Bleach Fan Fiction Wiki talk:Right to Powerful Characters Qualification Exam

Note: As I am the first to post my character for consideration by the committee, please use my application below as an example for how you should present your character for the committee to review. Since all applications must be responded first and foremost by me, as I will use that chance to tell you which committee members will be the ones reviewing your character (since we may or may not need to replace and/or add back-ups to the committee), and from there, the committee can then begin grading your characters. Despite the exam's rules not starting until Friday, you are allowed to submit your character early if it is ready. Please remember... to sign all of your posts! --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 05:15, March 6, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou
Iyori Mochizuki --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 05:15, March 6, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Nisshou, User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Blankslate, User:Zf6hellion, and User:Prodigy X

User:Nisshou's Assessment:
 * Appearance: Pretty straight forward and even though it is brief, it captures the image of the the character and shows his character.
 * Points 8/10


 * Personality: Extremely detailed and allows me to see deeper into the character as a whole and grow to like and respect him. He is a well put together character and has many facets of his persona which I enjoyed reading about.
 * Points 25/25


 * History His History is to the point and fills the reader with some canonical elements as well as showing both where the character's personality traits stem from as well as some of the authors own quirks, blending the two together and creating a character with depth that is very believable. However the length is questionable and I feel it could be expanded more, specifically his time in Shinou as well as his time in the rukongai possibly.
 * Points 25/30


 * Powers & Abilities: For a character of his rank, his Powers and abilities are on the level and are well detailed. This shows the overall skill-set as well as where the character can grow to become stronger. I feel as though the author has given all the proper points which address where his strengths and weaknesses lie.
 * Points 20/20


 * Grammer: As always, the author has a masterful usage of the language and I have discovered no errors in his diction.
 * Points 15/15

Total Points 93/100

--The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 01:18, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus's Assessment: ​Total Points 91/100
 * Appearance: No real problems here—despite its length, it is easily understood while remaining relevant to the subject.
 * Points 9/10
 * Personality: An impressively thorough description of the character's personality that, again, remains true to the topic. I especially like that the writer also took the time to detail the character's hobbies. This is brilliant—no complaints here.
 * ​Points 25/25
 * ​History: A rather standard history (in this case, this is understandable) with a relatively impressive length and depth. It is noticeably straightforward.
 * ​Points 23/30
 * ​Powers & Abilities: This is what I found especially impressive—despite depicting a relatively weak character, the descriptions of his abilities are deceptively thorough. I have no complaints here.
 * ​Points 20/20
 * ​Grammar: Thankfully, there is nothing seriously wrong in this regard, but there is one small problem (a very common error, so I'll only subtract one point from the score)—there is actually a difference in the usage of "who" and "whom," which is that "whom" is considered the objective form of "who." To provide clarity, here are a few examples: The owner of the mansion was Wilson, who was a creative writer whom Jack admired."; "Who are you? By the way, whom did the king execute?"; "A horse, whom Chris let loose, kicked the shack of John, who was especially furious."
 * ​Points 14/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 03:12, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment: Total Points 92/100
 * Appearance: No real issues with the description itself, it describes the character's appearance well enough though it could perhaps go into more detail about his facial features, the shape of his eyes, length of his nose, the structure of his jaw and all that kind of thing. The image in the infobox also feels a bit flawed, the character in that image has very light blonde hair and not near enough the length in the bangs to hide either eye putting it at odds with the description and the other presented image.
 * Points 8/10
 * Personality: Extremely indepth and very well detailed. It goes about the various traits that make Iyori who he is whilst also explaining their establishment which is a very nice touch. It goes out of its way to integrate who he is amongst the Canon without negatively impacting the characters themselves, Iyori takes influence without forcing some new traits onto his counterparts which is a nice pitfall to see avoided.
 * Points 25/25
 * History: The history is well done, though it feels like it may have been rushed to its conclusion on the last paragraph. The early portions are a slight more detailed on Iyori whilst his time in the Shinō Academy is brushed over quite quickly, there is also little mention of his attainment of his Shikai, the moments where he first connected with his Zanpakutō which would have been nice to read about.
 * Points 24/30
 * Powers & Abilities: Extremely indepth and with little to nothing in the way of bloating, the section paints a very clear picture of Iyori's current skills and abilities as well as his potential for growth, and not just in the areas it makes clear he is actively improving in.
 * Points 20/20
 * Grammar: I didn't find anything to take issue with aside from a missing word here or there or a word on top of another that describes the same thing, very minor things that are easy to disregard, I don't feel it requires removal of a point though, just felt it should be noted.
 * Points 15/15

Zf6hellion (talk) 19:33, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

PITZWIL100
Sora UkitakePITZWIL100 (talk) 09:05, March 10, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Blankslate

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: A fairly descriptive section. You don't need to repeat her height and weight, that's what the infobox is for, but otherwise, I have no complaints about this section.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: Okay, I have to point this out as a starter, though this is more of a writing flaw than a problem with the character. You keep saying "absolutely loved". Its used in three sentences that are back-to-back-to-back, all describing training with her sister. We get it. She loved it. One sentence can list all three examples and then you wouldn't have to repeat it all the time. I don't understand this sentence: "Being the youngest of eight siblings never introduced her to sibling rivalry or sibling bullying either, which she was extatic about." First of all, being the youngest of a large number of siblings doesn't mean that you have no rivalries with the others, and why would she be ecstatic (the proper way to spell that word) about that? Not all sibling rivalries are bad. Also, you state that she fell in love with Ikkaku because their personalities were similar, but I've read this whole section and, I'll be honest, they're nothing alike. Like, at all. Thirdly, why are you mentioning the progress of her Bankai training in her personality section? It really doesn't belong there. Overall, this section is riddled with inconsistencies, bad grammar, and is just confusing.
 * Points: 5/25


 * History: The picture that says "Hinata in the Shinō Academy"? Might want to change that to Sora. Honest mistake, but my OCD won't let me not mention that. Other than that, and the obvious occasional grammatical error, I didn't really have a problem with this section... until "she instantly fell in love with him". Don't do that. I know its done to the death in fiction, but nobody, and I mean nobody, "instantly falls in love" with someone. Develop infatuation? Yes. But "love" suggests she knows him on a personal enough level to love him, and in the same sentence you mention that, initially, she didn't like him.
 * Points: 16/25


 * Powers & Abilities: How is she a highly notable division member? I read her bio and I can't find it. Oh well, that's nitpicking. On to the meat! No. I'm going to stop you right here. The object of this exam is to create a character with the average power of a 4th Seat. Can 4th Seat's have unusually large Spiritual Energy? Absolutely, but the purposes of this test demand one who isn't. This is a big blow to you, because, you insist that you refuse to write weak characters, which is exactly what you need to do to pass this portion. Nevertheless, I'll continue. Being masochistic does not equate to having great power. So why you would state that "even with her masochistic personality" she was "unable to use her massive spiritual power" is beyond me. Also, an 11th Division member wouldn't use Kidō. In their division, such things are regarded with ridicule, and if she is such a "notable" member, then she would know that and avoid spells like the plague. Yes you make her bad at it, but the point is, the 11th Division doesn't use it. At all.
 * Points: 5/20


 * Grammar: While the grammar on this article isn't terrible, as far as spelling and punctuation go, the sentence structure is atrocious. Try not to have three sentences back to back saying the same thing in a different way. Its distracting and is detrimental to how the article reads.
 * Points: 3/15

Total Points: 38  Ten Tailed Fox  02:08, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Somnium Fluxus's Assessment:


 * Appearance: One immediate (albeit small) problem with this section is that the character's height and weight are given, which is rather redundant. The character's description is incomplete in some areas, such as her casual attire. Another problem is, in my personal opinion, the author's use of subjective terms (e.g. beautiful) when describing the character; a neutral point of view would have been preferred. The section is somewhat decent otherwise.
 * Points: 6/10


 * Personality: The majority of this section dedicates itself to describing the character's personal relationships, rather than using those relationships as a map to deduce the character's true personality, which is left vaguely explained as a consequence. The section occasionally goes off-topic by describing other characters' thoughts, and it is cluttered with anecdotes that would better fit in other sections.
 * Points: 14/25


 * History: This is where I was especially disappointed. Again, the section is littered with unnecessary details and anecdotes that would be far more suitable in other sections—in fact, the majority of this section simply describes the character's personal relationships. There should be no need bluntly say what effects past events have had on the character's personality in this section. I also noticed that the author copy-pasted a sentence or two from the personality section. As for the character's history itself, it is rather uninspired and clichèd, but I won't deduct any points for that reason.
 * Points: 9/20


 * Powers & Abilities: As with the History section before it, this section is cluttered (to a less extent) and has copy-pasted sentences. The subsections could use more cohesive description. Some of the character's abilities lack creativity; the character's Shikai is particularly unimaginative. This section is decent, but uninspired.
 * Points: 22/30


 * Grammar: If I haven't already made this obvious, this article as a whole suffers from unnecessary, incomplete, and poorly constructed sentences. There are quite a few misspellings (I will not deduct any points for that), making me question if the author proofread the article.
 * Points: 9/15

Total Points: 60/100

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 02:28, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Nisshou's Assessment: --The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 15:50, March 11, 2014 (UTC)
 * Appearance: Fairly basic, but the height and weight figures in the section are distracting. It gives a pretty general explanation so I have no real complaints.
 * Points: 9/10
 * Personality: You mention she hates Ukitake, but dont explain why. That coupled by the jumping around and spelling errors cause a disconnect in the structure and flow which hinder its readability.
 * Points: 18/25
 * History: Very Cliche, and fairly basic. You don't explain how she falls in love nor do you explain what she admires about Ikkaku. The sections seem disjointed and don't offer any real incite into her actual history, and I see no real sequence of events.
 * Points: 10/20
 * Powers and Abilities: Sections are too brief and offer no incite on her actual skill in the individual areas let alone the connections between them. Also she lies outside of the norm for an 11th Division member as she has skill in Kidou, which would be looked down upon by everyone in the division as it is the "combat division" as started by Zaraki. This along with her short explanation of Hand to Hand combat (and detailing techniques doesn't count to show her actual skill.) Also it seems odd that her shikai grants her "enhanced Reiatsu, and Zanjutsu" and it appears unnatural to me.
 * Points: 20/30
 * Grammar: Several spelling errors and lack of proper sentence structure.
 * Points 8/15
 * Total Points: 65/100

PITZWIL100: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until March 18, 2014, next Tuesday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:12, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Skinnyberry9
Shiroi Senkō   I love PANCAKEZ 17:55, March 10, 2014 (UTC)   17:53PM, March 10, 2014


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Blankslate

User:Somnium Fluxus's Assessment: Total Points 70/100
 * Appearance:  The descriptions of the character's attire and physical appearance are rather vague and evidently rushed, but nothing truly painful to read.
 * Points 7/10
 * Personality: This section rather decently describes the character, although it isn't truly exceptional in this regard; one problem, however, is that the author completely neglected to thoroughly explain how the character's relationships have altered his personality.
 * Points 18/25
 * History:  The character's history is vague, contrived, and, at some points, rather nonsensical. Overall, this section seems almost rushed and disjointed from the rest of the article.
 * Points 10/20
 * Powers & Abilities:  I do always enjoy a touch of originality, and this section manages to accomplish that quite well (assuming, of course, the character's techniques were not borrowed from an anime I have no knowledge of). I would have preferred a little more description in some areas, but this section still manages to be decent regardless.
 * Points 24/30
 * Grammar: One prominent issue in this regard is that the author uses past and present tense interchangeably (specifically in the History section, which should only use past tense up to recent events). Some sentences are poorly constructed. Another issue is the misuse of “whom,” but since I've already described that error in detail, I'll leave it at that.
 * Points 11/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 18:46, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: The attire description is fairly basic. While characters don't always remain in the same clothing, its generally a good idea to give a detailed description of the attire they are generally seen wearing. Also, because I'm a grammar Nazi, I have to point this out: "Shinigami" should always be capitalized, as should "Division", as it is part of the name of the division, and not just a description. All in all, not a particularly bad description, but the grammar and punctuation need improvement and more detail needs to be given to his specific outfit(s).
 * Points: 4/10


 * Personality: I like the personality section. You get a general idea of what the character is like, but I have a few things to point out: He acts normal while in the Human World, but suddenly becomes insanely angry around Hollows and Arrancar. That's fine, but, you should've gone into why that is. Sometimes the "why's" give us a much better picture of the reasons behind why a character is the way they are.
 * Points: 16/25


 * History: Okay, I have to say something here as well. If your character's childhood is a mystery, that's fine, but don't state that and then go into a big, long description of what their childhood is like. If its a mystery, its a mystery. As long as what is known about them is explained decently, I don't care how long the section is, but I've seen to many of these characters that have, "Their past is a mystery", and then launch into four paragraphs on that past. /rant Other than that, its a fairly basic history, which tries a bit too hard to stay with the plot of the canon Bleach. I totally don't mind characters that are tied into the canon, but make the writing more about them, rather than what they were doing in relation to what the canon characters are doing.
 * Points: 7/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Now this section I particularly loved. Lots of originality here, fairly good descriptions of his known techniques, and it covers a lot of ground. My only suggestion is that, if you're going to design a style of combat that you're character invented, it doesn't need to be so vague. "Only used to kill in the most extreme circumstances" could be referring to a deadly karate chop for all the reader knows, so you really need to work on exactly what the style does, and how it accomplishes that.
 * Points: 27/30


