User talk:Sentonara

I am looking for a enemy or ally of The Mori Clan
i am currenting looking for someone or a group who would like to RP an ally or an enemy of the Mori clan, against Yoshitsugu,Ranmaru and all of them. I am open to any stroylines,charatcers,or ideas about it. So if you would like i would be more than happy to take any ideas you might want to do.

Thanks,

Sentonara(Sentonara 03:13, April 10, 2011 (UTC))

Question
Can you tell me who the guy is you are using for Ranmaru's pics? Sadow-sama 02:09, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

The dude who i am using a guy from an anime called Sengoku basara

Thanks
Just wondering. Might use him for a character in my other work on a different wiki. But thanks a lot though! Sadow-sama 20:59, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hey no probelm

Heya
Hello! Im User WanderingShinobi, here with a few tips and the such.

First, I notice that your characters lack an infobox. I advise putting one in, as Admins liek to delete character articles without them.

Second, I recommend reading the Manual of Style, as again, Admins dont take kindly to things going outside the standard.

Balance is EverythingUser Talk:WanderingShinobi 04:18, April 7, 2011 (UTC)

ok thank you very much i am still figuring out how to do all the stuff but i will figure it out

Answer
At the moment, I'm not seeking to expand stories with anyone else. I want to develop my characters more before I do anything else, thank you for the offer though--Hohenheim of Light 03:49, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Reply
Well.... I have to look at it to be sure. Just give me some time to do so, k? Senkaku, the Lost Prodigy (My Personal Character 04:26, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Howdy
Firstly let me welcome you to the wiki. Anyways, I'm too busy with my own stories and the Gravity Force at the minute to start other projects, so I'm afraid I won't be fit to RP with the Mori Clan or its members. But I will give you the review on Yoshitsugu Mori that you asked for :)

Okay, first off the bat, congratulations on using the correct infobox template. Its something few of the new users do, and if they do, its usually the old outdated ones lol. Truth be told pal, I have to agree with what Hohenheim of Light said in his review. Grammars an issue, but then again, its an issue with everyone 'cause nothings perfect. Before posting your articles, perhaps you could get someone you know to beta read it for you and pick out the mistakes.

His appearance and personality are important parts of a character, and your descriptions aren't very long. Try and describe how the uniform fits him, his most seen facial expressions, muscle build. Is he muscular, or lean-built? Is he wiry and fast? Things like that help the reader picture the character in their mind and ultimately improves an article by leaps and bounds. Now, his personality is lacking also. Why does he want chaos to spread to the world? What are the lengths he'd go to to see it done? Does he have any habits that make him more unique, subtle habits like a nervous twitch, or a fear of something, like mice or snakes. Small things like that can make a huge difference between a successful character and those who don't get the time of day.

In his history section, you've mentioned he has gone insane with his noble power and influence. That could be detailed in his personality section to expand on it. While you've made a good stab at the history section, it suffers from the same grammar issues I talked about earlier. Get someone to proof read over it before you post and take your time when your writing it.

Anyways, his zanpakutō is short and rather lacking in terms of detail. Its an important part of any character as the zanpakutō is the manifestation of the users very soul and the partner the Shinigami has through thick and thin, regardless of the situation. Expand on the details. How does it look? What do the abilities do beyond the basic descriptions? What does his Bankai look like? What powers does it grant? Address these issues and the article will improve.

At the minute, pal... the article needs a lot of work. But don't let that discourage you. Keep trying, 'cause everyone needs to start somewhere. I hope I managed to help you out a little with this, so good luck, dude. Kenji-Taichō (Talk)  08:26, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Requested review
Hello~

First off, welcome to BFF. I remember you haha, I think I offered you some advice awhile back. Maybe.

Anyway, as far as reviewing your pages, The Mori Clan has good potential, but Im no master review person. The only thing I could really say is a bit off, is that some Zanpakuto detail could work. Other than that, good creativity :)

I have to apologize however, as I have no one in my character crew that would be good allies, however if you would like to pit one of yours against one of mine, (for practice or a test run, no permanent effects) Im sure I can find the time.Balance is EverythingUser Talk:WanderingShinobi 19:21, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

RE: Mori Clan
All right, I've checked it, and I think I can give you some details.

