Talk:Kiba Kasamui

Review
With the ownership banner from multiple authors placed on this article, it is unclear whose original work it is. Therefore, all references to an author will represent both users whose ownership is implied.

In the description, the author has made multiple small errors that can easily affect the comprehension of the appearance that is attempted to be conveyed. It is suggested the author refrain from referring to objects as it, which can increase ambiguity and/or the flow of reading. Redundancy in reference to the overuse of he(the character) minimally affects the reading, although it is heavily suggested the author revise these references to include the character's name in variation. "What is also peculiar ... resembling a sleeveless trenchcoat" It is advised that the author revise this sentence for verb agreement.

This character's personality contradicts itself:

"Upon being promoted to Captain of Squad 11, he takes on a responsible personality..."

"To his friends he expects them to be tough and fend for themselves and to never aid him in combat, as he risks cutting them down as well."

Unless the description is written assuming this character undergoes a personality shift during battle, these two traits conflict.

It is noted that this character's personality traits have parallels with a canon character. This is not an entirely negative aspect of writing, but it is advised that the author should be cautious of matching a large number of traits between characters.

The history of this character is too short to be effectively commented on.

PipeCleaner345 01:49, April 8, 2010 (UTC)