Talk:Phantasmagoria: The Struggle

Review
I like how you didn't get too detailed in your writing, but I also felt you limited yourself in that regard. It's difficult to reach the climax with intensity without a detailed component in there every now and then. Once you engage your audience, don't back off to give the full picture: rely on your descriptions to let the reader draw the picture for you. I say this because the last paragraph caused the pace to sputter and lost a large bit of your excitement. It is a good start, though. --れび (talk to Lavi!) 18:29, October 28, 2010 (UTC)