 * Grammar: As I said in my first bullet, I'm a huge grammar Nazi. That being said, this article is riddled with misspelling, punctuation errors, and tense changes that are abrupt and rather distracting. On that last point (tense changes), I'm not going to really penalize you, because I've just started writing stories in first person, present-tense (I'm used to third person, past tense), so I realize how quickly you can get confused between which to use and not even realize it until later. I don't penalize people for things I myself make mistakes on. But, as a fellow author, I feel I should at least point it out for your improvement's sake.
 * Points: 8/15

Total Points: 56/100  Ten Tailed Fox  20:47, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment
 * Appearance: Now, while the appearance section is rather brief and lacking, it is hardly the beef of an article. This doesn't mean it should be disregarded, by any means, but roughly it's hardly so important in the matter of this exam's proceedings. A better sense of transition would be good though, as it seems the description of his appearance and clothing seems to fly all over the place.
 * Points: 8/10 -2-10-10


 * Personality: Transition is another issue here as well. But most specifically, the issue here would be that there's too much focus on "relationships" with female officers. There's Momo, then Rukia, then Soifon, most of, if not all, seemingly goes against the nature of these characters has the canon has depicted of them. My advice would be to go back and work on showing more about his personality in regards to his views on morality. You have him listed as a "moral citizen", but you pretty much skip any explanation on what this means and what exactly makes him a moral citizen. This section reads more like a list of traits rather than a view on the character's persona and psyche, like a good personality section should be.
 * Points: 20/25


 * History: Transition, once again, becomes a lacking issue here. There's far too little description on how Shiroi formed these pacts with Urahara or Harribel, among others. Some areas present pointless facts as well, such as his relationship with a girl named Kin Sora, which isn't even mentioned once in the personality section. It's actually quite difficult to follow along in some areas, as the transition (as I mentioned before) is severely lacking and doesn't show what led to what, or how one event occurred, or if past events have had an effect on future and present events; nothing.
 * Points: 12/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Now, here, things seem to make a bit more sense. I do like how you've taken it upon yourself to separate things into different sections and how you've properly categorized his abilities and techniques out. The formatting is also quite well-done. However, the main issue is that his article's powers section reads too much like a general guide to the style rather than what he himself does with it. Especially regarding the Harurootasu style, there's too much about theory and what its general application is, rather than how Shiroi personally uses it. Additionally, how he developed it, how he trained to learn it, and what weaknesses and flaws he personally has with it.
 * Points: 25/30


 * Grammar: Seriously the biggest issue with this article. Lack of proper punctuation, nearly everywhere, and while there are misspellings here and there, it isn't hugely prominent.
 * Points: 13/15

Total Points: 78/100

--Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:51, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Skinnyberry9: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until March 17, 2014, next Monday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:55, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Shiroi Senkō I love PANCAKEZ 19:15, March 20, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Zf6hellion, and User:Blankslate

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment: Total Points: 80/100
 * Appearance: This section seems a bit incomplete as it does little to describe the character's hair and facial features. Aside from this, the section somewhat does a decent job at describing the character's general attire, so I'll be lenient.
 * Points: 7/10
 * Personality: Unfortunately, this section has only been marginally improved from my perspective; but now it reads too much like a History section. To add to everything I said in my previous review of this section, I would advise the author to focus less on describing the character's life-changing experiences and more on exactly what makes the character behaves a certain way and how they exhibit this behavior. The character's personality is not being clearly conveyed here; for example, while the author simply describes how a Hollow greatly enrages the character, are we to assume, from the description of events given, this change of demeanor only occurs whenever the character's parents are ill-mentioned, or does this simply make the character impulsive? As I said previously, this section has somewhat improved, so I'll raise the score.
 * ​Points: 20/25
 * History: While this section is, thankfully, not nearly as bad as it was previously, I still find that the character's history is incomplete and lacks believability; I find it particularly hard to believe that he would be allowed to simply take Yamamoto's Zanpakutō for no significant reason, for example.
 * ​Points: 15/20
 * Powers & Abilities: I have nothing new to say about this section, except that I believe the author could have provided more examples of how the character employs his innate abilities. While I cannot notice any significant changes, I do think my previous score was slightly too low.
 * ​Points: 27/30
 * Grammar: Every problem I pointed out previously is still present, but I forgot to inform that there is a difference in the usage of “it's” and “its”—“it's” is a contraction of “it is,” while “its” is a possessive pronoun.
 * ​Points: 11/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 14:18, March 27, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:

Total Points: 45/100
 * Appearance: There is no description of what he looks like, the first paragraph could be literally summed up as "abs". He has a face, he has hair, he has eyes. Describe these things, at current the image I'm presented with is a headless body builder in a suit, this doesn't seem particularly correct. The details on his clothing is light but it does a better job of presenting an image of what he would wear than his complete lack of facial detail, so that's a plus.
 * Points: 6/10
 * Personality: That quote at the start sounds rather untruthful for a character who ranks about as high as 5th Seat Shinigami, it can't be speaking about intellectual quality as nothing in his personality indicates that he's any kind of mastermind as opposed to just being emotionally awkward and having anger management issues. The first paragraph doesn't match up with his history, if he's born in the 78th Rukongai then he's unlikely to be in a place polished enough to give him schooling. Also if he's a soul, and born as such, believing in souls makes no sense, everyone around him is just the same, and Hollows are a common threat in Soul Society. If this is supposed to be related to a possible life as a Human, then he was never born in Soul Society and then he'd never know a Hollow killed his parents unless this Hollow was connected to the family before its transformation and also considered him a target. The first three paragraphs don't cover much of an actual personality, aside from the contradictions with his history. Detailing the hobbies is always a nice touch, but why does he enjoy these things? A lot of people don't take on drinking as a hobby unless its sampling / wine tasting kinda things. If you drink frequently enough to consider it a hobby, there's usually deep emotional issues your trying to shy away from, if not, then it still requires answering the question as to why he enjoys it. The same with food, everyone enjoys food, but what makes it a hobby for him? Is he a chef, does he have a dream of dining within every culture in his life time? The reading bit is a tad redundant at first (Its a hobby, its his forte).
 * ​Points: 17/25
 * History: The history is short, and feels kind of forced, its linked into the canon storyline, but done in such a way as to grip at every possible connection that he can for no real reason. He doesn't associate with Renji, so why does it matter that he left the Academy two years before him? Pretty much all of the Captains didn't notice Aizen was up to something, so why would Shiroi? Momo didn't and she's in love with the guy, I'd work under the assumption that being odd or doing things late at night isn't uncommon for dead people, especially considering one of those dead people is a nine foot tall dog. If he suspected something was amiss, wouldn't he do something, like, I dunno, investigating the matter rather than moaning to Momo so they can stop being friends and arguing with Aizen so that the evil mastermind now knows that one of his subordinates doesn't trust him? Its contrived, and kinda daft, but Aizen still promotes him up the ranks, y'know Shinigami can apply to different divisions right? In fact they often move into a different one after they've done some training! Him helping Momo also screws with the canon, which is a downright no-no man. Annnd then he just gets Genryūsai's Zanpakutō. What? The Zanpakutō of a man both feared and respected across the Seireitei, a sword so powerful it could destroy Soul Society. Central 46 killing him under a mountain of parking fines seems more believable. There's not even a reason given as to how he gets it nevermind why its allowed. The Shinigami, especially Ukitake and Kyōraku would not allow him to take Yamamoto's blade.
 * ​Points: 10/20
 * Powers & Abilities: For one, I doubt Hollows make constant excursions into Soul Society, average Hollows have never been shown making the journey, only Gillian, and they would attack infrequently, and in such a number that he'd likely be dead rather than empowered. Its also doubtful that, as a Soul he becomes empowered by the spiritual presence of others, none of the Shinigami are mentioned as becoming stronger as a result of exposure to their Captains, if such was the case, over hundreds of years, everyone in the 1st and 11th Divisions would be insanely tough due to Yamamoto and Zeraki's sheer power. His Kidō skill is described as being high and that he can use "high" level spells, this needs more detail. What is considered a high level spell in this case? There are definite numbers for spells here, 1 through 99, pick an upper limit and describe his skill in the spells that he can master. There's a lot of detail that goes into his Hakuda skills here, and that's great, but a large issue is presented in that it uses Human-like examples and acts in definites, while a skill might break every bone in the Human body, it would not do so if he was punching an Adjuchas-class Hollow, they have so much more spiritual power than he does, as such he'd unlikely to be able to harm anything more than exterior flesh. Try to make the descriptions fit what he's actually fighting, he's not Bruce Lee fighting random mooks that know Kung Fu, he's fighting beings who's entire scale of survivability is defined by the quantity of spiritual power they have and how much they can emit through spiritual pressure.
 * ​Points: 20/30
 * Grammar: There's an issue with picking a tense and sticking to it, with them often changing on the fly which is a tad jarring. Other than that though, it looks fine.
 * ​Points: 12/15

Zf6hellion (talk) 12:46, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Blankslate' Assessment:
 * Appearance: This section is alright, but the inclusion of his history in trying to work himself out isn't needed. You don't need to know part of their backstory in order to get what they look like in your head. 80/100


 * Personality: This section feels too much like a history recap, sort of like the Appearance section, only moreso. Oh yeah, and the quote you have at the top of this page is a bit stretched if you ask me. Like Z said, his personality doesn't indicate at all that he's a tactical genius, especially one of Aizen's caliber. Plus, having canon character say something about your character like that is, well, bloated, in my opinion. It needs to be changed to a fanon character's quote if it's to be taken more seriously. 40/100


 * History: Feels very forced and jumbled in my opinion. The part with Aizen and Momo in particular is a very off-setting sort of plot that conflicts with the canon in a way that makes the whole situation seem kind of laughable. What, Shiroi feels betrayed because Momo wouldn't help him investigate her Captain? There is such a lack of detail here that it makes Shiroi come off as an entitled brat, no offense. There needs to be more detail in how the two of them fell out instead of just saying they fell out. Finally, him getting Yamamoto's blade is absolutely ridiculous. Why, of all people, would Shiroi be allowed to take it? The most powerful of all fire-based Zanpakuto in Soul Society and this dude just gets it, I guess. Seriously? No. 40/100


 * Powers and Abilities: This section is never my proper forte, as different people have different ways of writing powers down for characters. I will say that the picture of his blade doesn't belong where it is. 80/100


 * Grammar: Alright, besides the whole "It's" and "Its" thing. 90/100.


 * Total Points: 50/100

Yeeeeeah! Now it&#39;s a party! (talk) 15:55, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

Skinnyberry9: Third Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until April 18, 2014, next Friday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:35, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Nisshou
Yukine Nagato --The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 13:48, March 11, 2014 (UTC)
 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Zf6hellion, and User:Blankslate

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment
 * Appearance: There is a basic description of the character's clothing and personal features, even offering some small tidbits here and there such as being considered "good-looking" by Rukia and having received a scar from a confrontation with a Hollow. People seem to think the appearance section needs to be some big thing and hugely descriptive, but it really doesn't, the one present on Yukine's article is a perfect length.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Pretty spread out, the transition is done rather well and it gives you a nice insight into Yukine. But that being said, many sections are rather brief and don't go too much into his characteristics and how they interact. For example, in the first paragraph, you mention that he suffers from the "sins of the past", while in the second paragraph, you mention that he is strong-willed. These are two facets of a character's personality that you would typically expect to clash, and you should go into further detail about it; especially when the fourth paragraph mentions that he "grieves". In most common cases, characters depicted as strong-willed often hide these emotions and sadness, which you have mentioned, but when you say he grieves, you should go into greater detail as to how he deals with that pain and in what way he grieves. It seems to be the aspect that makes up a majority of his personality and thus should be further examined.
 * Points: 22/25


 * History: Rather standard, I have no specific complaints about this section, although a good portion of it, if not all of it, seems a bit rushed and should be taken slower to accentuate the aspects of his past that correlate with established personality traits.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: It is a nice change of pace to see someone attempt a Quincy for this examination, which is significantly harder to do given a very loose measuring bar existing for power levels between them and Shinigami. Giving him the elemental power of water is also a nice touch, though this is what I meant earlier. It would've been nice to see some characteristics written in his personality regarding what about him makes water such a good representation. The only real issue I have is that his abilities seem a little all over the place. You mention his water affinity, then his Quincy skills, then Jinki powers, and then the power of flight. It is important to establish a connection between a character's abilities and skills so that they are well-rounded instead of all over the place. Try to focus the character's skills and tie them all together. Additionally, you've taken the time to explain the character's skills quite well, but I see little to nothing about his weaknesses with the skills or what he hopes to improve; especially when it comes to his Quincy skills. Overall though, that is nit-picking and it is still quite well done.
 * Points: 25/30


 * Grammar: I'm not as much of a grammar nazi as some others here, so when I grade this section, I look merely to see if there are any gross misspellings or excessive lacking of punctuation. And quite honestly, I don't see anything wrong that would prompt loss of points.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 89/100 (This includes minus one point from the original score, which was 90/100, due to the fact that the article, at the time of my grading, was missing nearly 150 bytes from the minimum necessary count of 25,000.)

--Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 14:56, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:
 * Appearance: Its a pretty fine section, goes into enough detail about what he looks like, though I'd personally prefer more detail on his facial features myself, I know anime style is all about making faces about as detailed as a clean whiteboard, but even so, its nice to see what goes into making his face unique amongst the million other faces out there, rather than generic attractiveness. That said its good to see that, though he's considered attractive, its presented as a view from another character instead of saying that he is just because.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: There's a lot of weirdness in here, saying he hates Humanity for one incident, that even at his age he should've been able to tell that something larger is going on, a random Human being able to kill his Quincy mother is a tad unusual after all (That, and as a Quincy, wouldn't he sense the Hollow Reiatsu/Reiryoku from within the possessed Human?). Outside of an apprehension to cutting down trees, I don't really see how one has a "kind" relationship with nature, especially one that results in attracting animals to you like a Disney princess. Other than that its not too bad, it moves from piece to piece decently and captures the usual traits of a teenager well enough though it doesn't stand out too well to me, his reclusiveness aside.
 * Points: 17/25


 * History: Nothing to really say here other than the complaints already levied regarding his parents' death and his reaction, from that I'll just echo Sei above that it feels a might rushed and could use a bit more development.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Overall this is pretty well done, it goes into detail regarding a lot of his various skills, but there are a few hiccups here and there that I'll point out. First off is his "Enhanced Durability", which it isn't. He's copying the ability that Hollows have to create a second skin, durability in this case would be the strength of their own body, not the Hierro, for Yukine this would be the same as Kenpachi protecting himself from attacks with his own Reiryoku, so it would be more appropriately placed under his Spiritual Power or Reishi Manipulation sections and with a different name (Reishi Armour, etc.). Second is his "unique" manipulation of Reishi, spirit particles are spirit particles regardless of their source, they make up spiritual bodies but they don't share the same traits if broken down like Reiryoku or Reiatsu would. Quilge for instance, could absorb Ayon by breaking him down into individual Reishi where-as Reiryoku from a Hollow (Or those taking drugs to simulate same) would destroy the soul of a Quincy. So his ability to gather Reishi isn't particularly unique. Lastly, there's a few mentions of his Artificial Zanpakutō but not the object in question itself which causes confusion when parts of the article refer to it and we can't read up on it at all.
 * Points: 24/30


 * Grammar: I couldn't find any issues with the user's grammatical work, there are a few spelling mistakes here and there that should be poked around for and can be noted if requested.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points 83/100

Zf6hellion (talk) 23:19, March 12, 2014 (UTC)

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment


 * Appearance: Nice, basic appearance section. Gives a pretty clear description of the character. I particularly like the albinism. That's not a very common trait of characters these days. I'd steer away from canon characters referring to him as handsome, but since you don't make it too big a deal, with only one mention that I'm seeing, I suppose its alright. All in all, good section, great way to start the article.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I'm pretty much in line with Sei as to the opinion on this section. Its good, well written, and transitions well, but there are several inconsistencies. For starters, a human that prefers nature to cities isn't "strange". Its just a preference. Also, I feel the section is a bit too vague. Explain what happened to his parents, albeit briefly (even though it will be in the History section), and then go into why he is the way he is. Simply stating that "what happened to his parents" or "because his parents were killed" doesn't tell me a lot, because many people have lost parents, and all of them deal with it differently. Other than that, I have no qualms with the section. Like the previous section, it is well written and clearly thought out.
 * Points: 24/25


 * History: The history section, while well written, is pretty basic. Not a bad thing, but the parents dying in a Hollow/Arrancar attack trope does get old after awhile. Especially when the child is affected by it in an almost (forgive the reference) "Sasuke-like" fashion. Not that I would deduct points for that. As I said, it's well written and explains why the character ended up where he did, so it still accomplishes its goal.
 * Points: 15/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I have no real comments about this section, sans the following: One, its nice to see someone taking the time to section out their character's abilities and really give them some focus. Secondly, its refreshing to see another Jinki Fragment around here. All in all, good section.
 * Points: 27/30


 * Grammar: Of all the characters I have personally graded, this one by far had the least spelling or grammatical errors. You are obviously a talented writer with a fairly decent command of the language. Unlike Sei, grammar really bugs the hell out of me, so the fact that I didn't notice any glaring issues is a good sign.
 * Points: 15/15

Total: 91/100  Ten Tailed Fox  01:25, March 13, 2014 (UTC)

Blankslate's Assessment

Points: 9/10
 * Appearance: I don't usually pay much attention to this section if you have pictures of the character, but you've structured it well enough to give me a rundown on what he'd look like without pictures.

Points: 23/25.
 * Personality: Pretty much the same opinion as the others above. Like Ten said, it'd be a good idea to have a brief explanation on what happened to his parents that's shaped him into what he is now. Since the personality is the thing they'll read before history, you'll hook them that way and have them wanting more explanations as to what exactly went on. Other than that minor issue, it still gets the job done.

Points: 15/20
 * History: First problem I see is that he's part of the Kurosaki Family, which isn't a big problem or anything, but it's still something that I personally don't think would be a good idea. We aren't exactly sure about how that family works or even how big it is, but again, nothing major. As the others have said, having the parents die by a Hollow/Arrancar attack is... not very original or even that interesting, at least to me. Other than that, it's an alright section.

Points: 29/30
 * Powers & Abilities: Probably the best segment in this article. You've taken time in planning out the guy's powers and proving that he's got his own mettle, but still has a ways to go. To keep it short and to the point, good work.

Points: 15/15
 * Grammar: Nothing worth mentioning on my end.

Yeeeeeah! Now it&#39;s a party! (talk) 23:41, March 13, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion
Glaciersharp, History's a little... eh, but here's hoping it works. Zf6hellion (talk) 11:10, March 19, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Blankslate

UserSilver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment:


 * Appearance: I found this truly amazing. It's honestly the best appearance section I've seen on this exam, and definitely one of the best on the site by far. Of course, this may be because, since Hollows have monstrous forms, there is more material to write about. But that doesn't discount your effort either.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Well, one thing I liked the most about this character is that you actually went into his personality regarding his time as a human. Not only that, but you properly characterized the struggle of a soul as it is still a Hollow. This takes us back to the beginning of Bleach, when we witnessed Sora trying to regain his humanity while as a Hollow. However, I should note that it feels a bit rushed, as it'd be nicer to hear more about himself as a Hollow rather than how he once was a human, as information about himself as a human should be reserved solely for the history, unless you explicitly state that those personality traits have specific bearing on his Hollow behavior. Now, you have done that, but there's still too much focus on past traits merging into his current state rather than what the impact of the experience of being a Hollow has had on him. In sum, I'm sort of nit-picking here.
 * Points: 23/25


 * History: Now... this. This is a perfect example of a proper history. As expected of a Hollow character, it would definitely be impressive to document their life as a human and their eventual descent into becoming a Hollow. I honestly can't find too much fault with this section, if any at all.
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: The natural abilities is excellently done, I have no complaints. However, in terms of Hollow powers, It'd be nice to see more of unique variations of existing Hollow powers. By viewing this section alone, I see a standard Hollow with the added ice power. The ice power is definitely a nice touch, and I commend you for it, but it doesn't mean you should ignore pre-existing Hollow abilities. You did something unique with High-Speed Regeneration, and it'll be nice to see you do the same with other techniques too.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: No comment really, everything is in order from my perspective.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 96/100

--Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 03:37, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus's Assessment: Total Points: 98/100
 * Appearance: This is honestly one of most detailed Appearance sections I have ever seen. The author has done a fantastic job of describing the character's image.
 * ​Points: 10/10
 * Personality: Well-organized, original, and highly appealing; I have no complaints.
 * ​Points: 25/25
 * History:  Magnificent. Not only is the character's history brilliantly original, for it also splices nicely with the character's established personality and does a wonderful job of helping readers to better understand him. I do think it reads slightly too much like a story, but this is a minor complaint.
 * ​Points: 19/20
 * Powers & Abilities: The character's abilities are believable while still managing to be surprisingly original and in-depth; this is especially impressive when the character is relatively weak. Another well-done section that obviously displays the author's great effort in this particular work.
 * ​Points: 30/30
 * Grammar: Overall, there is nothing seriously wrong here; the author has even managed to avoid many common errors such as the misuse of “whom” I've complained about twice already. It must be noted that there are a few minor misspellings; some sentences could have used slightly better construction.
 * ​Points: 14/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 05:43, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

User:Prodigy X’s Assessment:


 * Appearance: To cite Sei, I must agree that this section was “truly amazing”. Very few people, save for myself, put this much effort into the character's appearance, going as far to describe things that are both visible and non-visible in his imagery. It shows great skill and the correct usage of descriptive phrases worked wonders when trying to envision this hulking beast, even without his picture.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I very much enjoyed this section, mostly because of how much of his personality is routed in his human past. He carries a lot of himself over from being a human and I like that he does retain small fragments of memories from this life. I really like the woman that he remembers the enigmatic woman of his dreams and how that really effects his personality, too; I see a lot of room for future potential. I would have liked more of a focus on how he is now, though, and how his life as a hollow has affected his personality more. You have how he likes to constantly plug himself, letting everyone know who he is as well as his constant boasting and these are certainly more hollow-based personality traits. But how much of his personality actually carries over from his human life and how much was developed after the fact?
 * Points: 20/25


 * History: A recurring, and truly fantastic, theme in your history sections is your masterful use of real world knowledge of history and research. I mean, in the first few sentences alone, you mention vital facts of his humanity; that he was born in the year 837, he was a member of the Britons, he immigrated to Armorica of the Broërec kingdom. My god... As you keep reading, it only gets better, especially when you read more about his human life and his descent into a hollow. It only gets better and more informative...amazing...
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I very much enjoyed his natural abilities section and thought that it was done quite well, so no complaints there. The spirit ice is also a rather good touch, as well, especially how you incorporated that power into his version of High Speed Regeneration. Really, the only reason that I subtracted the two points is that I feel his ability to manipulate temperature as easy as he does given his power level. You gave him the reiatsu equivalent to a sixth or seventh seat but there was really no limit as to how readily he could freeze objects. When is his reiatsu is weakened from battle (in other words, is running low), is the ice weakened? Is there a limit to how much he can freeze in this state? With this small problem aside, I feel that you did quite well.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: There were very, very few problems that I happen to spot by chance (and only because I read over everything with great care). There were two run on sentences in the personality and a misspelling of reptilian. Honestly though, that is about all I could find and that is a big, BIG leap.
 * Points: 14/15


 * Final Comments: While not a necessary section, I thought it would be proper to commend you on your efforts with Glaciersharp. I found him to be quite interesting, as well as one of the best articles in the entire exam so far, which is a feat in of itself. This article sets the bar rather high for other participants, myself included, and I hope that you continue to be an inspiration to new users.

Total Points: 92/100

  Prodigy    ( Speak the Truth ) 17:26, March 25, 2014 (UTC)

