Bleach Abridged: Chapter 4: Coming In The Back Door

Setting: Hueco Mundo

"And now we're heeeeeeeere~" sang Ichigo, as himself, Chad, Orihime, Kisuke Urahara, Nel, and her two unimportant canon fodder friends arrived in the deserts of Hueco Mundo.

"Wait wait wait, how did we get here? WHY are we here? Did Kubo skip several important plot points again?" Ichigo protested.

Time began to rewind.

Setting: Ichigo's House

Hours after the defeat of Ivan whatshisface, a strange green-haired girl and Bruce Vilanch came through a black portal.

"N-Nel?!" called out Ichigo.

"Itchycrotch! We need help!" Nel, the young girl, cried.

"Sounds like my cue." came a voice from the window. Kisuke Urahara was the one sitting there. "Who's got two thumbs, a rap sheet with the Soul Society the size of Orihime's rack, and nefarious plots afoot? This guuuuuuuuuy~" he said.

Setting: Hueco Mundo

"So thaaaaat's why." Ichigo nodded. "...Same old, same old."

They happened across what appeared to be a strange camp, in which many hooded figures were chained together and walking along in formation.

"Now, it seems there is something going on here. The best thing to do is wait and-" Urahara was then interrupted.

"Hey hey, motherfuckers! Ichigo in the hooooouse!" Ichigo yelled, jumping into

"...And he's the one who beat Aizen?" Urahara pondered.

I don't feel like going back to the manga and remembering what happened specifically, so... Ichigo goes Bankai. And shit happens. Shit happens. Shit happens. More shit happens. The fight's over. Everybody in the audience looks pissed.

Setting: Seireitei

Shinigami by the hordes were running along the streets of Seireitei.

Ryūnosuke, however, merely thought about what was going on.

Flashback

"They stole my tea! Also, they killed Choji or whatever his name is. We can not allow these grievous crimes to go unpunished!" roared Yamamoto during the Captain's Council.

"Prepare for war!"

End Flashback

"Ryūnosuke-san? What are you doing there?" came the voice of Blonde Aizen. "You're supposed to be preparing for battle."

Ryūnosuke looked over at him. "Yeah, I understand, Blonde Aizen-san, but... I have to question what this is all about. Are the Quincy evil?"

"Look, Ryūnosuke, you have to understand. When in war, both sides are in the wrong. If you take anything from this, it's that the Gotei 13 does whatever it wants, whenever it wants, at all times. Do you understand, you chicken shit virgin?" he explained.

Ryūnosuke nodded softly.

"When it comes to war, it's-... It's..." but his voice cut short.

Blonde Aizen stared at the skies with fear fogging up his glasses, causing Ryūnosuke to also look up in horror.

"Ho ho hoho, please. Do go on." came the voice of Yhwach, floating above the skies of Seireitei. "I was getting so aroused at the sound of war."

END