actually took part in with Archie... oh god, it makes me want to puke just thinking about it. As Nanja had pointed out, I turned Sui-Feng, one of the coolest females in the series, into a diaper-changing laundry mat housewife, married to a complete gary stu dunce of a character and helping to stop the plot of an incoherent and poorly developed villain for an even more incoherent payoff. I don't blame Archie at all for any of this, as he's an infinitely better writer than I can ever hope to be; if anything, it was all my fault for placing ambition above quality.

Ambition is something I can attribute to my poor skills as a writer. You know those lame Internet surveys that ask you "what kind of person you are" or "which stars align with you" n' shit? Well, I've taken a few of those and, while I take all of them with a grain of salt, they all do have one consistent message: "You have a grand imagination, but you often put your imagination over others." This is something that stuck with me for a very long time, and I suppose you could say is the driving force behind this blog. The reason I don't try to roleplay with others is because I always put my ideas over theirs. Is the story going to go a way I don't want it to go? Fuck that noise, I'll just stop roleplaying with them. Is this character not going to get in a particular relationship with mine? Fuck that shit, I'll make my own story and not worry about them. It's a very childish mentality, an unhealthy one too. I remember when the FC was going strong, and I told Nanja that my character, Naomi, was going to be the one to kill Kraven, as the two of them had a past. Nanja, while agreeing that it would be fit for the ending I had in mind for her, argued that it wasn't fair to the rest of the community that was taking part in the project. The userbase as a whole deserved to deal the finishing blow, not just mine. We argued about it for a while, and even though I was in the wrong the entire time, I kept trying to push it, push my idea for this character's resolution. I couldn't bear the idea of somebody else getting the glory of that final kill.

Another thing I should point out is that I'm not exactly cultured. As you all remember, I completely humiliated myself on the FC by assuming that two characters in Japan followed the same driver laws as they do over here in the states. It was a very poorly thought out move, and I clearly should have done something else to introduce that part of the RP. Thing is, while I can picture anime in my head easier than I can live action or other forms of animation, I generally envision events in an "American" style, the Michael Bay style action and explosions n' such. Like I said, not very cultured, and that's something I've got to work on.

So yeah, a lot of what you read in this blog makes little to no sense I'm sure (I'm horribly at punctuation, obviously), but I had to get it out of my system. I feel I've done more harm to this community than I have good, and that's something that I will be trying to work towards fixing this following year. I make no promises, in fact, I daresay I'll end up just doing the exact same thing over again, but I will promise that I am going to at least try not to let that be so.

If anyone has anything that they need to say, let loose in the comments below. I will be reading and replying to all of them.

Cheers to a new year in BFF's history.

-Blank