User:Paradise Paradox
Leon Herzfeld I am the Good, I am the Bad, we are the same causing a Paradise Paradox 16:16, March 31, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment: Total Points: 82/100
 * Appearance:  A decent appearance section. There are a few odd errors with wording that will deduct points from my Grammar evaluation, but otherwise this section is moderately functional in describing the character's general appearance.
 * Points: 8/10
 * Personality: This section could definitely use some work—the author has a strange tendency to repeat himself throughout (again, I'll discuss this further in the Grammar analysis), making it rather unclear and messy. A few anecdotes here would be better fit for the History section. As general advice of how to best write a Personality section, I would suggest that the author focus on one aspect of a character's personality, per paragraph, and provide examples to better understand that aspect in the same paragraph (i.e. Johnny was very short-tempered, as evident when he threw a punch at Billy for simply pointing out the former's freckles).
 * ​Points: 21/25
 * History: As a word of advice, when expounding a character's history section, only add whatever is necessary to fully understand it—do not clutter the section with irrelevant details. A few anecdotes here would actually belong in the Personality section. Putting my complaints aside, this section serves its purpose in that it is at least cohesive enough to understand.
 * ​Points: 17/20
 * Powers and Abilities:  Again, most of the problems I have with this section would be better detailed in the Grammar analysis. I like the fact that this section has some original concepts; however, some abilities, such as the character's “keen intellect,” effectively do little but state the obvious (while providing no examples) and could use better description.
 * Points: 27/30
 * Grammar: The worst part of the entire article, which is littered with misspellings (some of which are glaring) and unnecessary or poorly-constructed sentences. The author frequently repeats himself or merely states the obvious; as a result, the article as a whole is much longer than it should be.
 * ​Points: 9/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 10:04, April 7, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:
 * Appearance: It gets the job done, though parts of it feel odd and a lot of the later descriptions just feel like padding. I'd suggest dialing it back to two or three er, styles we'll call it. One for his kid years, one for his years as a young adult, and then how he looks currently. Parts of the description are worded awkwardly, and words are missing here and there (Such as: Leon has blue eyes long eyebrows). The comparison to his brother also confuses me somewhat, he's described as being well built but not muscular, that could use some explanation.
 * Points: 7/10
 * Personality: As mentioned by Somnium this section needs a lot of reworking, aside from constantly repeating how arrogant and angry this kid is, a lot of the descriptions don't make a whole lot of sense. He's a closet pervert because he read one magazine as a kid and it scarred him? That would seem more like something that would cause an aversion to nudity not an attraction, perhaps something other than scarred would fit. That, and he's mentioned to read this junk out in the open, if he was "in the closet" about it, he would have major issues with people knowing about this particular habit. Also, being insulting in combat doesn't typically make a battle more difficult, insulting an enemy is more likely to make them pissed off, which makes them less likely to think things through which makes it easier to take advantage of them, or it would have no effect in which case the fight doesn't really change. He is also described as being carefree, and yet he's deathly afraid of being left alone, he sounds clingy, he's an arrogant jerk and apparently has a traumatic attraction to pornography, this doesn't sound carefree at all, this sounds like a Psych ward.
 * Points: 15/25
 * History: This feels a tad disjointed to me, some things don't make much sense, Leon's parents neglect him, showing favouritism for his brother, but its never explained as to why, beyond his brother being more literary, which is a terrible reason. He gets his first friend/acquintance from a stalker that took a football for him? Well there was certainly very little lead up to that (I have a stalker, FOOTBALLOHSHI-, friends!). He's a kid, I get it, but the circumstances feel unnatural, sure kids are stupid enough to take candy from strangers and end up in the back of the Mystery Machine but it feels unnatural that Leon, who's supposed to be shy and quiet is being stalked (Why wouldn't the other kid just come up to him?) and then wants to suddenly talk to him after he saves him from the deadly threat of foosball. Teacher tells him he sucks, he suddenly now devotes himself to the Quincy teachings? Shouldn't his parents have already made him do this? Look, Quincy are supposed to be big headed, they are supposed to be above other Humans, I don't think they'd particularly care that he's lagging behind in his physics classes so long as he can drill a Hollow between the eyes from across town. Eh, ranting aside, the history is... functional, its lengthy and details a lot of his past though it could use some more detail to events and a bit more work on making things feel believable.
 * Points: 10/20
 * Powers & Abilities: The Numbness section should be under his Spirit Weapon, as its an ability he uses through it and not without it. The Ranged Expert makes no sense at all, an expert at ranged combat would be someone skilled in the use of ranged weaponry, a field of combat that's prided on precision, as decided by one's aim and accuracy, considering Leon sucks so hard he's likely to shoot his own damn allies, he wouldn't be an expert, he'd be a failure. The ability to shoot from a distance isn't what makes you skilled at range combat, being able to do so accurately is. Any shmo on the street can pick up a Mac-10 and gun down a street, they are unlikely to hit anything in comparison to a trained marksman however. Hand-to-Hand Combatant feels like an overestimation, there's no description of what particular style he fights with, only that he doesn't know any complex skills or has a particularly large repertoire, so I'll assume he's a brawler. Thus, I don't see how he's going to take on a seated officer, someone who is more than likely to have focused quite a bit of training in, a martial art that brings in multiple disciplines as well as spiritual power, as a Human, outside of the Wandenreich, he's unlikely to scratch and unarmed Shinigami, nevermind the fact that most of them would just slice him in half with their swords; Shinigami do not fight fair. The rest of the skills seem okay, they are given weaknesses but no real no depth to them, the activation of Blut tires him out when he activates it quickly but there's no explanation as to why for example. The description of his spiritual power is also off, "regular" Quincy don't have a lot of spiritual power, Uryū is above average, the Wandenreich are all around 1000 years old, the average Quincy does not rely on Spiritual Power (Reiryoku) which comes from within them, instead they rely on absorbing Spiritual Particles (Reishi) which comes from the world around them. Having high Reiryoku is not something most average Quincy would have, its simply a bonus afforded to a lucky few. Also... Quincy don't usually use bows that turn into swords, that's Seele Schneider, a totally different tool from their Spirit Weapons.
 * Points: 10/30
 * Grammar: Yeah, this thing is all over the place, I don't like grading grammar, mine isn't particularly great, but words are missing all over the place, structure is disjointed through out, things are repeated ad nauseam and there are a ton of misspellings. This is not difficult to solve, there are a million programs out there that could solve this issue for you if you can't be bothered yourself, you could even just grab a friend and have them proofread it for you.
 * Points: 5/15

Total Points 47/100

Zf6hellion (talk) 11:29, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment:


 * Appearance: This section has been pretty much covered above by both Somni and Z, so there's not much I can add to it. It needs work, definitely, just follow their advice above.
 * Points: 8/10


 * Personality: The length is rather impressive. Sadly, that's the only good thing. This reads like a bullet list rather than a personality section. For each separate thought, you need to further explain yourself. You start with a thought, go into it, and then you stop abruptly and move on. A character's personality needs to be deeper than just a list of things they like or dislike.
 * Points: 17/25


 * History: This section has the same issue as the previous one. Brief bullet notes but no further analysis or explanation. You skip around his ages way too much without tying it back into his personality and his associated traits.
 * Points: 10/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Honestly, I can't say I have much issues here. I think Z hit the nail on the head in his analysis of this section, and when redoing it, you should go by his advice. My main concerns lie with your personality and history sections, which are solely lacking.
 * Points: 26/30


 * Grammar: Nothing... huge, really. But the amount of spaces in this article makes my head hurt.
 * Points: 13/15

Total Points 74/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:52, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

Paradise Paradox: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until April 18, 2014, next Friday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:52, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Stylx
Kei Hirata, hopefully I did well enough, oh this is going to be fun. User:Stylx 21:34, April 4, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:


 * Appearance: A well done section, couple words missing here and there and a misspelling or two, but the meaning and the descriptions remain clear regardless. There is a lot of detail in his physical appearance, and the clothing he wears. I would say his arm warmers could be better described as covering his forearm rather than being elbow length as one could assume they cover his upper arm instead. At the same time, having them present would, I feel, be a noticeable deviation from the norm of a Shinigami uniform, though perhaps not at first glance. The description of what he wears whilst in a is also a nice touch.
 * Points: 9/10
 * Personality: Largely detailed personality, it describes the character well enough, though I feel the ordering could be better between paragraphs, how he was like as a child might be better placed at the start, so we know of his development into adulthood before you start describing his adulthood, or perhaps have it at the end, instead of smack dab in the middle of two paragraphs describing him as he is now. His relationship with Chiyoko Mori could go after the first paragraph as they'd transition into each other easier as it refers to the same topic, only a more specific instance. Further, his, character flaws feel like they're being blunted on purpose. He's distant from his fellow Shinigami and he seems to have a negative relationship with most of them, this would affect them in battle, one has to know their allies to work well with them, and someone who is anti-social would be harder to work with as a result of them having no real knowledge of each other, nevermind an inability to trust and what have you. He's described as having a warped sense of justice, but there is no detail as to what this is beyond being amoral and kinda cruel. What makes his sense of justice warped? Is he an extremist that views all crimes as being equally deserving of an intense retribution (Say, death penalty for littering or passing wind in public)?
 * Points: 23/25
 * History: The history has a lot of detail behind and even walks into some rather unexplored territory of the Bleach universe, that being the inner workings of the Rukongai and its districts. While I can't say for certain people can just up and leave a district for fear financial issues, I can't exactly disagree with it either as Kubo neglected to build up much of his world. That aside, the family becoming targets makes sense, stealing or not, a group is likely to blame newcomers for wrong doings that befall rather than accept an internal problem. It does a raise a problem though that Kei survives, he is described stealing and getting his own justice back (Though I wouldn't call it particularly twisted), but the mob that murdered his family surely noticed a missing kid? And if they didn't, he's one boy, surely he'd have a few awry moments of theft, one of which could have shown the lengths he would be willing to go to for his own survival, the need for self defense, or further a callous lack of care for the life of others, maybe a twisted enjoyment out of maiming a corpse or a compulsion to get out all of his bottled rage on someone. Onto the academy, he can't just admit himself you know, there is an entrance exam he has to take first, regardless its nice to see that he didn't immediately breeze through his teachings, and actually failed before succeeding. However, he has a Zanpakutō and a Shikai, it is a living thing which requires a degree of connection between them for its power to be unlocked, it would be nice to have seen that portion explored as to how Kei came to get around the barriers that eventually let him learn the name of his weapon.
 * Points: 18/20
 * Powers & Abilities: A lot of work went into this section and its fairly impressive, and quite indepth with his skills. A small organizational issue in that I'd say his Shunpo should be a subset of his enhanced speed, as they cover the same field, Shunpo is just a technique to do so. I'd say his intellect only makes sense as far as working alone should go, sure he can observe an opponent to figure out their skills in comparison to his own, but he wouldn't be able to formulate a plan that works on a group as he refuses to associate with them, while its mentioned he has difficulty executing his plans with a group, I'd say it should explain further as to why. I can only assume the intent is that, as he does not know their capabilities he does not (And cannot) factor them into the equation properly, leading to issues, but spelling it out is always good. The Zanpakutō has some issues in that it's Shikai isn't all that well described, its power works off of a set of serrated edges but they are never mentioned until being brought up in the special ability. The powers are also a tad difficult to understand, the Nokogiri technique causes the edges to rotate around the blade like a saw, but unless the hilt has a particularly unique configuration to allow it then they'd have to rotate across its width rather than its length making it look like a rotating blender? The Hanokiba technique also mentioned that the fangs can be regenerated, but the Mekai no Kiba does not, do they always regenerate once being released or only with the Hanokiba? If they do, it should probably be mentioned in the Shikai Special Ability part as an overall power instead.
 * Points: 28/30
 * Grammar: There are a few words missing every now and again, and a couple of misspellings here and there, though easy enough to spot and clear up on a second pass through, construction is fine and I could find no real issues.
 * Points: 9/10

Total Points: 87/100

Zf6hellion (talk) 14:48, April 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment: I'm afraid I have to make this short, but having had a look at this article and the comments above, I really haven't much to say. Overall, it's a nice article, and a proper example of how to do this exam correctly. What Z states above my comments is pretty much dead on and I'd rather not just paraphrase it all. So, yeah.

Total Points: 90/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 03:04, April 20, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment: ​Total Points: 89/100
 * Appearance: Well done. (Insert generic praise here)
 * ​Points: 10/10
 * Personality: A personality section that is quite nicely done; I have only minor issues with it (mostly involving syntax). While normally I would complain about the author's excessive detailing of the character's personal relationships in this section rather than in a Relationships section, that would be somewhat unfair since the article lacks such a section.
 * ​Points: 22/25
 * History: A very basic history that at least manages to serve its purpose (putting syntax issues aside); it ties nicely with the character's personality. The beginning does feel a little contrived to me, but overall I don't have many complaints here.
 * Points: 16/20
 * Powers and Abilities: The level of dedication put into describing the character's abilities is definitely the greatest strengths of this section. I have only a couple of complaints—“Shunpo Practitioner” should be a subsidiary of “Enhanced Speed,” and I feel that the character's “Above-Average Strength” lacks substantial justification to be exceptional.
 * ​Points: 29/30
 * Grammar: There are quite a few misspellings and typographical errors, but the more serious issues in this regard are syntax-related—redundant or awkward clauses are prevalent throughout the entire article. Dependent and independent clauses are often linked together with commas where periods would be more appropriate, giving some sentences a very strung out format.
 * ​Points: 12/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 14:24, April 26, 2014 (UTC)

User:Rwik66
Yashiro Seiryu Nakagawa Rwik66 (talk) 11:37, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

This is my first character on this site. So who knows the results.Rwik66 (talk) 11:38, April 5, 2014 (UTC) It's talking so long. Rwik66 (talk) 10:58, April 19, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

You failed to account for the 25,000 bytes, and it's well under half, meaning that you'd lose all the points possible no matter what grade the others give you. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 22:40, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

Rwik66: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until April 12, 2014 before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 22:42, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

http://bleachfanfiction.wikia.com/wiki/Yashiro_Seiryu_Nakagawa

Well i hope this goes well.

