Thread:Mangetsu20/@comment-4280197-20140202041157/@comment-8621178-20140202090946

9.) I can't speak for Mangetsu, but I think what he meant is you have failed to execute the concept in an appealing manner. To be more specific, the manner of which your character acquired Hollow powers is very contrived and makes little sense; this gives me (and possibly others) the impression that you have given your character said powers just for the hell of it (basically what Seireitou was saying regarding this and some of his other transformations), rather than for any plot-related purpose. In short, it seems rather redundant.

Now, I'll explain. One immediate issue is that you state your character acquired Hollow powers as a result of an (unexplained) accident when experimenting (not simply researching, otherwise no accident could have occurred) with Hollowfication techniques with Urahara. Obviously, this had to have occurred sometime after Urahara's defection from Soul Society, otherwise this experiment would have no purpose unless Urahara had some sort of malicious hidden agenda. Note that your character was transferred to another division long before Urahara captian of the Twelveth Division, and, at the time of his defection, would still be "living" in the Royal Palace. For your character to depart to the Living World, experiment with some sort of Hollowfication technique alongside Urahara (despite the fact that your character couldn't have possibly had any first-hand experience with Hollowfication. Why would he be there at all?), and somehow become a perfect Vizard by means of some random accident is extremely unlikely—not impossible, but a drastically contrived sequence of events. And in case you're going to argue that you simply intend to rewrite the canon in order to make this sequence of events more probable, if you need to undo canon events just so your character can have a particular transformation, you're obviously doing something wrong. The fact that this is all so poorly explained at this moment indicates that you prioritize power over plot, another problem altogether.

Also, Tosen's Hollowfication was very different from that of a regular Vizard, so I would definitely suggest removing at least the Resurrección if you intend to keep the Hollow powers.