For one, potential enemies of the Mori Clan could be the Central 46, or at least a certain branch that is affiliated with them in some way. Allies could be ones that would be most likely to sympathize with the clan. Both of these groups would have to know the true identity of the clan, mind you. --Senkaku, the Lost Prodigy (My Personal Character 23:53, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Um, yeah I think there might be a mixup here. Although in the future, it might be possible to do an RP, at the current time, I'm trying to get most of my characters fixed up. Thanks though and keep up the good work on your clan. --- Illuminate Void (Talk) 20:57, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

Character Regards and Storylines
I will take a look when I have the time. My computer has seen better days at the moment so I may have to do so through the school computers. But I will certainly have a look and tell you what I think. In regards to the Enemy part of this so-called "Mori Clan", my Kadran race might fit the bill. Though they may seem a bit other-worldly in regards to the Bleach Universe, I assure you they are brilliant RP material and I will strive hard for a good time. Sadow-sama 00:18, April 11, 2011 (UTC)

Improvement
I like how you are building off the tips the community has given you ^^, you have great intent as I can see in your articles and Yoshitsugu is looking good. I fixed the quotation area's of your character, if they don't "tickle your fancy" (yes... I said it :3), you can always revert them back to the original. Happy Editing!--Hohenheim of Light 01:41, April 11, 2011 (UTC)

Nice!
Its good to see your making a good stab at improving your articles based on the feedback you've been given. I was particulary impressed with Gaiten Shirotokisada, considering you've only recently posted him and the details are already of a much higher standard. Anyway, the template you've used on his character page is an old, outdated one that was retired some time ago lol. The one your looking to use now is Template:Bleach Character Infobox (Arrancar). For the actual list of templates go to Special:Templates and pick out the one you need to use. Keep up the good work so far, pal :) Kenji-Taichō (Talk)  18:41, April 14, 2011 (UTC)


 * Yeah, you wouldn't be too far wrong with that, actually. In fact, I find it harder to make a good, memorable quote when compared to the other parts of the character, to be honest. Finding the right words to fit their personality, and with most of my characters, their young age, is a pretty hard process lol. One of the main tips I can give you in making your articles, though, is to check the preview window before saving any changes you make. You'll be fit to read through it as everyone else would see it then, making it easier to pick up on mistakes and the like. You may also want to try spacing out your paragraphs, as Yoshitsugu's appearance and history is now quite long. Splitting the appearance into perhaps two paragraphs would make it more appealing for the one reading it, pal. As for Kiyomasa, he's coming along quite nicely. Like I said in my last message, your using the advice the community has given you, which in my opinion speaks highly of your intentions to improve. You seem to enjoy posting your work and having others comment on it, so I say go for it and punch out some memroable articles. One thing about Kiyomasa, though. The bankai doesn't need its own individual section. Organization of the headings and sub-headings are important to, so keep it within the zanpakutō part. Aside from that, keep up the good work :) Kenji-Taichō (Talk)  19:45, April 14, 2011 (UTC)


 * Its a good attitude to have, thats for sure. Well, its nice to have a few new users who can take comments, improve based on them and keep editing. The majority come on for a week or two and loose interest lol. Sei, as he's better known, has some real good articles on here, though. Its not just character articles, but organizations and powers as well. But thanks, pal. Kenji was my first character and acts as my main character throughout my stories, though his son Kentaro Hiroshi has started to fill that role lately as well. Kenji-Taichō (Talk)  20:09, April 14, 2011 (UTC)


 * Linking from a template is pretty much the same as creating any other link. Say the field on the template is partner. To form the link, all you have to do is type in [ [ Ranmuru Mori ] ] without the spaces and you'll have created your link. Just remember to check your preview before posting, 'cause links in the template can make the template look thrown all over the place if the link isn't done correctly. Hope that helps ya out, dude. Kenji-Taichō (Talk)  20:37, April 14, 2011 (UTC)