Rwik66 (talk) 06:51, April 13, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: Fairly well done section. I haven't noticed any glaring grammatical errors and he is described well and concisely. The picture, while too blurry for my tastes, actually does the section justice. So, no problems here.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I actually really like this section. I skimmed it and then went back and re-read the key parts of it and I have to say this is probably one of the most consistent personalities I've encountered. Most characters who are "kind and charismatic" in their personal lives suddenly become "cold, serious, and heartless" in battle, which makes no sense, but this character, while retaining some seriousness in battle, remains mostly the same and very true to themselves. That is a very realistic trait to have and one this site needs more of. Bravo.
 * Points: 25/25


 * History: I'm always skeptical of royal characters. Especially characters trained by Yamamoto himself. Not that it is a bad thing, but if you're going to have that happen, there needs to be more time devoted to it. Explain why Yamamoto took interest in him. To our knowledge he only took two canon students, so what sets your character apart from the rest? The rest of this section is still in-progress which doesn't give me a lot to go on, so you really should work on this more.
 * Points: 4/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Fairly basic section. It details the skills he has well enough and you have taken a good amount of time to at least list the various spells he has created or made variations of, but they lack a tremendous amount of detail. I'd put more into that. The Zanpakutō section needs to be brought up-to-date with the Manual of Style. Kinda hit my OCD here. Really think you should change the release phrase for its Shikai too. The fact that its a "heavenly dragon" and uses a paraphrased version of Hitsugaya's release phrase is a big red flag. Another thing, a Zanpakutō theme does not seem to really fit. It sounds like an excuse to have a bunch of different elements at once. Pick one and go with it, or find some other ability to centralize it around, but just naming it after Hindu gods and then giving it various elements isn't in good taste.
 * Points: 15/30


 * Grammar: There was no glaring grammar issues that I noticed.
 * Points: 10/10

Total Points: 54/100

 Ten Tailed Fox  20:04, April 15, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment


 * Appearance: Not bad. It's a good length, describes the character rather well, and paints a clear picture. I have nothing much to say about it.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Now, this reads way too much like a list, and that's not good. A personality section should flow smoothly between key points of a character and should somehow connect many, if not all, of those points together. Furthermore, statement 2 and 3, is the same thing. About his charisma. Just reworded. It jumps around, listing points rather than trying to give us an insight into the character. But beyond that, I will admit that, that which IS listed is realistically fitting. It doesn't describe a character that would be impossible to conceive of, and that alone, gives me enough reason not to deduct too many points.
 * Points: 23/25


 * History: "In Progress" alone is enough to detuct a good number of points. For a character submitted for this test, the history should be one of the only sections that have been finished, since personality is subject to change as the character matures, so too are the abilities, but the past is set in stone and should be properly recorded so as to demonstrate the ability to write a competent history section. Other than that, what IS written completely leaves out important information such as how he grew up. You say he grew up with his childhood friends. How? In what way? How were they close? How were they involved in his life? Then you jump to his training with his grandfather. This, again, is skipped without any real explanation. In fact, the only thing that has been explained is ONE event in his life. One day. And that isn't enough for a history section.
 * Points: 10/20


 * Powers & Abilities: While I like the amount of effort you've put into this, the main issue I have is that you've made him an expert in both swordsmanship and in Kidō. That is reserved for a Lieutenant-class, not someone of his seat. Considering his clan's Hydrokinesis ability, I'd imagine he'd be more naturally a Kidō user than a swordsman. ~But this is beyond the scope of the exam. Solely speaking of exam requirements, the descriptions you've done are excellent.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: Some places, you're missing punctuation and using wrong spellings, but nothing worth raising a red flag over. Please fix some of the formatting though, it does look messy.
 * Points: 14/15

Total Points: 85/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:06, April 15, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment:


 * Appearance: A nicely done Appearance section that is actually complete and fits the character's portrait. Again, I must advise against using subjective terms when describing a character's appearance, but this is a very minor complaint.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: While this section is decently organized, I feel that the disappointing lack of detail in some paragraphs makes it seem rather disjointed; modifying and merging paragraphs describing similar aspects of the character's personality would remedy this somewhat (for one, I would advise merging the first, second, and third paragraphs and modifying accordingly; the first paragraph should best provide a general overview of what shapes the character's personality).
 * Points: 22/25


 * History: I suppose I'm just going to cut my analysis short by saying that I agree with Ten, since I'd basically be repeating the same thing regardless.
 * Points: 11/20


 * Powers and Abilities: Excellently done; I personally have no complaints here.
 * Points: 30/30


 * Grammar: The History switches between past and present tense, and there are a few minor misspellings (some of which are more likely typographical errors, so I'll ignore that). A few sentences have technically ambiguous meaning or somewhat poor construction. Also, keep in mind that a paragraph should contain no less than two sentences in formal writing.
 * Points: 12/15

Total Points: 84/100 Somnium Fluxus (talk) 16:44, April 16, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Begrudging Assessment:


 * Appearance: This looked fine enough at a glance, but then I noticed some rather striking similiarities to a previous entry to the exam, Kei Hirata. In fact, barring some additions and minor rewording, a lot of this section is copied word for word from that article. Even the mistakes. Made worse here by rewording the majority of the sentence containing the first error, but keeping that error intact.
 * Points 0/10
 * Personality: As others have mentioned above it reads like a list, and comes across as lacking in detail. To me, what detail there is, also comes out as "God Modding" in feel. He's described as being able to reach "every mind" but there is no proven example of this, thus you give me the impression that all my characters and all their myriad personalities, goals, what have you are just tossed out the window if this guys decides to stand up on a podium and wax philosophy. But, no, he probably wouldn't. In fact the closest thing to an example of his charisma is the quote at the top of the page which reads like a whole lot of nothing to me. When you describe a character, sure, make him charismatic, make him great at wooing the crowd, but don't just outright say in explicit terms that he would woo anyone he speaks to, because you do not control the other people you'd write with. Other than, there's very little to remark upon.
 * Points: 20/25
 * History: I'll start with saying the sectioning feels rather pointless, with it being split between the History tab itself, and a Birth section which continues all the way to his Shinō academy days. As it stands, the section is too short to warrant sectioning it off and should it ever become long enough for it to mean anything, you should have more sections, specifically after his Birth. Unless you want me to think he entered the Shinō academy after being catapulted from the womb. The section in Sanskrit feels disjointed and should read more like: Putrakami Yagna (火儀式, Sanskrit for "Fire Ritual for Recieving of Children"). For the rest, I'll concur with the others, there isn't a lot of detail. Genryūsai needs a LOT more reasoning than just "High spiritual power" and "quick growth" to accept someone as a pupil, for one thing, every single Shinigami in existence needs high spiritual power to even get in the academy. The Konso training makes little sense, they are attacked by Shriekers? Do you mean ? If so, that's one character, a unique individual, there aren't multiples of him. If you wish to bring up his appearance as a type of minor enemy in, you should never count this as canonical given that it is more than likely done by the developers to save time and art assets and the fact that these minor enemies were renamed Screamer to avoid that confusion.
 * Points: 5/20
 * Powers & Abilities: Oh for fuck sake. This section was fine enough up until I got to the Kidō section, specifically those Enchantments. It looked alright at first, interesting enough abilities, though it seemed a little disorganized. Then I caught that little [312] on the end of the description for Ile Arms. That's a usual sign of some copying from elsewhere, badly. Put that description into Google? Oh hello Wendy Marvell. What is it with people and ripping off spells from ?
 * Points: 0/30
 * Grammar: Its generally okay, there are bits where it gets really disjointed and makes little sense, there are more than a few mistakes, especially egregious ones that help point out he's stealing work from elsewhere.
 * Points: 5/15

Total Points: 30/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 14:12, May 1, 2014 (UTC)

Rwik66: Third Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until May 9, 2014 before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:33, May 2, 2014 (UTC)

http://bleachfanfiction.wikia.com/wiki/Yashiro_Seiryu_Nakagawa --Be my guest 05:44, May 9, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

Seireitou's Assessment


 * Appearance: I see some nice improvements since the last time I reviewed this character, and it's a respectable length, so very good.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: Now, again, this still reads like a list. While it is definitely an improvement over the last time, you have to understand what I mean by "reads like a list". It just states brief mentions of personality facets. There are no examples, no references made to other characters, nothing from the history section to support these traits, nothing. It's only briefly touched upon with the mention of Ayanami and Shiroya Yashiro, but that's still only a little. You need add some more support to these characteristics.
 * Points: 22/25


 * History: I'm not as strict as others are on this section, most likely because the members of this committee are all arguably better than me when it comes to writing out excellent history sections, but I will say that you have written enough of a section that you have met the criteria for this exam. I'll rely on the other committee members to give you more in depth explanations on this section.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: You have a nice spread of abilities here, and I have generally no complaints about it. However, I should mention the "Raidoraku", for instance, which states that Yashiro can block any lightning spell, regardless of its strength, should not be in the hands of a fourth seat. Based solely on the description you provided, no fourth seat should be able to generate a technique like that perfectly. And if he can't use it perfectly, then you should note in on his page, so the reader is aware of those limitations. The secondary purpose of this exam, after being able to write interesting characters without relying on superpowers to do so, is to accentuate a character's potential for growth and improvement by pointing out where his flaws are and how/if he plans to overcome them. This is an extremely important aspect to focus on.
 * Points: 25/30


 * Grammar: No complaints really, nothing too severe, although you should use formatting that others use instead of your own. (ie. using ":" instead of "-"). But that's just me nitpicking.
 * Points: 14/15

Total Points: 88/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 22:16, May 13, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:


 * Appearance: Le Sigh. Right, from the top, I gave you a zero on this bit last time for stealing from another article, yes? That article was Kei Hirata. So lets go over that one again, especially this part:
 * Kei Hirata's Appearance: Kei normally wears the typical Shinigami attire of a, which overall consists of a black and a black , a white  and a white  and finally white  and  that all Shinigami normally wear.
 * Yashiro Nakagawa's Appearance: Yashiro normally wears the typical Shinigami attire of a Shihakushō, which overall consists of a black Hakama and a black Kosode, a white Shitagi and a white Obi and finally white Tabi and Waraji that all Shinigami normally wear.


 * You cleaned up the start of the appearance section (a little), did you think that would cut it? I'm not glancing over your work here pal, I know you're stealing from elsewhere so I'm obviously going over it to check and make sure. This middle section, and the next part regarding his appearance in the Human World is still largely a copy-paste job, Hell the above example is word for word taken from Kei's article with only a name change and now a format change in how the links are presented. Stop changing the minute details, rewrite the damn thing in your own words.
 * Points: 0/10


 * Personality: There's been little change here to warrant a re-evaluation of my previous score, though I'll say that it does feel less god mode-y than previously, and while I feel it may still be overstated, his personal traits that affect others do now leave room for others to manuever, so, kudos there.
 * Points: 21/25


 * History: The sectioning is much better this time around, and the history itself is a tad better, though I still refuse to believe Yamamoto would train him because he has the generic traits of [insert up-and-coming prodigy here]. I need something more, something with proper weight to it. We're talking about the (supposed) strongest man in Soul Society for at least 1,000 years here. Hell, nothing prior or before this shows off that Yashiro learns anything unique from Yamamoto, so why have him teach him? Why not have Shiroya continue to do so? It'd be far less hassle. I'll appreciate the change from Shrieker to Screamer, though I'm still confused as to why this is necessary, is Hollow too... generic for you? The event surrounding it remains the only area with any serious focus to which I'd say it has too much of it. Dial it back, expand everything else.
 * Points: 13/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Yup, just like the appearance the "enchantment" spells that I mentioned as being stolen are still there, all you did was change the names. Dude, this is not hard. Delete it. Get a pen and paper (Or open Notepad on your computer), brainstorm for five minutes, come up with some physical trait enhancing powers. WRITE THEM DOWN. IN YOUR OWN WORDS. Give them names, then put them here, don't go robbing from.
 * Points: 0/30


 * Grammar: Formatting has been bettered in places which is always a plus, the powers and abilities section is one which hasn't, being rather disjointed. Pick a format, even if its not the regularly accepted one, and stick to it, don't jump between them, it makes things worse.
 * Points: 8/15

Total Points: 42/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 00:30, May 14, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment:

I must be brief by advising the author to follow Seireitou's advice, as I have nothing new to add myself.

Total Points: 87/100

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 23:20, May 19, 2014 (UTC)

User:Nisshou's Assessment: --The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 13:08, May 28, 2014 (UTC)
 * Appearance I have to agree with Zf6hellion, you ripped the appearance from Kei Hirata, meaning this section is a wash out.
 * Points 0/10
 * Personality: Very detailed, but comes off as a little stereotypical of a noble. It is seen all too often that nobles are either regal or are very carefree. He lacks depth that one would seek out in an interesting person from nobility.
 * Points 20/25
 * History: No major problems, although the prodigal character routine is getting a bit old.
 * Points: 18/20
 * Powers and abilities: This section is fine, up until the kidou section. I am seeing a bit of a redundant factor in his spells, as well as the glaring similarities of magics from Fairy Tail. As I am not as versed as Hellion above in the matter, I can't be certain but if you do have stolen material I must dock you points as that is not allowed.
 * Points: 5/30
 * Grammar My only issue is with the formatting of the article.
 * Points: 10/15
 * Total Points''': 53/100

User:ShikonChireru
Noire Amakuni

ShikonChireru (talk) 19:39, April 5, 2014 (UTC)I hope I did well enough, but I won't know until I'm judged.ShikonChireru (talk) 19:39, April 5, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

You failed to account for the 25,000 bytes, and it's well under half, meaning that you'd lose all the points possible no matter what grade the others give you. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 22:40, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

ShikonChireru: Second Attempt
Noire Amakuni ShikonChireru (talk) 18:34, April 12, 2014 (UTC)My resubmition, I look forward to the review, be it good or bad...ShikonChireru (talk) 18:34, April 12, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: Small section. Not bad, per say, but it seems very lacking.
 * Points: 8/10


 * Personality: Her personality is sort of all over the place. I can't make heads or tails of it. You say she likes fighting with the same amount of enthusiasm as Kenpachi, but that she views sparring with disdain. Sparring, being a form of fighting. Its like saying that my character like food, but dislikes eating. It doesn't make sense. I think you should stray away from all the comparisons to canon characters. You did it in the appearance section too. Your character needs to be able to stand on their own. Too much relying on the canon characters for comparisons makes her feel one dimensional.
 * Points: 17/25


 * History: Holy wall of text. No jokes here, good on you for making such a detailed history. The only problem is the grammatical sentence structure makes it very hard to tell what you're saying in some places. In others it reads more like a roleplay than it does a summary of historical events. Good imagination, but try and reign in some of that and try to provide a summary instead of a play-by-play of her life.
 * Points: 17/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Pretty basic abilities section. It does what it suppose to do, though I'd say bring it up to date with the Manual of Style. I have to say that I have no idea what her Zanpakutō's Shikai does. No matter how much I read it, I don't understand a word of what is being said. You say she has no Bankai, but then launch into a large section about what it is and what it does, and, like with Shikai, I can't make heads or tails of what is actually happening in that section.
 * Points: 17/30


 * Grammar: The grammar isn't horrendous but it is bad enough that several sections of the history and powers/abilities section are completely unreadable. Probably need to run this through a spell & grammar checker before saving the page.
 * Points: 8/15

Total: 42/100

 Ten Tailed Fox  20:24, April 15, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment:

I'm afraid I have to make this short as well. What Ten has said above pretty much is what you need to work on, but I can't say there's anything that ridiculous about your article.

