Talk:Frignel Dernn

Review.
The first thing I managed to come across while looking at this was the quote. Now, I don't know if you know this, but that's a simple paraphrased quote from Naruto Uzumaki, a canon character from the Naruto series. It's an obvious sign of a novice role-player, someone who prefers to simply copy off canon characters instead of coming up with their own original content. It benefits no one, makes you look bad and you're better off waiting until you're actually RPing with someone and finding a quote to work with later on. Second thing: there are some grammar mistakes which, while few in amount, are still rather distracting and make some possibly crucial sentences difficult to understand. I do suggest looking at other articles and analyzing how they're written, particularly ones created by the admins themselves, if you need an example.

Now, onto the deeper information.

For personality.... well, from what you have put so far, there really is no personality. Not only is the description ridiculously short, but the details are nothing short of the stereotypical hero that everyone wants to be. There is no depth, no humanity, and nothing to be interested in, no fears, no likes or dislikes, no views of anything or anyone around him.... it's just simply too generic for any worth. This is an example of simply rushing through something without any desire to actually think it through to the very end - a trait required in order to keep articles to a professional level as well as an interesting character.

The same with the abilities section. With his general abilities, there's no depth of understanding the strengths and weaknesses, showing the same signs of decay as the way you described his personality. Not to mention there are some inconsistencies with what you have itself. Just because he uses Magic to attack doesn't mean that he's going to automatically have a vast amount of spiritual energy. Don't be a chicken that wants all the power, put some sort of weaknesses in order to make it realistic! Otherwise, you'll just look like another n00b that wants all the power in RPing.

That's all I can say about this particular article, but you can expect more from me in the future. Boton :3 17:05, October 26, 2011 (UTC)