Talk:Haruki Satonaka

Introduction:
His introduction is short concise and quite good in fact - his article is rather small compared to some of your other characters make this generally desirably, nothing bad to say here really its at the perfect length for an article of this length.

Rating 7/10

Appearance:
I recognized his heterochromia straight away, and I was surprised to find out that you knew about the word as well, you did well to explain it in depth like you did and when I continued to read it became evident that you had spent a good deal of time on describing his appearance: Which is good and shouldn't be neglected simply because the character has badass powers.

You also prod at some aspects of his personality in this section, which I personally deem to be a good thing as it provides other users more depth. You also expand on how others may perceive him, which is something I haven't seen too much on other works, but which I feel is a very welcomeing notion.

Rating 8/10

Personality
I could tell quite early that I'd like this character in that as your main character for generation II he's very different from the norm, brooding, quiet (especially that one :D) and gentle are very rarily, if ever seen in main characters - wherein the norm is cocky, dumb, loud and introverted. Its nice to see such a refreshing change once in a while. He's thus pretty much a main character besides the norm, quite like Ichigo, though the latter is by no means "Gentle", he's a rough-tough meanie :P

You do also mention that he too is something of an introvert, in that he rarely opens up to people, but do explain that he does care for his friends, even if you hint that he might not always show it openly. The fact that he feels embittered by death, even that of his opponent is very neat, it gives him a more boyish-like personality and does much to steeple the fact that he IS still very much a boy. Thumbs up for originality!

The split personality is also an unique addition, despite it being quite hard to roleplay as in my own experience, I like the fact that Shirai is pretty much Haruki's polar opposite and in that you portray him as while he's not outrightly malicious, he's still pretty dangerous compared to Haruki's usual self. The fact that you've written that they can indeed work together effectively is a nice addition.

Its even nicer how they become much more powerful when they actually do work together, this would undouptedly catch an opponent off-guard quite quickly, as would the changes depending on which of them is currently in control.

Rating 10/10 for originality and good writing

History
Its understandable that they developed their Zanpakuto at a young age, though I feel compelled to note that Zanpakuto is a noun, rather than a verb or adjective and as such it is simply written "Zanpakuto" regardless of the number, the correct sentence would then be something like "He along with his sister Azami developed a connection with their respective Zanpakuto at a young age" also, you have miswritten "Took" as "Toook" though that is quite obviously due to a keyboard mistake :).

You've gone forward explaining things that I was aware of from before, such as the attack by Inshu and the one-sided battle that followed; you also mention and provide a reason for his abilities in this section, which is generally quite good.

Rating 7/10

Powers & Abilities
I can see that you've generally put more effort into his Appearance, Zanpakuto and Personality than his usual powers and abilities, you don't give the reader hardly any information at all an its usually only a few short sentences. I like that you've taken Rutilus' gifts into concideration though I think I should note that he gave Haruki knowledge in Kido and Hakuda, as opposed to Swordsmanship, of which he has little to no knowledge.

I don't really have much more to say of this section other than it being well-written, but as previously stated, quite too short.

Rate 5/10

Zanpakuto
Reitōtsū as a Zanpakuto is quite the neat creation and one of the few Elemental-Type Zanpakuto I've seen in the Gravity Force, It also makes alot of sense that it has two Shikai forms. I especially enjoy the great amount of detail and the explanation as to why it is can manipulate and create Ice and snow, you've also explained that its unlimited supply is due to logical reasons though one could wonder if the same would apply to Soul Society by extension.


 * Aoi Sekai - I first thought this to be little more than a clone of Haku's Demonic Ice Mirrors, but soon found that this was hardly the case at all, you've been original in that this technique is more about restriction and Combat Control than really anything else, so my hats off for this one it was a pleasant and original surprise! :)

Its neat how the second Shikai is especially tailored to Shirai, going as far as to bring out that personality when the release command is verbally announced - I like this release better than the previous though I get a somewhat odd picture in my head where the doll is concerned (I envision it as a giant Cake-man, which I know and hope is inaccurate :P) - this idea is like the first rather original, and I've not seen anything like it on this site before and I'd personally never thought of something like that.

Rating 8/10

Overall
You write good, and your article is certainly impressive its nice that you've used so much time on his appearance, personality and Zanpakuto - but, and I never thought I'd need to say this, you should probably expand more on his general abilities too :)

45/60 - Good work :)