Total Points: 85/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 03:06, April 20, 2014 (UTC)

So...am I waiting for the others to give their assessment, or could I give my third attempt, cuz I'm pretty confused on whether I passed or failed. XD ShikonChireru (talk) 17:16, May 8, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment:


 * Appearance: The author's description of the character could use quite a bit a work where detail is concerned. Aside from this, a couple of lines here are either redundant or vague (e.g. “Her body has a slender frame, and can yet still be as enticing as the likes of Rangiku Matsumoto or Nene.”)
 * Points: 6/10


 * Personality: Quite decent in terms of depth (a few more examples of the character's behavior in some areas would be nice). One major complaint of mine is that this section is divided into subsections when it isn't really necessary, giving it a rather disjointed format.
 * Points: 22/25


 * History: While I have no real issues with the character's history itself, the formatting of this section is a major problem—as mentioned by Ten, it reads too much like a roleplay/story and overuses direct quotes, making it rather troublesome to read.
 * Points: 16/20


 * Powers and Abilities: I have no major issues here, although I do not find it particularly believable that the character would not be ridiculed for using kidō in the Eleventh Division simply because she is a female.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: There are a few minor misspellings and syntax errors which does make the article a slightly confusing read in some areas. With that said, the plural form of a noun should not contain an apostrophe.
 * Points: 13/15

Total: 85/100 Somnium Fluxus (talk) 16:59, May 18, 2014 (UTC)

User:Nisshou's Assessment: I will keep this short and simple as my colleagues have said what needs to be fixed rather well. --The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 13:12, May 28, 2014 (UTC)
 * Total Points 85/100

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:
 * Appearance: Yeah, as the others have said already, this is terribly in lacking detail. Its a tad disjointed to begin with, but I'll be running through it as it presents things. First, the simple black combat suit... Uh... what? I don't know what a combat suit is, but I'll assume you mean she's wearing a catsuit or a bodysuit. Don't just go for "simple", explain what it is. Its sleeveless (Because she's clearly wearing detached sleeves) and the top is shaped more like a dress exposing her shoulders and what not. It has that plated collar and a... crotch plate (ಠ̯ಠ). Don't just give me blanket terms that mean nothing, write something that gives me an idea of how you'd envision this character without images you pilfered from around the Internet. The next part mentions "her long hair is always done up in such a fashion". Again, what? Is it simple? Is it... combat suit fashion? I feel like you missed a few words here. Regardless, the same advice as above applies, explain what her hair looks like beyond being long and blonde, mention the ahoge sticking out of the top and so forth. In fact the same applies to the rest of this section, so I'll stop here with this.
 * Points: 4/10


 * Personality: Again, parroting other folks. The sectioning makes it disjointed and weird, especially as there isn't much content to justify it. For one thing, I'd say you should put sometime in to her values on what's strong, sure, you can just say she values strength and people would get what you mean, but its a philosophical thing plagued with different views and mindsets. Some people value raw physical power, others believe in strength of character or mind, and sometimes even more abstract details. Tell us what Noire looks for in "strong" and then give us a reason as to how that came about. Next up, how is Noire "adaptive" to the friends she makes? She's described as dragging Chireru around which implies that its against his will and the provided example has him forcing her to apologize. This doesn't sound like she accomodates her friends at all, further befriending a couple of Arrancar doesn't come across as adapting to them to me, that just means she forgives people easily despite having been enemies. As Sei mentioned, her loathing for sparring needs more justification, it is exercise, sure but unless your fighting under some very heavy restraints or regulations then its the same as a regular fight, people can still bludgeon you into a corpse with a wooden sword. The last part has a bit of a strong like for word "However" and comes across as strange to me. Why multiple personality flips depending on who she's with? She'd be acting under the influence of alcohol not the presence of other people, the last part is even redundant, she's already a prankster supposedly.
 * Points: 10/25


 * History: I feel like this is an issue that should be addressed here. Why the Japanese clan name? It comes across as weird, she's clearly not from modern Japan or someone of Asian heritage born in another country. So it feels strange to me that she has a French given name (And her brother has a Latinised-Germanic name making this even worse, nevermind her dad having the name of a Greek Goddess) when she's clearly part of a family that's, at the least, acting like its a Japanese lineage. Her history doesn't explain the clan at all (And fair enough, it doesn't need to), and gives no background on her birth so I'm assuming she was born as a Soul in Soul Society and thus never lived as a Human making the naming convention even weirder. Other than that the history is... okay. Its of decent length though I'd say it relies far too much on the canon storyline and characters to get by and uses a lot of quoting which makes it feel a bit bloated.
 * Points: 13/20


 * Powers & Abilities: ... "She mostly applies her spiritual pressure in the form of Kido, despite her being of Eleventh Division ( she is widely considered the exception to the rule due to her being a female combatant)". Oh fuck off. I should give you a 0 right here for this mysognistic crap. But I'll be fair and just drill it into the ground. There's nothing in the series that mentions a god damn thing about women being looked down upon in the 11th Division. Its first Captain, the first Kenpachi, was a woman. Its current Lieutenant (As in, the second strongest member of the Division) is a woman. They don't care if you have tits or a dick, so long as you can fight with the best of them you're golden. They wouldn't accept that she uses Kidō on the principal that its a melee division. Also its spiritual power (Reiryoku) that you use to power spells, spiritual pressure (Reiatsu) is the invisible super saiyan aura. Let's move on, Shunpo description is okay. Hakuda... ergh. I don't think that's how the concept of Mind over Body works. You're psyching yourself up with adrenaline which helps you take hits better, but if you're hit hard enough its still going to break the bounds of your endurance. Nevermind the fact that this applies ONLY when you're at an equal term with your opponent as, otherwise, power levels dominates the equation where someone with more spiritual power than Noire would cut through her like butter regardless.

Her Kidō proficiency makes me annoyed, she's not described as being a master or all that intense of a practitioner but she can use a spell that's strong enough to have someone (I know Genryūsai debunked it, thankfully) consider it Hadō #100? Yeah, no. Onward, to the Zanpakutō. First thing's first, those translations are... terrible. They're overlong and more or less always in rōmaji instead of kanji (Which isn't bad, depending on its use) which gives me the feeling you just grab the first machine translation you find and throw it up. There's a community here, pal, ask for help with translations if you need it. Its not a hard thing to ask for and many folks would be happy to throw something your way. Okay, her Zanpakutō is a constant release type... But what does it look like? The only thing resembling a goddamn description is that she can summon a giant ass sword (That somehow has a rigid attack pattern because...?). The majority of the Bankai powers don't really explain what they do and it shouldn't even exist as she doesn't a goddamn Bankai. But you have this whole, the sword passes on to other owners deal. I'm gonna say no. Because you don't explain it. Why does this happen? Why is this Zanpakutō capable of such a thing when every other Zanpakutō isn't? Why does it have this ability when none of its other abilities have any connection to such an idea? A Zanpakutō is a fragment of the wielder's soul, it doesn't persist when the wielder dies, because their soul burns out and that includes the fragment that became a Zanpakutō. If its going to subvert the usual rules, there needs to be a proper reasoning for it. And no, a sword that summons other swords isn't a good enough reason to subvert the laws of the freaking universe.
 * Points: 5/30


 * Grammar: There's quite a lot of errors here, missing words, misspellings (With repeated use of "energic" instead of energetic being the most common that I saw), the formatting is by far the worst offender though. Its all over the place and I'd suggest spending five minutes looking at some other articles to see how its done properly.
 * Points: 7/15

Total Points: 39/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 20:00, May 30, 2014 (UTC)

Waterkai
Tomoe Nakatomi :> -- Kai no kimi  -  Talk  02:05, April 19, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Zf6hellion

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: Gonna keep these short and sweet. Spectacular writing went into this. Glad to see someone use more than a basic description of their character and go into more detail.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Long section, but it has a good flow to it, superb grammar, and everything makes good sense. A+ in my books.
 * Points: 25/25


 * History: A decent history. It covers everything one needs to know about the character. Has a defined beginning and ending, leaving very little holes or questions. Fabulous grammar again.
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Keeps with the Manual of Style. Decent descriptions of all known abilities. Good that you gave her some techniques of her own instead of just listing a whole bunch of canon ones. Really loved the bit on Lie Detection. That's certainly a new one. Her Zanpakutō... intrigues me. I'm not sure why, but I like it. Superb grammar all around once again.
 * Points: 30/30


 * Grammar: The grammar in this article is fantastic. It makes a grammar Nazi, like myself, weep with joy.
 * Points: 15/15

Total: 100/100 (first time I've ever given this score to my recollection, so excellent work)

 Ten Tailed Fox  02:53, April 20, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment


 * Appearance: Rather basic, but a good length. This section should never be too long but rather a comfortable summary of their physical characteristics, clothing and other significant accessories, so in terms of that, you've hit the nail on the head.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: The length, first off, is perfect. Maybe it goes a little above and beyond the average, but that's never a bad thing. The connection between her personality and her nobility is a nice fit, with the twist of others looking at her as though she was spoiled as a result of her standing. No problems here.
 * Points: 24/25


 * History: I'll say this, that the main (and probably only issue) problem I have with this section is that there is very little about her actual time in the Academy. We go from start to finish, a brief explanation of her skills at the time of graduation, and really nothing more about that. It'd be nice, for a character like this, to have more light shed on what sort of training she went through in the academy, what she found easy and difficult respectively, et cetera. The only real thing mentioned about her tests is in Hakuda, but that's merely one aspect of her abilities. However, with that being said, it does make excellent connections with her personality and establishes how she became who she is.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I can't say much about this, all of it is quite excellent and well-rounded. With respective to my Hakuda preferences, I am impressed by the innovation with the Tesshō technique. While it is unique and different from others, it isn't beyond the capabilities that someone of a fourth seat or lower would be capable of preforming. So kudos on that.
 * Points: 29/30


 * Grammar: Goes without saying, no problems here.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 95/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 03:00, April 20, 2014 (UTC)

Prodigy’s Assessment


 * Appearance: I have to say that I rather like this section. I, myself, am known for doing long, and perhaps overly descriptive, appearances, but I think this one is the perfect length. You did a very good job describing everything that one would need to help visualize her and even threw in a picture to boot.


 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I think that this section is very well done and not just because it so well developed. A lot of the times, characters’ personalities fail to mention traits from their childhood and how these traits changed, or did not change. Honestly, though, I really cannot find a problem here, either.


 * Points: 25/25


 * History: I think I agree with Sei on this, in that there is very little description done to how she was trained. Being born into such a prominent clan, did they train her or any of the other members in a different manner than others or no? Also, I am not sure if it is because she has a huge amount of room for development, but it seems like the history is a little short. Compared to the personality, which was extremely well thought out and explained, I felt this was a little shorter, and perhaps rushed (not saying it was, that is just what it feels like to me). I could be wrong, but I liked what I read and I just wanted more.


 * Points: 17/20


 * Powers & Abilities: One of my favorite things here is the fact that she is in the and her Zanpakuto is a big ol’ . I do not know why, but that is probably the most awesome thing ever. Another thing that stands out here, for me, is that she is a human lie detector, this being a unique ability to her alone. My only nitpick, be it a minor one, is that I would have liked to see more explanation on how she trained to get these powers. Some of them do have this, but a few others do not.


 * Points: 29/30


 * Grammar: Very well checked. Nicely done.


