Bleach Fan Fiction Wiki talk:Right to Powerful Characters Qualification Exam

Note: As I am the first to post my character for consideration by the committee, please use my application below as an example for how you should present your character for the committee to review. Since all applications must be responded first and foremost by me, as I will use that chance to tell you which committee members will be the ones reviewing your character (since we may or may not need to replace and/or add back-ups to the committee), and from there, the committee can then begin grading your characters. Despite the exam's rules not starting until Friday, you are allowed to submit your character early if it is ready. Please remember... to sign all of your posts! --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 05:15, March 6, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou
Iyori Mochizuki --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 05:15, March 6, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Nisshou, User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Blankslate, User:Zf6hellion, and User:Prodigy X

User:Nisshou's Assessment:
 * Appearance: Pretty straight forward and even though it is brief, it captures the image of the the character and shows his character.
 * Points 8/10


 * Personality: Extremely detailed and allows me to see deeper into the character as a whole and grow to like and respect him. He is a well put together character and has many facets of his persona which I enjoyed reading about.
 * Points 25/25


 * History His History is to the point and fills the reader with some canonical elements as well as showing both where the character's personality traits stem from as well as some of the authors own quirks, blending the two together and creating a character with depth that is very believable. However the length is questionable and I feel it could be expanded more, specifically his time in Shinou as well as his time in the rukongai possibly.
 * Points 25/30


 * Powers & Abilities: For a character of his rank, his Powers and abilities are on the level and are well detailed. This shows the overall skill-set as well as where the character can grow to become stronger. I feel as though the author has given all the proper points which address where his strengths and weaknesses lie.
 * Points 20/20


 * Grammer: As always, the author has a masterful usage of the language and I have discovered no errors in his diction.
 * Points 15/15

Total Points 93/100

--The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 01:18, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus's Assessment: ​Total Points 91/100
 * Appearance: No real problems here—despite its length, it is easily understood while remaining relevant to the subject.
 * Points 9/10
 * Personality: An impressively thorough description of the character's personality that, again, remains true to the topic. I especially like that the writer also took the time to detail the character's hobbies. This is brilliant—no complaints here.
 * ​Points 25/25
 * ​History: A rather standard history (in this case, this is understandable) with a relatively impressive length and depth. It is noticeably straightforward.
 * ​Points 23/30
 * ​Powers & Abilities: This is what I found especially impressive—despite depicting a relatively weak character, the descriptions of his abilities are deceptively thorough. I have no complaints here.
 * ​Points 20/20
 * ​Grammar: Thankfully, there is nothing seriously wrong in this regard, but there is one small problem (a very common error, so I'll only subtract one point from the score)—there is actually a difference in the usage of "who" and "whom," which is that "whom" is considered the objective form of "who." To provide clarity, here are a few examples: The owner of the mansion was Wilson, who was a creative writer whom Jack admired."; "Who are you? By the way, whom did the king execute?"; "A horse, whom Chris let loose, kicked the shack of John, who was especially furious."
 * ​Points 14/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 03:12, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment: Total Points 92/100
 * Appearance: No real issues with the description itself, it describes the character's appearance well enough though it could perhaps go into more detail about his facial features, the shape of his eyes, length of his nose, the structure of his jaw and all that kind of thing. The image in the infobox also feels a bit flawed, the character in that image has very light blonde hair and not near enough the length in the bangs to hide either eye putting it at odds with the description and the other presented image.
 * Points 8/10
 * Personality: Extremely indepth and very well detailed. It goes about the various traits that make Iyori who he is whilst also explaining their establishment which is a very nice touch. It goes out of its way to integrate who he is amongst the Canon without negatively impacting the characters themselves, Iyori takes influence without forcing some new traits onto his counterparts which is a nice pitfall to see avoided.
 * Points 25/25
 * History: The history is well done, though it feels like it may have been rushed to its conclusion on the last paragraph. The early portions are a slight more detailed on Iyori whilst his time in the Shinō Academy is brushed over quite quickly, there is also little mention of his attainment of his Shikai, the moments where he first connected with his Zanpakutō which would have been nice to read about.
 * Points 24/30
 * Powers & Abilities: Extremely indepth and with little to nothing in the way of bloating, the section paints a very clear picture of Iyori's current skills and abilities as well as his potential for growth, and not just in the areas it makes clear he is actively improving in.
 * Points 20/20
 * Grammar: I didn't find anything to take issue with aside from a missing word here or there or a word on top of another that describes the same thing, very minor things that are easy to disregard, I don't feel it requires removal of a point though, just felt it should be noted.
 * Points 15/15

