Talk:Luna Nacido

Review
This character, unlike many others, does not have any true flaws. Their purpose is solid, albeit cliché.

The character's design is a good attempt at a mysterious essence, but it ultimately fails to capture it's intended idea. It is suggested that the author add more personalized pieces of attire or gear to the character's design to give the character a well-worn and experienced feel.

There are discrepancies in the character's history pertaining to basic canon wisdom. The Soul Society does not endorse travel to Hueco Mundo, either for business or any other reason, and thus there would be no "legal" reason for the character to be in Hueco Mundo. Furthermore, if there were an exception to the above stated un-written rule, then the squad which the character was a part of would certainly not travel to hueco mundo without an assistant-captain, if not a captain.

In respect to the character's abilities: the character's zanpakuto allows them to "create a very fast cero". It is unclear as to what the author's intended reasoning behind this. Is it implying that the cero itself is a rapid-fire technique? Is the cero's beam faster than an average cero?

In terms of supplementing a story, a character whose stats are maxxed out is a welcome addition for any plot that does not involve other writer's characters. As this is a roleplaying community, if this character is to interact with another author's work, it is advised that the character is balanced out. Since time is a constant variable in any universe, training is a limited resource and as such there is no theoretical method of keeping a completely balanced training schedule.

Grammar & Comprehension
In respect to grammar and comprehension, there is a good amount of faults:

First, regarding the introduction paragraph, “Luna is once a shinigami that has been turned into a hollow, then reverted back to being a shinigami, therefore, she is considered to be an Arrancar.”, the body of the paragraph is confusing at best. it is a necessary idea to stress that she was originally a shinigami and went through two separate transformations, but this is suggested to be placed in the history section.

Secondly, a redundancy was found in the article, this being the word she. Let’s hope that you could use some more descriptive words when addressing Luna. If you were talking about her hollowfication, a good phrase to use would be ‘This newly-made hollow...’, etc.

“It was then revealed to her by a person... who later turned out to be dead, and was fed to the hollow”-- Please make this sentence a proper paragraph by adding periods at appropriate spaces.

“She took the name Luna Nacido, which means Born from the Moon, meaning she was reborn in Hueco Mundo.” This sentence is controversial in itself. If Luna Nacido means Born from the Moon, it can’t literally mean something else. It could be implied, or hinting it, but it can’t have two definitions of the exact same phrase.

“Even though she really do not know that she is not an Arrancar,” double negative say ‘’what’’?

PipeCleaner345 02:32, April 3, 2010 (UTC)