 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 96/100   Wolf     ( Howl ) 13:47, April 21, 2014 (UTC)

User: Ash9876
Hakuhei Kuchiki Ashy (Welcome! ) 07:54, April 24, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Zf6hellion

Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment


 * Appearance: Not much to say, it's a good length and covers a great depth of his bodily appearance. However, it sort of skimps out when it comes to clothing. This isn't a major issue, of course, since it still tells us enough, but it doesn't paint that amazing a picture either. It's rather simple and basic.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: Now this was quite well-done. I could nit-pick on a couple things, but honestly, they would be beyond the scope of this exam and thus, I'll leave it at that.
 * Points: 23/25


 * History: A good length of his childhood. A decent summary of his time in the academy. Overall, nothing to really say, but considering in his personality, you mention that he suffers from a mild form of dissociative identity disorder, I would've liked to hear more about what specific events in his childhood led to him developing this disorder.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Starting from the bottom up, the Zanpakutō is very impressive. It's unique, interesting, and most importantly, you detail where his flaws with its power lies and where there is room to improve. However, as I go up, I see a relatively dull listing of basic skills that doesn't really appeal to me. While each individual section is, in and of themselves, well-done (ie. his Kidō section is rather interesting), when you look at it as a complete picture, it looks like a very loose patchwork. In my opinion, in reference to his Lunacy, it would have been nice to see some techniques or applications written about how he fights with that sort of wild nature. You know, something that sort of ties together what kind of character and warrior he is. But, this is probably me nit-picking again. Within the scope of the exam, this is a good example of a proper character at the fourth seat or lower level.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: I won't even bother, I see no issues here to raise any alarms over.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 93/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 19:48, April 25, 2014 (UTC)

Prodigy's Assessment


 * Appearance: I like the appearance quite a lot but I do wish that the clothing was not so much of an afterthought; that is kind of what it feels like, to me. Also, with rogue Shinigami, I also like to see their attire during their time in the Gotei 13 and, possibly, their attire during their time in the Shino Academy. What types of modifications did the Hakuhei make to his Shihakusho, if any?


 * Points: 8/10


 * Personality: I thought this was also quite well done, as well, and I like that, for the second time in the exam, I am seeing the use of the . It also seemed interesting to me that he does modeling for the Shinigami Women’s Association, something that you rarely see rogue Shinigami doing. In addition, his belief that the Gotei 13 fights for a “noble cause”, as Hakuhei’s mother taught him, reminded me somewhat of Itachi and his feelings of Konoha. Very interesting to say the least.


 * Points: 25/25


 * History: I thought this did a great job detailing his early life as well as the development of his disorder over the course of his life. You do an outstanding job describing the isolation felt by Hakuhei and how he went through most of his life virtually alone. Even the history leading up to his departure from the Soul Society is well done.


 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I very much like the powers of his shikai, especially the fact that they are divided based on his heritage. The fact that both power seems almost completely polar opposite is also interesting in this regard. It is also ironic that you mentioned Shunsui Kyoraku, as well, because the way you describe them very much reminds me of Katen Kyoketsu and how they behave with him. Personally, I cannot wait to see this character evolve more to were he attains his bankia; that would be interesting to see.


 * Points: 30/30


 * Grammar: All good on this front, as usual. Nothing to report.


 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 96/100

Sorry about the late response everyone, especially you Ash. I have been busy on NF reviving my works and, while I was not doing that, I was getting ready for finals.   Wolf     ( Howl ) 12:29, May 5, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Late As Hell Assessment:


 * Appearance: This was a breath of fresh air for me, my biggest complaint to most examinees is that they don't go into any depth at all with regards to their character's appearance. This is not the case here, there's enough detail to draw an image of Hakuhei in my head regardless of whether or not there's an image present. A plus is that the description of him fits with the images presented.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: People sure do seem to like DID, especially recently. That aside, the personality is very well done, and comes across as wholly unique, at least to me, I've never quite seen a character described as Hakuhei has been. Though I'm curious about his devotion to the Gotei 13, especially given his fanaticism for the cause. The canon makes it more than clear that they commit a LOT of morally questionable actions, to the point that they were essentially high paid thugs prior to the first war with the Quincy. How do events like these effect Hakuhei? Are they twisted in his head to take a positive stint or does he cling to some other notion (Such as the ends justifying the means)?
 * Points: 23/25


 * History: Its a good length and a good read. It goes a fair way to explaining who he is within his upbringing and quite a bit of attention is devoted to his bouts of isolation. His bonding with his mother makes the latter part feel a little off though, surely he'd believe the parent he bonded with so much would have her reasons for keeping his heritage from him, wouldn't he? Or at the very least give her a chance to explain things before becoming a jackass about it? Other than that, its fine, its nice to see mentioning of someone gaining their Zanpakutō among the Shinigami applicants, though as usual I gotta levy my disappointment that there is no delving into his communication with it.
 * Points: 17/20


 * Powers & Abilities: For this, I'll just echo Prody and Sei, the section is well done and the Zanpakutō is very unique and interesting, I see nothing to complain about so full marks!
 * Points: 30/30


 * Grammar: Nothing to write home about here, a couple of grammatical hiccups in the history that I noticed but nothing worth dropping points over.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 95/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 18:23, May 14, 2014 (UTC)

User: ShonenChicoBoy
Reika Hanaoka

I hope I'm doing this right... anyway. Please note that I wrote this character as a stand-alone character, meaning I do not plan to use her in any fanon/roleplay stuff. The history is long because of... well, because it's long. I needed a byte count and accidentially came up with a story. Heh. Hope it's tolerable. <font color="#c10000" face="Verdana">There goes Tokyo, yet again... SCB  (The chatty-chat section.) 05:04, April 25, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Zf6hellion

Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment


 * Appearance: Rather typical section, a decent length. But I would've liked to see more detail on her actual bodily appearance. Facial features, figure, et cetera.
 * Points: 8/10


 * Personality: The Split Personality is an interesting concept, I will admit. But there's way too little on her actual personality. This reads like a list. Almost every sentence in this section is referring to a separate personality trait, and deserves at least two to three sentences devoted to them individually.
 * Points: 15/25


 * History: Now this is impressive. Quite excellent and I honestly have no complaints here at all.
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I won't say much about the Zanpakutō, since I can't expect too much from a fourth seat or lower. But it would've been nice to read about where her weaknesses lie in using it. However, the same can not be said for her abilities. The information about her swordsmanship is literally nonexistent. It's like one sentence. Kidō is the only section that is even slightly decent, but even there it is lacking. You say: "she can use multiple spells in conjunction with each other and her Zanpakutō." How? In what way? What spells specifically? Fourth seats wouldn't be capable of using all spells in the Kidō list and even the ones they can use aren't perfect and many of them are bound to not be practiced enough to be used in combat. So what spells? How does she use the spells? How do they compliment her Zanpakutō? There are far too many blanks to be drawn here.
 * Points: 15/30


 * Grammar: While the formatting hurts my eyes, the grammar isn't that atrocious, so I won't nit-pick.
 * Points: 8/10

Total Points: 71/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:03, April 25, 2014 (UTC)

Prodigy’s Assessment


 * Appearance: I would also say that I agree a great deal with Sei on this one, in that I would have liked to have seen a lot more detail here. I would have also liked you to mention why she has to wear the mask, since it plays a large part in her appearance, explaining later the point that lead up to her having to wear it.


 * Points: 8/10


 * Personality: Again, I have to go with Sei on this one, saying that there is actually very little on her actual personality and more on her split personality. However, I do like the fact that someone is actually exploring the possibility of . It would leave a lot of room in the future to add more personalities (since the disease can encompass one or more split personalities), possibly giving them different names and fighting abilities. There is a lot of potential here but it overshadowed by the lack of her actual personality which is too bad.


 * Points: 20/25


 * History: As previously stated with User:Zf6hellion’s assessment, I am a huge sucker for history sections that start from the very beginning, before they were a soul. Honestly, though, I think it could do without the “Overview” section, instead referencing that information later, but it doesn’t really hurt the article being there either, so good job here, nonetheless. The plot, though, does seem a little wonky as most of those images could have their own pages instead of being put on hers.


 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I say you did a good job here, overall, but I would like to see more detail on what powers she can and cannot use. You made her an expert Kidō expert but does she focus more on healing Kidō or Kidō overall? In addition, that is the only power with an actual explanation and detail whereas the others kind of struck me as being after-the-fact (although I doubt this is the case). I would have also liked to see more on her false Zanpakutō, possibly explaining how it works in a bit more detail and possibly naming the techniques that she uses.


 * Points: 20/30


 * Grammar: I did not find anything that jumps out at me by way of spelling and such, but I think that a lot of the things listed could have been formatted a bit better.


 * Points: 8/10

Total Points: 76/100 <font face="Old English Text MT">  Wolf     ( Howl ) 13:54, April 28, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:


 * Appearance: Her appearance is fine enough, though as others have pointed out, it lacks in detail in what she actually looks like. Yes, manga like pale unblemished feminine faces but this is written work and detail should be put in to what makes Reika's physical appearance difference from a blank mannequin. Does she have a strong jaw, does she have protruding cheek bones? C'mon, dude, step out on to a busy street for five minutes and draw some inspiration from the the infinitely different folks around you. The images used for representation also feel misplaced given that they are all different from each other and the latter two present on the Appearance section don't fit with the description written for her, for one both of them sport hair much longer than shoulder length. I'll also agree with Prody above in that an explanation should be given for the mask, and how or, even, why it changes on the fly. I can understand wearing different masks in a day-to-day basis if that's really someone's thing, but where does the gas mask come from if only used when needed?
 * Points: 7/10
 * Personality: I've got little to add beyond agreeing with Sei and Prody here, there is little depth given to her personality, or even the split personality beyond explaining that it exists and is largely negative. There should be a lot more to this, especially given the nature of split personalities. Remember that a character article is technically done in an Out of Universe sense, its alright to explain to people which personality is true and which isn't, how they work and which belongs to Reika herself and the Shinigami that she was created to mimic. Go in depth, explore.
 * Points: 15/25
 * History: Well its got a Hell of a length to it, and its pretty well done up until the end where I feel it starts to mangle things. Why did Mayuri want Koan dead? More over why'd he just erase Reika's memories and toss her to the World of the Living? Does that seem like Mayuri to you? It sure as shit doesn't seem like the the Pharaoh hatted guy I've seen. If you really want to integrate it so much with canon, make it believable, as it is now, it feels contrived, I don't believe Mayuri would just toss her out the nearest garbage chute to the Human World and would more than likely experiment on her or destroy her. It also brings another plot hole (On an already plot hole heavy canon scenario) in Aizen's schemes with Mayuri being aware he's up to something.
 * Points: 15/20
 * Powers & Abilities: There's very little detail in here, especially with this Artificial Zanpakutō, which I feel needs a lot of work. A Zanpakutō is a LIVING THING in the form of a sword with a personality, even a physical form that differs from this and remains trapped within the mental world of its wielder. Its said to manipulate Reishi that Reika releases, but she's not a Quincy and you don't generally release Reishi. Reishi is the building blocks of the spiritual world, like ghost atoms, you generate Reiryoku within your soul, you emit Reiatsu through willpower, Quincy manipulate Reishi alongside some devices and specific shenanigans, if Reika does this, explain how, why, and what for. I'm also largely disappointed that the character went the filler route with the Yushima Shinigami clones rather than following Kon's route with enhanced physical characteristics and the like.
 * Points: 18/30
 * Grammar: Literal grammar is fine, I didn't notice anything out of order, but the formatting of the article is... Ew. The worst example being the Plot section, the images are unnecessary and throw everything out of whack with the paragraphs being tiny and all over the place. The abilities section is formatted differently from the norm, which isn't bad, but I don't see the point in it changing. There's also issues with the use of bullet points causing large gaps between 'em and the blurb has a billion spaces before reaching the contents box for whatever reason. It gets a mite worse if you decide to push the edit button and see that every link is done as a url which just feels like intentional bloating for the byte count. In the case that I'm wrong and it isn't, you'd be better served with either Ichigo Kurosaki or / Chocolate or.
 * Points: 8/10

Total Points: 63/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 15:50, May 1, 2014 (UTC)

ShonenChicoBoy: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until May 9, 2014 before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:33, May 2, 2014 (UTC)

LordGalvatron
Quodrak Verros -  Galvatron-dono  -- Do you hear the voices too? 10:58, April 30, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Zf6hellion

Seireitou's Assessment


 * Appearance: First off, I'd like to use this chance to say that I'm happy to see innovation. I've seen some people create Quincy for this exam, one person made a bare Hollow, and now a simple rank and file Arrancar. This is most excellent. Now, getting to the matter at hand. This appearance section is honestly well done and I have no complaints. Instead of wasting time telling you how good something is, I'll only mention something when it needs to be fixed.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Short and to the point. It's a nice length and covers his traits rather well. The only thing I should mention is that, the general gist of the personality section is suggesting that Quodrak is off-putting and strange. But why? Is this just who he is? Or do these traits cover up some aspect of his true personality deep down? Just giving him these quirks doesn't mean he isn't still one-dimensional, you need to add more depth to what it means for him to be this off-putting guy. I get how he acts and how he thinks is off-putting, but why? Why is he like that?
 * Points: 23/25


 * History: Now, see. I can tell he's gone through some traumatic events as a human, and certain events led to his transformation as a Hollow, but this stuff would've been nice to include in why his personality is the way that it is. Nothing in the history connects with his personality, and vice-versa, which should be a very significant factor to account for. However, beyond this, I will say that within the scope of this exam, the section is well written.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Pretty straightforward. The amount of description fits an Arrancar, whom would be most likely self-trained. Overall, I have no complaints here, and I think this section is just right.
 * Points: 29/30


 * Grammar: I ain't even gonna bother, it looks fine.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 95/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:49, May 2, 2014 (UTC)

Prodigy’s Assessment


 * Appearance: I will go one record with Sei and say that I am quite impressed with all of the ingenuity that I am seeing in the exam. I am glad that people are doing more than just Shinigami and I am also glad to judge our first Arrancar. As for Quodrak’s actual appearance, I am quite impressed, to say the least. The thing I found most interesting, by far, would have to be the polydactyl features, something I have yet to see on this site. Very well done.


