Bleach Abridged: Chapter 3: Something German, Something German, More German

Setting: First Division Barracks

The head of the masked man standing there took a look around the barracks of the Captain-Commander. "This room was rather simple to break in, despite it belonging to the Commander."

Yamamoto grumbled softly, not saying anything of actual merit as his eyes remained shut.

"Yes, well. As I was saying, we meet at last, Yamamoto Genryūsai. We are here-"

"CHŌJIRŌ! WE HAVE COMPANY! BRING OUT THE TEA AND SNICKERDOODLES!"

Suddenly, a massive lance-like weapon burst through the wall, carrying with it the bloodied and defeated Lieutenant, Chōjirō Sasakibe. He laid there on the ground, blood dripping like rain onto the office floor, gasping for air.

"There you are. Where's the tea?" Yamamoto requested.

Chōjirō's eyes went limp as he struggled to reach out.

"Where's my tea, motherfucker?" Yamamoto asked again.

Chōjirō, again, remained silent in his half-dead state.

Yamamoto shook his head. "My assistant is sleeping on the job again, no tea sadly. I'd get it myself, but I'm an old man. Shame on you for wanting an old man to fetch you tea, you rotten kids! Haven't your parents taught you anything about respecting your elders?!"

"Yamamoto Genryūsai, I implore you to-!" the masked man uttered.

The elder Captain-Commander breathed in and then spat at the masked man's face.

"..." The masked man stared silently. "In five days, we are going to fuck you up. And your Soul Society. Get the lube ready, because we'll be coming in dry."

The group then disappeared without a trace.

"Oh Ricky, leaving without saying goodbye to his grandpapa." Yamamoto then looked over to the dying Lieutenant of his. "Chōjirō, mop that floor up. I'm an old man walking around with a staff, I ain't about to slip and break my hips because you're too busy with your modern rock music and your drooping jeans to care about other people. I ain't even got no life support." he spoke, strolling away as Chōjirō kept gasping for air, before eventually passing out and dying.

Setting: Wandenreich Castle

The masked man from before removed his cloak, revealing himself to be an Arrancar known as Luders Friegen. "That rotten old man, he spit in my fucking face! Who spits in the face of someone declaring war on them?!" he raged as he walked down a pathway, before spotting Ivan.

A burned Ivan from earlier sat on his knees, facing an unknown figure in the shadows.

"Hoping to give me head, Ivan? I'd appreciate it but I haven't showered." mused Luders.

"Why you...!" Ivan growled.

Luders' arm was then shot clean off, as if out of nowhere, by the individual sitting in the shadows. It was the Quincy King, Yhwach, sitting in his throne.

"If anybody is going to receive head around here, it's me. Don't worry, I left your right arm in tact, I know it's your favorite to use." Yhwach mused.

Luders fell to the ground, bleeding out of his open wound, coughing up blood as a result.

Yhwach clenched his fingers together, staring at the injured Arrancar. "Violence does not interest me. So you'd better have something that does interest me. Otherwise I'll have to bore myself on my own terms." he explained, pointing his finger at Luders.

"I-" Luders tried to breathe and speak.

"Oh sorry, too late. Unlike my erections under Spirit Viagra, my patience don't last for an eight to twelve hour window." he stated, blowing Luders up with a strange arrow.

Yhwach then looked over at Ivan. "You did rather well, fending off Kurosaki Ichigo for as long as you did. You get a medal, my friend." Another arrow of light shot from his fingers, blowing Ivan to smithereens. "Oh my mistake, that was my pimp hand, not my rewarding hand, I should really keep better track of them." he mused, before rising from his throne, which transformed into a strange set of steps expanding upwards toward a door.

He walked up the steps, to where an Arrancar named Harribel was chained up, her head facing downwards. "Killing subordinates without reason always gets me frisky. Heshy, fetch me the Spirit Viagra!"

END