Zf6hellion (talk) 19:33, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

PITZWIL100
Sora UkitakePITZWIL100 (talk) 09:05, March 10, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Blankslate

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: A fairly descriptive section. You don't need to repeat her height and weight, that's what the infobox is for, but otherwise, I have no complaints about this section.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: Okay, I have to point this out as a starter, though this is more of a writing flaw than a problem with the character. You keep saying "absolutely loved". Its used in three sentences that are back-to-back-to-back, all describing training with her sister. We get it. She loved it. One sentence can list all three examples and then you wouldn't have to repeat it all the time. I don't understand this sentence: "Being the youngest of eight siblings never introduced her to sibling rivalry or sibling bullying either, which she was extatic about." First of all, being the youngest of a large number of siblings doesn't mean that you have no rivalries with the others, and why would she be ecstatic (the proper way to spell that word) about that? Not all sibling rivalries are bad. Also, you state that she fell in love with Ikkaku because their personalities were similar, but I've read this whole section and, I'll be honest, they're nothing alike. Like, at all. Thirdly, why are you mentioning the progress of her Bankai training in her personality section? It really doesn't belong there. Overall, this section is riddled with inconsistencies, bad grammar, and is just confusing.
 * Points: 5/25


 * History: The picture that says "Hinata in the Shinō Academy"? Might want to change that to Sora. Honest mistake, but my OCD won't let me not mention that. Other than that, and the obvious occasional grammatical error, I didn't really have a problem with this section... until "she instantly fell in love with him". Don't do that. I know its done to the death in fiction, but nobody, and I mean nobody, "instantly falls in love" with someone. Develop infatuation? Yes. But "love" suggests she knows him on a personal enough level to love him, and in the same sentence you mention that, initially, she didn't like him.
 * Points: 16/25


 * Powers & Abilities: How is she a highly notable division member? I read her bio and I can't find it. Oh well, that's nitpicking. On to the meat! No. I'm going to stop you right here. The object of this exam is to create a character with the average power of a 4th Seat. Can 4th Seat's have unusually large Spiritual Energy? Absolutely, but the purposes of this test demand one who isn't. This is a big blow to you, because, you insist that you refuse to write weak characters, which is exactly what you need to do to pass this portion. Nevertheless, I'll continue. Being masochistic does not equate to having great power. So why you would state that "even with her masochistic personality" she was "unable to use her massive spiritual power" is beyond me. Also, an 11th Division member wouldn't use Kidō. In their division, such things are regarded with ridicule, and if she is such a "notable" member, then she would know that and avoid spells like the plague. Yes you make her bad at it, but the point is, the 11th Division doesn't use it. At all.
 * Points: 5/20


 * Grammar: While the grammar on this article isn't terrible, as far as spelling and punctuation go, the sentence structure is atrocious. Try not to have three sentences back to back saying the same thing in a different way. Its distracting and is detrimental to how the article reads.
 * Points: 3/15

Total Points: 38  Ten Tailed Fox  02:08, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Somnium Fluxus's Assessment:


 * Appearance: One immediate (albeit small) problem with this section is that the character's height and weight are given, which is rather redundant. The character's description is incomplete in some areas, such as her casual attire. Another problem is, in my personal opinion, the author's use of subjective terms (e.g. beautiful) when describing the character; a neutral point of view would have been preferred. The section is somewhat decent otherwise.
 * Points: 6/10


 * Personality: The majority of this section dedicates itself to describing the character's personal relationships, rather than using those relationships as a map to deduce the character's true personality, which is left vaguely explained as a consequence. The section occasionally goes off-topic by describing other characters' thoughts, and it is cluttered with anecdotes that would better fit in other sections.
 * Points: 14/25


 * History: This is where I was especially disappointed. Again, the section is littered with unnecessary details and anecdotes that would be far more suitable in other sections—in fact, the majority of this section simply describes the character's personal relationships. There should be no need bluntly say what effects past events have had on the character's personality in this section. I also noticed that the author copy-pasted a sentence or two from the personality section. As for the character's history itself, it is rather uninspired and clichèd, but I won't deduct any points for that reason.
 * Points: 9/20


 * Powers & Abilities: As with the History section before it, this section is cluttered (to a less extent) and has copy-pasted sentences. The subsections could use more cohesive description. Some of the character's abilities lack creativity; the character's Shikai is particularly unimaginative. This section is decent, but uninspired.
 * Points: 22/30


 * Grammar: If I haven't already made this obvious, this article as a whole suffers from unnecessary, incomplete, and poorly constructed sentences. There are quite a few misspellings (I will not deduct any points for that), making me question if the author proofread the article.
 * Points: 9/15

Total Points: 60/100

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 02:28, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Nisshou's Assessment: --The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 15:50, March 11, 2014 (UTC)
 * Appearance: Fairly basic, but the height and weight figures in the section are distracting. It gives a pretty general explanation so I have no real complaints.
 * Points: 9/10
 * Personality: You mention she hates Ukitake, but dont explain why. That coupled by the jumping around and spelling errors cause a disconnect in the structure and flow which hinder its readability.
 * Points: 18/25
 * History: Very Cliche, and fairly basic. You don't explain how she falls in love nor do you explain what she admires about Ikkaku. The sections seem disjointed and don't offer any real incite into her actual history, and I see no real sequence of events.
 * Points: 10/20
 * Powers and Abilities: Sections are too brief and offer no incite on her actual skill in the individual areas let alone the connections between them. Also she lies outside of the norm for an 11th Division member as she has skill in Kidou, which would be looked down upon by everyone in the division as it is the "combat division" as started by Zaraki. This along with her short explanation of Hand to Hand combat (and detailing techniques doesn't count to show her actual skill.) Also it seems odd that her shikai grants her "enhanced Reiatsu, and Zanjutsu" and it appears unnatural to me.
 * Points: 20/30
 * Grammar: Several spelling errors and lack of proper sentence structure.
 * Points 8/15
 * Total Points: 65/100

PITZWIL100: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until March 18, 2014, next Tuesday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:12, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Skinnyberry9
Shiroi Senkō   I love PANCAKEZ 17:55, March 10, 2014 (UTC)   17:53PM, March 10, 2014


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Blankslate

User:Somnium Fluxus's Assessment: Total Points 70/100
 * Appearance:  The descriptions of the character's attire and physical appearance are rather vague and evidently rushed, but nothing truly painful to read.
 * Points 7/10
 * Personality: This section rather decently describes the character, although it isn't truly exceptional in this regard; one problem, however, is that the author completely neglected to thoroughly explain how the character's relationships have altered his personality.
 * Points 18/25
 * History:  The character's history is vague, contrived, and, at some points, rather nonsensical. Overall, this section seems almost rushed and disjointed from the rest of the article.
 * Points 10/20
 * Powers & Abilities:  I do always enjoy a touch of originality, and this section manages to accomplish that quite well (assuming, of course, the character's techniques were not borrowed from an anime I have no knowledge of). I would have preferred a little more description in some areas, but this section still manages to be decent regardless.
 * Points 24/30
 * Grammar: One prominent issue in this regard is that the author uses past and present tense interchangeably (specifically in the History section, which should only use past tense up to recent events). Some sentences are poorly constructed. Another issue is the misuse of “whom,” but since I've already described that error in detail, I'll leave it at that.
 * Points 11/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 18:46, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment:


 * Appearance: The attire description is fairly basic. While characters don't always remain in the same clothing, its generally a good idea to give a detailed description of the attire they are generally seen wearing. Also, because I'm a grammar Nazi, I have to point this out: "Shinigami" should always be capitalized, as should "Division", as it is part of the name of the division, and not just a description. All in all, not a particularly bad description, but the grammar and punctuation need improvement and more detail needs to be given to his specific outfit(s).
 * Points: 4/10