 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I very much like his personality, especially his more elusive nature, but why is he like this? You mention many very interesting traits unique to Quodrak but I feel that there is little explanation to how he became this way or how he came to develop these traits. My favorite trait of his would be his speech quirk, the “tsk-tsk”, but why did he attain this quirk or is it something he has had since childhood or, perhaps, life as a human. Altogether, though, I think you did a great job here also.


 * Points: 22/25


 * History: …Amazing… There is not much more I can say. I am sure, by now, that everyone on this site knows that I am indeed a sucker for extremely in depth histories, especially ones that extend before a soul became a soul. If anything was wrong with this history, it would be that his life as a human may have been too short; I would have liked to have seen more.


 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: It was not until I got here that I noticed the similarities to Spiderman; the wall walking, web shooting Quodrak is really tugging at the heart strings here. I also enjoy the irony of someone who is Polydactyl having the ability to shoot webs, although I am unsure why. Most of his other hollow powers a pretty basic, so nothing to report there, but that Resurrección… I really like that you took the time to develop such a unique resurrección that follows a theme that I have yet to see amongst Arrancar. It did strike me as being a little similar to Kidomaru from Naruto, but I am not really going to gripe and complain about that because you did a good job making it your own.


 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: It is all good on this front. Nothing to report here.


 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 95/100 <font face="Old English Text MT">  Wolf     ( Howl ) 12:46, May 5, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:


 * Appearance: An extremely indepth description of the character here, and its really well done. Kudos. I take slight issue with the descriptions of being disturbing or discomforting as its essentially putting thoughts into someone elses head, when, in reality, you can't account for what people would think about this guy's appearance. More than a few people could find him downright sexy. There's little description going on with his attire, and, while fair enough there's not much to say about the Wandenreich uniform, it doesn't hurt to detail it for those people unfamiliar with it. Also, his gloves are said to be typical with only five fingers though there's no mention of what he does with the extra finger? Is the glove cut open so that it doesn't need to fit in it, is it stuck in to the same slot as the other closest finger?
 * Points: 9/10
 * Personality: Its long and a good read, though, I'll have to echo previous parts in that I don't see how it all connects. Parts of it I can easily assume are connected to his arachnid traits (And, while I'm not sure how ambitious real arachnids are, arachnid-based characters through out fiction are often ambitious schemers) but other parts I can't really attach to his history all too well. I don't see a drive for ambition, or a lust for power that occurs prior to his Hollowfication, in which case, that feels more like what an average Hollow would do instinctually. He isn't specified as being unhinged or strange in his Human years and there's no clear reason for why he just kinda gives off creepy grins absent-mindedly. This is tempered somewhat by having a variety of quirks that help make him come across as unique.
 * Points: 23/25
 * History: Again the section is very well done and I like that his role in life is always "down putting", he was a career criminal, the son of a mob boss, and then a Hollow. The problem with his history is that it doesn't feel right, he gets a mention of a returning lust for power and ambition but an assassin is a woefully low place to be, potential or not, you don't really get very far through that line of work. At least as far as typical gambits for ambition go. And while it could be inferred that he's going to eventually off his old man once the business gets to a good spot (Or simply inherit it when he passes on) there's no defining mention towards such. Other than that though, it works well enough, but I will bring up a tiny snag in his memories returning. I'm not removing a point for it as its mostly a matter of opinion but I'd believe Hollows keep all their memories at first and slowly degrade into madness, at least as a normal Hollow, fair game after the fact given the unique makeup of a Gillian.
 * Points: 18/20
 * Powers & Abilities: Once more, very well done, I really enjoyed the sheer amount of spider-y-ness that's injected into each of his traits and skills, which leave me somewhat confused as to why his High-Speed Regeneration works as it does. The way I see it, the ability reflects the powers or body of the user in some way (Grand Fisher's hair, Ulquiorra's fetish for the colour black). I would've expected webbing to be the default manner or maybe some form of chitinous growth to reflect the body of a spider but instead its just black growths. Other than that confusion I see nothing to take issue with and "Super Cero" gave me a chuckle.
 * Points: 30/30
 * Grammar: As everyone else has stated, grammar looks all fine to me.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 95/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 18:23, May 6, 2014 (UTC)

Joseph.Azriel
Suido Hikari-
 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Zf6hellion

You failed to account for the 25,000 bytes, and it's well under half, meaning that you'd lose all the points possible no matter what grade the others give you. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:11, May 14, 2014 (UTC)

Joseph.Azriel: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until May 21, 2014 before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:11, May 14, 2014 (UTC)

http://bleachfanfiction.wikia.com/wiki/Suido_Hikari (Suido Hikari) Feel free to check it! I'm free to do anything now, so don't hold back, kay? Joseph.azriel (talk) 06:21, June 3, 2014


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:


 * Appearance: Its pretty well done overall, though it happens to jump from place-to-place a lot and could use a bit better organization with regards of how it describes her (Going from the shirt to her pants then her belt then her hat is kind of weird, hat > coat & shirt > belt & pants would be a bit more natural). You also got the ponytail wrong, ponytail is a style, the object which you use to tie your hair could be a bauble, ribbon, hair tie, hair clips and so on. It would also help to seperate things into paragraphs, perhaps one for her current appearance and another for her past look.
 * Points: 8/10
 * Personality: Well this is... something. Its decent length, but a lot of it is worded strangely and comes across as being really disjointed. I'm not going to analyze all of it, because I literally don't have it in me at the moment so I'll only go over a few points. Okay, she's surrounded by friends and is apparently well liked, and yet she's still lonely and feels abandoned until she meets Ichigo? What's the difference? Come up with an actual explanation please, other than "Hurr durr ginger kid who's a smarmy cunt 80% of the time is better than being smothered with love!". Her anger... Anger is that thing where you emotionally explode, get red in the face and punch people, sure, people express it differently, but its an irrational outburst prompted by something annoying you or pissing you off, you wouldn't suddenly become lazy. Its also a rather terrible way of expressing an example, as someone's death is far more weighty and comes with other attachments (Grief, depression etc.). Her obssession with dinosaurs, while original, is a little daft. There's no logical reason for the attachment and it could actually bare with some expansion. How does she know everything about them, where they were found and such? Explain what she does to keep track of all this (Especially considering its an ongoing field). Also... Why would this remain with her when she forgets the abilities of her Zanpakutō, a thing that is LITERALLY a part of her Soul. IT IS HER. Oh, yeah, she dislikes surprises more than being abandoned... You're kidding right?
 * Points: 14/25
 * History: Hey look, one sentence and we already have an issue. She has an unknown older brother... but he has a name (Mizunami Hikari). I get that Suido doesn't know who he is, but that's irrelevent to the article, its not supposed to be from an in character perspective. So I took a look at her spiritual power after seeing the mentioning of it in this history... and it kind of rips this whole thing apart. You're saying she has enough spiritual power to kill minor Hollows and Humans. Yeah, kiss my ass. This isn't a trait of a Fourth Seat (or lower) Shinigami, this is Hōgyoku-evolved Aizen level. CAPTAINS don't have the power to disintegrate Humans or Hollows (And a Hollow is stronger than a Human spiritually). ICHIGO doesn't have this until he trains in the Dangai with Isshin. But if she did, everyone around her would be dead, excepting Toshiro, so this whole bit is kind of void and makes no sense. An invasion of Soul Society seems highly unlikely, especially without the Shinigami knowing about it before hand. Also an invasion would have Gillians, which, I doubt she'd slow down, but as I've already mentioned bullshit OP spiritual power is bullshit OP. The rest of it, is kind of flat, and mostly serves as an engine to pump Suido here into the canon shenanigans, also better spacing could be used. That third paragraph is huge, pal.
 * Points: 13/20
 * Powers & Abilities: As I've already made clear her spiritual power cannot kill anything at "High" tier. Sōsuke Aizen had to fuse with the Hōgyoku and evolve several times before he could cause a Human's Soul to disintegrate in his presence, nevermind a basic Hollow (Which are stronger than Humans). Ichigo, who has immense spiritual power couldn't even do this. Her spiritual detector could use some major explanation, how do her muscles (And veins? What?) react to a spiritual presence? They don't have any sensory qualities of their own, they react to the impulses of the brain. Her healing, unless its just some facet of her spiritual power, would also be considered Kidō might want to switch up its location. No talent in Hakuda, has a paragraph explaining her talents in Hakuda... What? I'm just gonna leave it here, this needs a lot of fixing. Parts make no sense, her skill is apparently dependent on how many people she can fight at once (It shouldn't be). Please, look at other articles and see how they do it. Its not that hard.
 * Points: 8/30
 * Grammar: The grammar is all over the place, constantly switching between present and past tense. The empty image boxes serve no purpose and should be removed, there's also a lot of disjointed parts and messed up wording.
 * Points: 10/15

Total Points: 53/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 19:22, June 12, 2014 (UTC)

Kenji Hiroshi
Kenji Hiroshi -- <font color="FireBrick">Kenji-Taichō <font color="FireBrick">(Talk)  17:36, May 14, 2014 (UTC)
 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Zf6hellion

Seireitou's Assessment
 * Appearance: Rather standard section here, it gives the reader an understanding of his physical features while also describing his attire. No complaints here.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: One thing I will say is that I like that you actually made connections between the personality and the history sections. That is a significant trait in this exam that I have seen in only a few other applicants and should be present in every character on this exam. Kudos. You also take the time to outline some of his more private and personal characteristics, which is a bonus.
 * Points: 24/25


 * History: Not much to report here. It's a very thorough section that covers a good length of Kenji's history and I personally don't spot any significant inconsistencies worth mentioning.
 * Points: 19/20


 * Powers & Abilities: The Gwyllgi is a very unique touch and it fits very well with the character. Now, the only issues I have with this section is that, while it does provide a good length of explanation, it barely makes any connections to how Kenji came to learn these skills. It'd be nice to see connections from his history made to his abilities, signifying why his art form was so brutal and rigid due to his background. It's still a bit too brief in my opinion and warrants some more explanation, especially in the area of combat you wish Kenji to focus upon as a fourth seat.
 * Points: 26/30


 * Grammar: Nothing to report.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 94/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 21:19, May 14, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:
 * Appearance: Definitely serviceable, though, I'll levy my usual complaint in that I don't feel it goes into enough detail. Its a common issue here that most folks, at best detail a characters hair and the most basic traits of their physical body. This applies here too, in that nothing about his actual facial features is really described apart from facial hair. Have you ever seen a nose? Those bad boys have a million different shapes and configurations, describe it. Do the same for the rest of his facial features. Give us some weight to this guy, don't just rely on images pilfered from all over the Internet. From the sheer length of the history section I can see that you put effort into this guy, Hell what he wears is more in-depth.
 * Points: 8/10


 * Personality: Nevermind contrasting the history with it, this personality is positively gargantuan compared to Kenji's enigma of a face. I have no complaints section at all, its detailed, it connects elsewhere and explains why, who, and how he is as a person. I like the touch it went into explaining his isolation, going so far to even ignore his Zanpakutō which for all intents and purposes is him. Kudos.
 * Points: 25/25


 * History: Alright the end of that first paragraph got me to laugh, most kinds of meetings between characters like this tend to have one chasing the other to thank them or whatever, Kenji here? "Dang, she must make bank!". Other than that, its a good piece, it draws one in well enough, comes with a lot of detail and I can't really see any errors to bitch about.
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: As Sei brings up, its a very well done area and the only real issue is the lack of explicity. Sure, people can imply and assume he's brutal because he was raised in a slum and is a really bitter individual, but its always good to have that put out, y'know? Other than that, I got no issues.
 * Points: 27/30


 * Grammar: A couple of misspellings, nothing to moan about.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 95/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 20:38, May 17, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment: Total Points: 97/100
 * Appearance: Very well done. My only complaint is that a couple of habits are detailed here when they would more appropriately belong in the personality section.
 * ​Points: 9/10
 * Personality: Nicely organized, in-depth, and quite peculiar in a good way. I do believe that the section delves slightly too far into the character's history where it isn't necessary to understand his development, but this is a minor complaint.
 * ​Points: 23/25
 * History: Brilliant; I have few issues with this section.
 * ​Points: 20/20
 * Powers and Abilities: No serious issues to point out here.
 * Points: 30/30
 * Grammar: For the first time, I actually have no serious grammatical issues to report. There are minor typographical errors, but that is always to be expected.
 * Points: 15/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 02:27, May 28, 2014 (UTC)

User:XBEATS
Here goes nothing =)       Ryo Hiroshi  XBEATS (talk) 10:58, May 28, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Benroy
Benroy (talk) 19:12, June 9, 2014 (UTC) Renta Seikotsu How is my character?


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion