Thread:Zf6hellion/@comment-18812574-20141015053921/@comment-24984058-20141029191830

Now that I have cooled off a little bit, I would like to announce an apology, as well. To be honest, I was not even going to say anything at all but I noticed that Alpha jumped in (and I did not ask him to, either) and, since I was pretty pissed off, I figured I might as well jump in and add my two cents. 

I guess the biggest thing that annoyed me was the fact that Z was pissed about me starting stuff and then not finishing it. It isn’t that I ‘’don’t want’’ to finish, or even start stuff, but, rather, that I find it hard, with my college schedule, to find the time to start or continue stuff. I am going to be real here: I am tired of blowing smoke up everyone’s ass. I have OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and, basically, my form of OCD makes me a very, ‘’’VERY’’’ orderly person. I do not like to start my stories until all of the pages are done and done in completion, including main characters, back-up characters, techniques, cities…everything. I don’t mean just putting a few lines for each section, either, I mean full, in depth analysis’s of personality disorders, powers, appearances, essentially making the article look something like this when it is done…only longer. When I start a story, I want everything to be completed before so that it flows better and I am not caught with my pants down in an RP or make it seem like I am making shit up as I go along (say, if the powers section is not). Now, I will be the first to admit that my ideas tend to morph and evolve, often in great bounds, but that is how my brain works. I am a very analytical person and my mind runs a mile a minute and this, mixed with my inability to find free time in my schedule, often makes plots seem complete different. I will say that this is perhaps one of my more fatal flaws but I am taking steps to help this; I am only going to start two stories here (my Quincy story and my Fullbringer story). Those plots have been rather concrete for some time, at least the past month, and the changes that I have made only affect my main characters in the least. It has also never been my intention to “rope someone in with promises of a collaboration ” and then flat out dump the thing to get my kicks. I do start a majority of my stories, one way or another, when I can find the time to get around to them. The opposite is also true of this, as well: if I am such a bad person to collaborate with, why do people agree to do so? It is easy enough to say “no thank you”.

That takes me to my next point of contention in this post: staying in contact with others. Again, I am going to be real here since I am tired of all the lies and shit and I am going to be straight forward. There is one computer at my house and that is my mother’s. It is to be used solely for schoolwork and research only and I am not even allowed to be drawing or writing any of my stories during the semester (my mother’s rule). You see, since she is paying for all of my college, she wants my main focus to be on my schoolwork and I take this very seriously. I do not have a job, namely because my mother will not let me get one, and I do not have thousands of dollars for my tuition should she choose not to pay it. She made this rule because she used to be a full time college student (12+ credit hours) during the day and work a full time job from midnight to eight in the morning only to wake up a few hours later and start the cycle over again. She wants a better life for me and to create opportunities for me that I do not have without having to sacrifice health (given that such a cycle as she went through is not healthy for anyone). Furthermore, I do not have any classes on Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and therefore not on the computer. Even when I am at college on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, 1:50pm-4:30pm Eastern Time, my main focus is studying for tests and researching paper topics/those topics. I ‘’’always’’’ do these first and then, if I have time, I answer messages and edit works. I cannot even count the number of times that I have had to run across campus because I realized that I only had 3-5 minutes to get to class. I do not have the luxury of having bundles and bundles of extra time on my hands to come home from college (or work) to get online and sit and edit for a few hours, hell, even a few minutes. 

If, after reading any of this, anyone feels that I could do more to be more involved in my stories, feel free to let me know. Again my schedule of free time is Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, 1:50pm-4:30pm Eastern Time minus the time spent on research and studying tests. If, after reading any of this, anyone feels that I am not giving my best to be involved in my stories, I will quit now and I will leave the site for good. 

Perhaps the thing that upset me the most was the fact that Z and I used to be super close on Naruto Fanon before bringing our particularly brand of awesomeness here to. Christ, I used to think of him as one of the closest friends on the site and one of my ‘’’only’’’ friends in the real world. After I left the Quincy story, though, we grew apart and, for me, I left simply because I did not want to hold you guys back. I did not want to drag down a story that I knew I was not going to be able to be in 100%. Z became very intolerant of that, though, because he thought that I was just “bailing” on the story, even though I gave him the story to take as his own and redo as he saw fit, telling him that my schedule was not going to work with it. If it bothered you that much that I “bailed” on you guys, why did you not come talk to me then and there if you really felt that strongly about it? It may have even saved the friendship, one that I thought was worth saving.