 * Personality: I like the personality section. You get a general idea of what the character is like, but I have a few things to point out: He acts normal while in the Human World, but suddenly becomes insanely angry around Hollows and Arrancar. That's fine, but, you should've gone into why that is. Sometimes the "why's" give us a much better picture of the reasons behind why a character is the way they are.
 * Points: 16/25


 * History: Okay, I have to say something here as well. If your character's childhood is a mystery, that's fine, but don't state that and then go into a big, long description of what their childhood is like. If its a mystery, its a mystery. As long as what is known about them is explained decently, I don't care how long the section is, but I've seen to many of these characters that have, "Their past is a mystery", and then launch into four paragraphs on that past. /rant Other than that, its a fairly basic history, which tries a bit too hard to stay with the plot of the canon Bleach. I totally don't mind characters that are tied into the canon, but make the writing more about them, rather than what they were doing in relation to what the canon characters are doing.
 * Points: 7/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Now this section I particularly loved. Lots of originality here, fairly good descriptions of his known techniques, and it covers a lot of ground. My only suggestion is that, if you're going to design a style of combat that you're character invented, it doesn't need to be so vague. "Only used to kill in the most extreme circumstances" could be referring to a deadly karate chop for all the reader knows, so you really need to work on exactly what the style does, and how it accomplishes that.
 * Points: 27/30


 * Grammar: As I said in my first bullet, I'm a huge grammar Nazi. That being said, this article is riddled with misspelling, punctuation errors, and tense changes that are abrupt and rather distracting. On that last point (tense changes), I'm not going to really penalize you, because I've just started writing stories in first person, present-tense (I'm used to third person, past tense), so I realize how quickly you can get confused between which to use and not even realize it until later. I don't penalize people for things I myself make mistakes on. But, as a fellow author, I feel I should at least point it out for your improvement's sake.
 * Points: 8/15

Total Points: 56/100  Ten Tailed Fox  20:47, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment
 * Appearance: Now, while the appearance section is rather brief and lacking, it is hardly the beef of an article. This doesn't mean it should be disregarded, by any means, but roughly it's hardly so important in the matter of this exam's proceedings. A better sense of transition would be good though, as it seems the description of his appearance and clothing seems to fly all over the place.
 * Points: 8/10 -2-10-10


 * Personality: Transition is another issue here as well. But most specifically, the issue here would be that there's too much focus on "relationships" with female officers. There's Momo, then Rukia, then Soifon, most of, if not all, seemingly goes against the nature of these characters has the canon has depicted of them. My advice would be to go back and work on showing more about his personality in regards to his views on morality. You have him listed as a "moral citizen", but you pretty much skip any explanation on what this means and what exactly makes him a moral citizen. This section reads more like a list of traits rather than a view on the character's persona and psyche, like a good personality section should be.
 * Points: 20/25


 * History: Transition, once again, becomes a lacking issue here. There's far too little description on how Shiroi formed these pacts with Urahara or Harribel, among others. Some areas present pointless facts as well, such as his relationship with a girl named Kin Sora, which isn't even mentioned once in the personality section. It's actually quite difficult to follow along in some areas, as the transition (as I mentioned before) is severely lacking and doesn't show what led to what, or how one event occurred, or if past events have had an effect on future and present events; nothing.
 * Points: 12/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Now, here, things seem to make a bit more sense. I do like how you've taken it upon yourself to separate things into different sections and how you've properly categorized his abilities and techniques out. The formatting is also quite well-done. However, the main issue is that his article's powers section reads too much like a general guide to the style rather than what he himself does with it. Especially regarding the Harurootasu style, there's too much about theory and what its general application is, rather than how Shiroi personally uses it. Additionally, how he developed it, how he trained to learn it, and what weaknesses and flaws he personally has with it.
 * Points: 25/30


 * Grammar: Seriously the biggest issue with this article. Lack of proper punctuation, nearly everywhere, and while there are misspellings here and there, it isn't hugely prominent.
 * Points: 13/15

Total Points: 78/100

--Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:51, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Skinnyberry9: Second Attempt
Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until March 17, 2014, next Monday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 20:55, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Shiroi Senkō I love PANCAKEZ 19:15, March 20, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Zf6hellion, and User:Blankslate

