User blog comment:BraveHeart70/Gekkō Kirameki: His Death, Resurrection and Critique/@comment-18812574-20150604052826

Yossu! Since I seem to be the only one on here anymore (*COUGH COUGH COUGH*) I suppose I will be the first in tossing my hat into the ring to review. (You know, over on NF, they just started a character review board on the forum, which I find to be an excellent idea, but, rather off topic...)

Okay, well first off, I really do like the way you've decided to go with Gekkou. I see you've taken N's advice to heart, and this is good I suppose. I also find it intensely interesting that you have decided to make him a Master of Kidou. N really has rubbed off on you, hah hah hah.

Now, on to the personality section, since that seems to be what you wanted commented on most. (Read: the only section that has any amount of content on it yet, hah hah.) First off, I am not really sure why you have decided to include Senna and Nozomi in your character's history. This really stuck out to me as sort of a glaring point of "I'm gonna make this guy be like Ichigo," (who was sort of a "brother"/possible love interest to both of those characters in the series.) This is just my very first impression, so please don't take it the wrong way, but I have no idea why they are there at all. What purpose do they serve? DO they have a purpose? Is the purpose anything besides Gekkou being a "brother figure" to them? If the answer is "no" to any or all of those questions, might I suggest reconsidering adding them at all? Not only that, but both gals were essentially filler, which having Gekkou interact with them sort of makes him seem filler-ish, just saying. I have done this in the past before and regretted it, so it's just a note of caution here. Is Gekkou a filler-ranked character? Of course he's not!!! So therefore, I'd just advice you take a closer look on the exact reason WHY, like really, want to have these two be a part of his backstory. (Not to mention that the backstories of those two characters have been altered to fit with Gekkou's timeline, which is of course possible in fanon but still. Senna was born in the void/Valley of Screams in the dangai, the fusion of hundreds of souls. Nozomi was a mod-soul that's only been around for a hundred years or so (I just re-watched the filler, trust me on that) who's been in hiding (as far as we can tell) from the shinigami/Kageroza). If you have a great, amazing, perfect, story-fitting reason that will blow all our minds with its awesomeness, then all power to you. But if not, they seem kind of random/thrown in like pepper seasoning a steak. (It's late, my analogies are falling apart I know... *ahem*)

But on to more important means...

So, this guy seems to be a fine dichotomy of pacifism and vengeance. When I was reading it, I was sort of getting the uneasy feeling that you are paralleling Hiroya Ginkarei a little too closely, as he is also a kidou master and a pacifist. However, it seems to me that Gekkou's true nature is that of the "righteous avenger", and so for that I believe they are significantly different to where this is not an issue. However, I would reccomend stressing this difference even more, because otherwise it may seem like you are copying or at least chasing Hiroya's tail, which I know is not the case. Here is a suggestion: Make the pacifism a completely superficial trait. He may be "gentle," sure, he may act like he doesn't want to get into a fight, but that's all just a mask he puts on to hide that dangerously zealous desire for justice, and justice at any cost. That would be what I might do, but it's up to you. If that were the case though, I think that could add another layer to his character, and perhaps create a more interesting dynamic. Instead of being conflicted about the violent means he uses to subdue his enemies (which he doesn't anyway, but as an example) he could just be deceptive, let's say. And if he's being deceptive, then we have to ask the question, WHY is he being like that?

And that brings me to my final, and probably most important point. While you've done a great job so far with his personality, it still seems lacking. As if, there should be something more there. At first I couldn't really place it, but after giving it some thought I realized that impression of mine may have been due to two things. First, while you tell us a lot about how he acts and thinks and such, you don't really tell us why. WHY does he want to protect all Rukongai citizens? What's up with the altruism? Why the inherent humility? Not only could you go into more detail with this, but don't be afraid to incorporate elements of his backstory as well when talking about his character. I mean, the way we think and behave as people is based on the way our soul works. Meaning our mentality, emotions, pyschology, intelligence, experiences, etc. etc. etc. It's the nature vs. nuture thing. So, no man is an island (to hash the quote), and thus characters should not be treated as such. You've hinted at a few things here and there in his personality, but personally I think you could have included more. An idealistic kidou corps commander vigilante? Sounds interesting, but WHY is he the way he is? Why, why, why, why, why? This is why I felt that it was incomplete: it was because that "why" had not been answered, or at least given a very good hint to.

The other side to that there is, I would caution you as far as the "committed to protecting the weak" aspect and such goes. It seems to work so far, and you have hinted (although not a great hint, might I say, *ahem*) at his "darker" side, but haven't really shown us any of his flaws. As such, aside from the out-of-hand vengeance thing, he seems a little too perfect as a character. Selfless, gentle characters like this are difficult to write, I will say that right here. Realism must be preserved, and at the same time, if that's their character then they need to stick to that. But I might suggest adding more flaws, or at least a more major sort of flaw, or something along those lines. My most ready example would be, of course, Retsu Unohana. Sure she seemed like a nice (more than slightly creepy) pacifistic lady and all, but look at the secret she was hiding. That is in the "major flaw" category. One of the more interesting minor flaws I can think of from Bleach was Hisagi's fear of his own Zanpakutou. It's things like this that can serve to round out a character and make them seem deeper or more real. What matters is that it fits their soul (^^^) and serves to deepen their personality as a whole. So that's the only thing I'll say on that. Flaws create conflict. And conflict is always, always beneficial in-story.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Sorry for the word dump there, heh heh.