Thread:Kenji Hiroshi/@comment-3403804-20150505003701/@comment-3403804-20150505160512

So, you're focusing more or less exclusively on Kentaro and Akiye I see; an interesting premise I guess, although a tad limited. Might just be that I prefer reading about close-knit groups where everyone gets an equal share of the action, the fewer main characters, the narrower the focus, but it also makes character development and inter-character dynamics a lot harder to accomplish. This could of course work, if you manage to pull off the interactions between Kentaro and Akiye superbly well. I've skimmed through Kentaro and Akiye, and one of the first things I noted was just how much more powerful Kentaro is than her, I'm sensing a pattern here, not only with you, but with a lot of fanon writers in general. In a setting like the Bleachverse, character power, whether it be personal, political and military is an extremely important facet of the character, and generally, the more powerful characters tend to be the ones who go through the most development over a story. They can fight the biggest fights, face the biggest threats, and they're the ones people generally talk about. Their power becomes more than just a kick-ass selection of skills, it becomes a significant part of what drives the story forwards.

In regards to Akiye, the difference between them, the fact that they, ability-wise remain unequal is a potential problem you might want to address sooner rather than later, I don't know why you've made her weaker than Kentaro, if I remember correctly, she was originally part of a pretty powerful criminal organization, but I hope you ain't done it in order to allow her to become a potential tool to use against him in the future. Kidnapping the heroes love interest and holding them hostage to get an edge over them went out of style a decade ago in all honesty. Yet still people keep on using it.

If you decide to go that route, make them pay for doing it, and most importantly of all do not completely and utterly damsel her, she's still an intelligent woman, and pretty powerful besides, if they make a mistake, have her escape on her own. Even clichés can be salvageable if they're done and written extremely well, and break many of the conventions to make the situation unique.

So yeah, in regards to Akiye, you should probably boost her up quite a bit over the course of this story, while leaving Kentaro more or less as he currently is. From my end at least, it'd be a lot more interesting about the two of them fighting the villains together as a true battle-couple and as equals, than it would be to watch Kentaro beat the bajeesus out of most of the actual threats while Akiye mostly stands on the sidelines, being relegated to taking care of the smaller fry.

Beyond that though, Akiye is something else. She's nothing close to your typical romantic lead, she's not soft-hearted (as expected from a former member of a criminal organization), knows what she wants, ongoing war be damned and she's got drive and focus, but, here's the thing: a drive towards what? What is Akiye's goal, does it merely default to reflect Kentaro's goal or does she have a distinct objective for herself? If she doesn't, she should probably get one, an objective that perhaps differs from Kentaro in some way, an excellent way to give birth to some conflict and challenge their relationship. Because for their romance to stay relevant and interesting, it needs to be challenged over the course of the story.

Now, as for the premise of the Cataclysm itself; it's got potential, but there's not really that much information written up on it at the moment. I guess you could have yourself a post-apocalyptic setting here, it's become more common as of late. I'd like to see how it goes later, if you've got any chapters you're particularly pleased about I'd love to have a look.