User:Somnium Fluxus' Assessment: Total Points: 80/100
 * Appearance: This section seems a bit incomplete as it does little to describe the character's hair and facial features. Aside from this, the section somewhat does a decent job at describing the character's general attire, so I'll be lenient.
 * Points: 7/10
 * Personality: Unfortunately, this section has only been marginally improved from my perspective; but now it reads too much like a History section. To add to everything I said in my previous review of this section, I would advise the author to focus less on describing the character's life-changing experiences and more on exactly what makes the character behaves a certain way and how they exhibit this behavior. The character's personality is not being clearly conveyed here; for example, while the author simply describes how a Hollow greatly enrages the character, are we to assume, from the description of events given, this change of demeanor only occurs whenever the character's parents are ill-mentioned, or does this simply make the character impulsive? As I said previously, this section has somewhat improved, so I'll raise the score.
 * ​Points: 20/25
 * History: While this section is, thankfully, not nearly as bad as it was previously, I still find that the character's history is incomplete and lacks believability; I find it particularly hard to believe that he would be allowed to simply take Yamamoto's Zanpakutō for no significant reason, for example.
 * ​Points: 15/20
 * Powers & Abilities: I have nothing new to say about this section, except that I believe the author could have provided more examples of how the character employs his innate abilities. While I cannot notice any significant changes, I do think my previous score was slightly too low.
 * ​Points: 27/30
 * Grammar: Every problem I pointed out previously is still present, but I forgot to inform that there is a difference in the usage of “it's” and “its”—“it's” is a contraction of “it is,” while “its” is a possessive pronoun.
 * ​Points: 11/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 14:18, March 27, 2014 (UTC)

User:Nisshou
Yukine Nagato --The Thirteenth Doctor (Fantastic-Allons-y-Geronimo) 13:48, March 11, 2014 (UTC)
 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Zf6hellion, and User:Blankslate

User:Silver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment
 * Appearance: There is a basic description of the character's clothing and personal features, even offering some small tidbits here and there such as being considered "good-looking" by Rukia and having received a scar from a confrontation with a Hollow. People seem to think the appearance section needs to be some big thing and hugely descriptive, but it really doesn't, the one present on Yukine's article is a perfect length.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Pretty spread out, the transition is done rather well and it gives you a nice insight into Yukine. But that being said, many sections are rather brief and don't go too much into his characteristics and how they interact. For example, in the first paragraph, you mention that he suffers from the "sins of the past", while in the second paragraph, you mention that he is strong-willed. These are two facets of a character's personality that you would typically expect to clash, and you should go into further detail about it; especially when the fourth paragraph mentions that he "grieves". In most common cases, characters depicted as strong-willed often hide these emotions and sadness, which you have mentioned, but when you say he grieves, you should go into greater detail as to how he deals with that pain and in what way he grieves. It seems to be the aspect that makes up a majority of his personality and thus should be further examined.
 * Points: 22/25


 * History: Rather standard, I have no specific complaints about this section, although a good portion of it, if not all of it, seems a bit rushed and should be taken slower to accentuate the aspects of his past that correlate with established personality traits.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: It is a nice change of pace to see someone attempt a Quincy for this examination, which is significantly harder to do given a very loose measuring bar existing for power levels between them and Shinigami. Giving him the elemental power of water is also a nice touch, though this is what I meant earlier. It would've been nice to see some characteristics written in his personality regarding what about him makes water such a good representation. The only real issue I have is that his abilities seem a little all over the place. You mention his water affinity, then his Quincy skills, then Jinki powers, and then the power of flight. It is important to establish a connection between a character's abilities and skills so that they are well-rounded instead of all over the place. Try to focus the character's skills and tie them all together. Additionally, you've taken the time to explain the character's skills quite well, but I see little to nothing about his weaknesses with the skills or what he hopes to improve; especially when it comes to his Quincy skills. Overall though, that is nit-picking and it is still quite well done.
 * Points: 25/30


 * Grammar: I'm not as much of a grammar nazi as some others here, so when I grade this section, I look merely to see if there are any gross misspellings or excessive lacking of punctuation. And quite honestly, I don't see anything wrong that would prompt loss of points.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 89/100 (This includes minus one point from the original score, which was 90/100, due to the fact that the article, at the time of my grading, was missing nearly 150 bytes from the minimum necessary count of 25,000.)

--Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 14:56, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion's Assessment:
 * Appearance: Its a pretty fine section, goes into enough detail about what he looks like, though I'd personally prefer more detail on his facial features myself, I know anime style is all about making faces about as detailed as a clean whiteboard, but even so, its nice to see what goes into making his face unique amongst the million other faces out there, rather than generic attractiveness. That said its good to see that, though he's considered attractive, its presented as a view from another character instead of saying that he is just because.
 * Points: 9/10


 * Personality: There's a lot of weirdness in here, saying he hates Humanity for one incident, that even at his age he should've been able to tell that something larger is going on, a random Human being able to kill his Quincy mother is a tad unusual after all (That, and as a Quincy, wouldn't he sense the Hollow Reiatsu/Reiryoku from within the possessed Human?). Outside of an apprehension to cutting down trees, I don't really see how one has a "kind" relationship with nature, especially one that results in attracting animals to you like a Disney princess. Other than that its not too bad, it moves from piece to piece decently and captures the usual traits of a teenager well enough though it doesn't stand out too well to me, his reclusiveness aside.
 * Points: 17/25


 * History: Nothing to really say here other than the complaints already levied regarding his parents' death and his reaction, from that I'll just echo Sei above that it feels a might rushed and could use a bit more development.
 * Points: 18/20


 * Powers & Abilities: Overall this is pretty well done, it goes into detail regarding a lot of his various skills, but there are a few hiccups here and there that I'll point out. First off is his "Enhanced Durability", which it isn't. He's copying the ability that Hollows have to create a second skin, durability in this case would be the strength of their own body, not the Hierro, for Yukine this would be the same as Kenpachi protecting himself from attacks with his own Reiryoku, so it would be more appropriately placed under his Spiritual Power or Reishi Manipulation sections and with a different name (Reishi Armour, etc.). Second is his "unique" manipulation of Reishi, spirit particles are spirit particles regardless of their source, they make up spiritual bodies but they don't share the same traits if broken down like Reiryoku or Reiatsu would. Quilge for instance, could absorb Ayon by breaking him down into individual Reishi where-as Reiryoku from a Hollow (Or those taking drugs to simulate same) would destroy the soul of a Quincy. So his ability to gather Reishi isn't particularly unique. Lastly, there's a few mentions of his Artificial Zanpakutō but not the object in question itself which causes confusion when parts of the article refer to it and we can't read up on it at all.
 * Points: 24/30


 * Grammar: I couldn't find any issues with the user's grammatical work, there are a few spelling mistakes here and there that should be poked around for and can be noted if requested.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points 83/100

Zf6hellion (talk) 23:19, March 12, 2014 (UTC)

Ten Tailed Fox's Assessment


 * Appearance: Nice, basic appearance section. Gives a pretty clear description of the character. I particularly like the albinism. That's not a very common trait of characters these days. I'd steer away from canon characters referring to him as handsome, but since you don't make it too big a deal, with only one mention that I'm seeing, I suppose its alright. All in all, good section, great way to start the article.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I'm pretty much in line with Sei as to the opinion on this section. Its good, well written, and transitions well, but there are several inconsistencies. For starters, a human that prefers nature to cities isn't "strange". Its just a preference. Also, I feel the section is a bit too vague. Explain what happened to his parents, albeit briefly (even though it will be in the History section), and then go into why he is the way he is. Simply stating that "what happened to his parents" or "because his parents were killed" doesn't tell me a lot, because many people have lost parents, and all of them deal with it differently. Other than that, I have no qualms with the section. Like the previous section, it is well written and clearly thought out.
 * Points: 24/25


 * History: The history section, while well written, is pretty basic. Not a bad thing, but the parents dying in a Hollow/Arrancar attack trope does get old after awhile. Especially when the child is affected by it in an almost (forgive the reference) "Sasuke-like" fashion. Not that I would deduct points for that. As I said, it's well written and explains why the character ended up where he did, so it still accomplishes its goal.
 * Points: 15/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I have no real comments about this section, sans the following: One, its nice to see someone taking the time to section out their character's abilities and really give them some focus. Secondly, its refreshing to see another Jinki Fragment around here. All in all, good section.
 * Points: 27/30


 * Grammar: Of all the characters I have personally graded, this one by far had the least spelling or grammatical errors. You are obviously a talented writer with a fairly decent command of the language. Unlike Sei, grammar really bugs the hell out of me, so the fact that I didn't notice any glaring issues is a good sign.
 * Points: 15/15

Total: 91/100  Ten Tailed Fox  01:25, March 13, 2014 (UTC)

Blankslate's Assessment

Points: 9/10
 * Appearance: I don't usually pay much attention to this section if you have pictures of the character, but you've structured it well enough to give me a rundown on what he'd look like without pictures.

Points: 23/25.
 * Personality: Pretty much the same opinion as the others above. Like Ten said, it'd be a good idea to have a brief explanation on what happened to his parents that's shaped him into what he is now. Since the personality is the thing they'll read before history, you'll hook them that way and have them wanting more explanations as to what exactly went on. Other than that minor issue, it still gets the job done.

Points: 15/20
 * History: First problem I see is that he's part of the Kurosaki Family, which isn't a big problem or anything, but it's still something that I personally don't think would be a good idea. We aren't exactly sure about how that family works or even how big it is, but again, nothing major. As the others have said, having the parents die by a Hollow/Arrancar attack is... not very original or even that interesting, at least to me. Other than that, it's an alright section.

Points: 29/30
 * Powers & Abilities: Probably the best segment in this article. You've taken time in planning out the guy's powers and proving that he's got his own mettle, but still has a ways to go. To keep it short and to the point, good work.

Points: 15/15
 * Grammar: Nothing worth mentioning on my end.

Yeeeeeah! Now it&#39;s a party! (talk) 23:41, March 13, 2014 (UTC)

User:Zf6hellion
Glaciersharp, History's a little... eh, but here's hoping it works. Zf6hellion (talk) 11:10, March 19, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Prodigy X, and User:Blankslate

UserSilver-Haired Seireitou's Assessment:


 * Appearance: I found this truly amazing. It's honestly the best appearance section I've seen on this exam, and definitely one of the best on the site by far. Of course, this may be because, since Hollows have monstrous forms, there is more material to write about. But that doesn't discount your effort either.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: Well, one thing I liked the most about this character is that you actually went into his personality regarding his time as a human. Not only that, but you properly characterized the struggle of a soul as it is still a Hollow. This takes us back to the beginning of Bleach, when we witnessed Sora trying to regain his humanity while as a Hollow. However, I should note that it feels a bit rushed, as it'd be nicer to hear more about himself as a Hollow rather than how he once was a human, as information about himself as a human should be reserved solely for the history, unless you explicitly state that those personality traits have specific bearing on his Hollow behavior. Now, you have done that, but there's still too much focus on past traits merging into his current state rather than what the impact of the experience of being a Hollow has had on him. In sum, I'm sort of nit-picking here.
 * Points: 23/25


 * History: Now... this. This is a perfect example of a proper history. As expected of a Hollow character, it would definitely be impressive to document their life as a human and their eventual descent into becoming a Hollow. I honestly can't find too much fault with this section, if any at all.
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: The natural abilities is excellently done, I have no complaints. However, in terms of Hollow powers, It'd be nice to see more of unique variations of existing Hollow powers. By viewing this section alone, I see a standard Hollow with the added ice power. The ice power is definitely a nice touch, and I commend you for it, but it doesn't mean you should ignore pre-existing Hollow abilities. You did something unique with High-Speed Regeneration, and it'll be nice to see you do the same with other techniques too.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: No comment really, everything is in order from my perspective.
 * Points: 15/15

Total Points: 96/100

--Silver-Haired Seireitou (talk) 03:37, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

