Thread:Bismarck-Chan/@comment-11293505-20160619221716

So, from what I can say so far you've nailed down most of the things required by the MoS, but then again I haven't read it religiously so I might be wrong here (let's hope not!).

Right off the bat, you don't need to mention your sword or it's abilities already in the introduction paragraph--save it for the powers&abilities-section instead, and instead simply write the epiphets very shortly why she has gained them. It makes it all a lot easier for everyone to read when they're looking at your character for the first time. Also, have someone check over your grammar, I've seen more than a few spelling mistakes as I've read the article through.

As for appearance then you need to throw in some more than just what you have right now. How is her body built, is it lean, super muscled or maybe on the pudgy side? WHat are her facial features, are her eyebrows sharply defined, does she have any disfigurements or small scars somewhere visible? You also need to explain WHY Momo doesn't wear the standard shihakusho and instead wears a fancy kimono. Not only are kimonos heavy as fuck, but they're not also not really the best clothing to run or generally fight in. They're mostly designed to be pretty (side note: the belt around a kimono is called an obi, I wasn't sure if you knew that). Again, here you don't need to explain anything about the zanpakuto. Keep it all for the section I mentioned in the paragraph above.

Your personality section is the same as with the appearance. YOU NEED TO FLESH IT OUT MORE! I say this in the most positive way I can, because I've been where you are right now with your character, and I know how infuriating it can be to fill out more which you think may already be complete. Shonen has a pretty good blog about humanizing your character, you should check it out for some tips and tricks.

Now, your history section is, from what I can see, a bit of a mess. You need to clean it up some more and add extra information as to how, when and why things might have turned out the way they did. The History Section and the Personality Section are pretty much tied together. You can't do one thing in the first section without it affecting the other.

Other than that I can't see any places when you might slip up, although you still need to write all the abilities and powers down, of course. I wish you good luck with Momo! 