Thread:Mangetsu20/@comment-4280197-20140202041157/@comment-4326112-20140202070625

It hurt to read your article, not gonna lie -rubs eyes-

Do you honestly want me to tell you what's wrong with your article? Well, here it is:

1 - You invent a "Royal Family" when there's only Noble Families in the Seireitei, a fixed number I might add. You could have named one specifically as a Noble House and how their influence dictated the Soul Society's standards and produced some form of benefit that made them influential. Other than that, having him be part of a "Royal Family" is kind've a copycat gesture to the Kawahiru idea that my Admin and Co-User Seireitou did. Just a bit miffed about that, but there's more.

2 - Your grammar is kind've...eh, bad. Normally I try not to pick on people's grammatical skill, as not everyone is college or High School Graduate learned who joins the Wiki. But there's a finite amount of tolerance I can take before I feel like my eyes start to bleed when reading badly written Articles. If you could possibly find a way to better edit your article, I'd feel more inclined to take it seriously.

3 - Having Seke interact with a plethora of Canon characters feels a bit too convienant. Sure, its cool that an Original Character is integrated into the Fanbased world from Bleach, but they don't need to be known OR know EVERYBODY in the Canon world. If you plan on having this guy be an Elite Captain figure among the Seireitei's auspicious ranked citizens, make him at least believable in that he hasn't had contact with every known character.

4 - Being trained underneath EVERY Captain in EVERY Division that's most notorious or widely known as powerful IS too convienant. It feels almost hax how you manipulated it so that he could learn a vast number of skills (we'll get to that) and have the means to know all these traits and attain all of these feats of inhuman power. That has to go. No Soul Reaper transfers THIS much and can handle it feasibly even if were possible

5 - Balance of power isn't really...there...for this character. I know its cool to have a strong character, but I've read a Fanfic about a OC who really isn't that strong and doesn't really get much stronger just fine without tampering with the balance of the Canon Characters. Having him be "Above the level of Captain" is kind've saying that all Canon Captains are beneath this guy, making me believe that you just want them all to be below your character and everyone treat him like they treat Ichigo Kurosaki.

Not saying you have to make weak characters, but sometimes its best to start fresh with a Lieutenant-class character at best and work your way up. It never hurts to have weak characters build up to strong levels, that way we can appreciate their development to such heights, no?

6 - Vast Array of Abilities? Yeah, THIS kind of vastness isn't the kind I like. First off, I don't like this "Genocide Mode" that you give him. Unlimited Spiritual Energy and Enhanced Attributes? This feels like a Hax, no question about it, and kind've gives him a way out of nearly every situation that could lead to possible fatality or defeat. Its like you personally don't want this guy to die, no matter what. Plot Armor much?

7 - Copying Canon abilities and pasting them onto this character is a low blow. Its the oldest trick in the market for amateur and juvenile users to make around here. You can't simply learn a technique that is purely INBRED to Isshin Shiba and Ichigo Kurosaki's Zanpakutous and say they "Learned It". Also, Sui-Feng was a personal bodyguard, attendant, AND disciple underneath Yoruichi Shihouin. Using her teachinges, she created a Kidou she didn't even know the name of. Seke should not be aware of this technique at all, unless he's been in deep with the Stealth Force's teachings, which is also another major Hax to add to your stockpile of abilities.

8 - Your Zanpakutou is basically a Zangetsu Copycat, with no real imagination to it. Its Bankai is even less impressive, as it just creates a dome of shadows (as you described) like Kaname Tousen's Bankai, but just as a dome with nothing really impressive about it.

9 - Hollowfication? HOLLOWFICATION?! Do I need to explain why this is bad?! Its such a convoluted idea. Please get rid of this first and foremost among of all the other things I've stated.

I'm sure there are more things needing to be stated, but I am tired and its late where I'm at. I hope this helps you fix this article and endeavors you to make better and fresher articles than the ones you've been trying to create. Goodnight~