User:Somnium Fluxus's Assessment: Total Points: 98/100
 * Appearance: This is honestly one of most detailed Appearance sections I have ever seen. The author has done a fantastic job of describing the character's image.
 * ​Points: 10/10
 * Personality: Well-organized, original, and highly appealing; I have no complaints.
 * ​Points: 25/25
 * History:  Magnificent. Not only is the character's history brilliantly original, for it also splices nicely with the character's established personality and does a wonderful job of helping readers to better understand him. I do think it reads slightly too much like a story, but this is a minor complaint.
 * ​Points: 19/20
 * Powers & Abilities: The character's abilities are believable while still managing to be surprisingly original and in-depth; this is especially impressive when the character is relatively weak. Another well-done section that obviously displays the author's great effort in this particular work.
 * ​Points: 30/30
 * Grammar: Overall, there is nothing seriously wrong here; the author has even managed to avoid many common errors such as the misuse of “whom” I've complained about twice already. It must be noted that there are a few minor misspellings; some sentences could have used slightly better construction.
 * ​Points: 14/15

Somnium Fluxus (talk) 05:43, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

User:Prodigy X’s Assessment:


 * Appearance: To cite Sei, I must agree that this section was “truly amazing”. Very few people, save for myself, put this much effort into the character's appearance, going as far to describe things that are both visible and non-visible in his imagery. It shows great skill and the correct usage of descriptive phrases worked wonders when trying to envision this hulking beast, even without his picture.
 * Points: 10/10


 * Personality: I very much enjoyed this section, mostly because of how much of his personality is routed in his human past. He carries a lot of himself over from being a human and I like that he does retain small fragments of memories from this life. I really like the woman that he remembers the enigmatic woman of his dreams and how that really effects his personality, too; I see a lot of room for future potential. I would have liked more of a focus on how he is now, though, and how his life as a hollow has affected his personality more. You have how he likes to constantly plug himself, letting everyone know who he is as well as his constant boasting and these are certainly more hollow-based personality traits. But how much of his personality actually carries over from his human life and how much was developed after the fact?
 * Points: 20/25


 * History: A recurring, and truly fantastic, theme in your history sections is your masterful use of real world knowledge of history and research. I mean, in the first few sentences alone, you mention vital facts of his humanity; that he was born in the year 837, he was a member of the Britons, he immigrated to Armorica of the Broërec kingdom. My god... As you keep reading, it only gets better, especially when you read more about his human life and his descent into a hollow. It only gets better and more informative...amazing...
 * Points: 20/20


 * Powers & Abilities: I very much enjoyed his natural abilities section and thought that it was done quite well, so no complaints there. The spirit ice is also a rather good touch, as well, especially how you incorporated that power into his version of High Speed Regeneration. Really, the only reason that I subtracted the two points is that I feel his ability to manipulate temperature as easy as he does given his power level. You gave him the reiatsu equivalent to a sixth or seventh seat but there was really no limit as to how readily he could freeze objects. When is his reiatsu is weakened from battle (in other words, is running low), is the ice weakened? Is there a limit to how much he can freeze in this state? With this small problem aside, I feel that you did quite well.
 * Points: 28/30


 * Grammar: There were very, very few problems that I happen to spot by chance (and only because I read over everything with great care). There were two run on sentences in the personality and a misspelling of reptilian. Honestly though, that is about all I could find and that is a big, BIG leap.
 * Points: 14/15


 * Final Comments: While not a necessary section, I thought it would be proper to commend you on your efforts with Glaciersharp. I found him to be quite interesting, as well as one of the best articles in the entire exam so far, which is a feat in of itself. This article sets the bar rather high for other participants, myself included, and I hope that you continue to be an inspiration to new users.

Total Points: 92/100

  Prodigy    ( Speak the Truth ) 17:26, March 25, 2014 (UTC)

User:Paradise Paradox
Leon Herzfeld I am the Good, I am the Bad, we are the same causing a Paradise Paradox 16:16, March 31, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Stylx
Kei Hirata, hopefully I did well enough, oh this is going to be fun. User:Stylx 21:34, April 4, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:Rwik66
Yashiro Seiryu Nakagawa Rwik66 (talk) 11:37, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

This is my first character on this site. So who knows the results.Rwik66 (talk) 11:38, April 5, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion

User:ShikonChireru
Noire Amakuni

ShikonChireru (talk) 19:39, April 5, 2014 (UTC)I hope I did well enough, but I won't know until I'm judged.ShikonChireru (talk) 19:39, April 5, 2014 (UTC)


 * Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion