Thread:Prodigy X/@comment-4509522-20130302213959/@comment-4509522-20130312015052

Alright, now that i've looked at both pages and their respective histories, i've come to the conclusion that you need to do quite a lot of changes in terms of how you're making your main character. At this point, I THINK you have two, and after looking at them extensively, I personally think it's a matter of choosing one over the other, because clearly, one of them is more interesting than, or has more potential than the other. Now, this will be blunt, but no offense is intended from me whatsoever.

First, Taika Aokowa (previously Suteibu Aokowa). I'll go ahead and tell you, by the time you and I started the Devil's Own, I was actually fond of Taiga's set up, even though it still needed work. Holland Novak was an interesting choice for appearance, the color of his Reiatsu was pretty cool (dat green), his Zanny was okay, though I loved it's Bankai. I liked his Hollowfication, even if his 100% Hollowfied form was pretty much a differently colored Hollow Ichigo's. With all of that, I was looking forward to fighting him.

Problems: Now, however, the changes that Taiga has had put on him are...a little less than desirable. Firstly, using Tensa Zangetsu as a Bankai appearance is, well, I shouldn't have to really say what's wrong with that. Even if you have recolored it and it's blast attacks, people still aren't going to like it. If he had it as a Shikai, it'd be better...but still pretty weird. Also, this Sombra concept isn't needed, honestly. I think you had it better set up when he was simply a Shinigami-Hollow hybrid. I'm fine with him being part Arrancar and part Shinigami. We've yet to see whether or not that's even possible, but shit, everyone here has made assumptions on how stuff in Bleach works and be proven wrong later, and yet still keep working under their previous idea. Therefore, I liked it when he could activate Hollowfication with just a flick of his eyes. That was pretty freaking cool to be honest. So really, his Zanpakuto and Hollowfication need work done to them to make them more unique.

Now, Suteibu Aokowa.....-sighs and rubs tendons- Remember when I said that this message would be blunt? Well, this is it. This dude, from what i've read, is Ichigo with black hair. I swear to all that is great in this garbage pail we call America, that's just how it is. I'm sorry if I sound offensive in this, I really do, but man...this just isn't a good character at all, hardly.

Problems: First and foremost, look at what I posted above. That should be all the reason in the world for you to either revamp or scrap this guy one. Ichigo clones are not cool, alright? They aren't. I know many people like Ichigo and all, but slapping some hair paint on him, giving him a different name, and slightly altering their Zanpakuto to where they are basically a modified Zangetsu, is amateur and unprofessional. If i'm not mistaken, I believe Ten Tails hammered down on you for doing this same thing a few months back, and with good reason. These guys aren't appealing, Prodigy. For the most part, they're eyesores. Yes, you gave him a different looking Shikai. Bravo. But his Bankai? His Bankai is Tensa Zangetsu with a different colored top. I know he's supposed to be an author avatar, but by reading his personality section, it's almost too close to Ichigo's own.

''When Suteibu was a child, he was very kind and helpful, always going out of his way to make sure that everyone around him was happy. He had a sweet disposition and was always found to be smiling and laughing with his surrogate family and friends, which he seemed to have an abundance of. He used to be very shy though, which many thought to be strange since he had so many friends throughout his early childhood.''

So was Ichigo.

''After the defeat of his surrogate mother, Suteibu became a completely different person and this change was almost immediate and readily apparent to anyone who knew him personally. He is always found to be readily speaking his mind, even if the mood does not permit the type of comments that he is making. As a result, he has the mind set of not caring about what other people think of him and really marches to the beat of his own drum. He takes orders from no one and does not like to be told what to do; if he wishes to do something, then he will do it without question. He is not the type of person who ignores injustice and is often the first person to either protect or defend anyone who is in need of assistance''.

Again...so is Ichigo...*twitches*

''Overall, Suteibu is often found to have a rather blank or emotionless expression which was most likely caused by the severe trauma that he suffered with the defeat of his mother. When his family or friends are threatened, however, Suteibu has a tendency to become much more serious and his expression and tone may become a little more steely and demeaning. There are instances, however, when Suteibu has been shown to flash a smile or chuckle, although these are extremely rare....He seems to be genuinely worried when '[his friends]' are in danger and will never hesitate to use his full power in order to protect them. If necessary, he will even put himself into harm's way in order to ensure their absolute safety and protection''.


 * grits teeth* ...Gee, just like that OTHER CHARACTER!!!!!!!

See what i'm getting at here? Also, his backstory is kinda similar to old TBF Rushifa's, the whole Tier-mom thingy. Strange, eh? >-> Plus, I don't think that yellow color fits him. In fact, i'd say it's downright ugly to look at :<

Nah, I kid x3

C'mon man, I know you're capable of much more original, better works besides this. I'm sure you had good intentions for this character, but I just don't think it's a good idea for you to make him your focus. He's just too much like Ichigo for me to see him as a promising character.

Advice: Really, I have one real option to come to. Well, two really, but one is major and one is minor. The minor one is to Scrap Suteibu Aokowa. I'm telling you dude, he isn't a good character currently. Hell, even if you kept working on him in his current state, he would still be percieved as an Ichigo clone from his looks and personality alone. From my standpoint, the best thing you can do is scrap him and either focus on Taiga, or do something new with him. The major option is to Merge Suteibu and Taiga into One Character. Seeing as how both are Sombra, and are your main characters, and have powers that you like, and both use the same powers and abilities pictures just with different colors, it seems like a good idea to me for you to blend them both together into one character. From what I can tell, Taiga's Zanpakuto seems to be the issue with him, as it's changed quite a bit.

Here's what I would do in your place. Keep Taiga's appearance the same. I'm not calling out your photoshop skills (it's not something you learn how to use quickly), but using Ichigo as a base and just changing his eye and hair color....well, look at my rant above. Holland is unique for an appearance; I haven't seen someone use him before. Add to that, the mix of colors with him, the grey hair and the green Spiritual Pressure is eye-candy to me, it's very fitting. Now, if you want an author avatar, go ahead and do so. I'd keep his personality the same, or i'd leave it the way it is on Taiga's. Something else you need to work on is the Zanpakuto. Taiga's Zanpakuto isn't very interesting, currently, but giving him a bigass sword like Suteibu has could be awesome. Hell, maybe for Bankai, you could say he hasn't achieved it yet, that he's still learning how to acquire his. But if that doesn't suit you, i'd go back with summoning a bigass green dragon for my Bankai, raining hell down upon the baddies below me. When my foes have drove my back against the wall, I don those black and green eyes and fight them all with power none of them comprehended otherwise. And when a powerful enemy has their foot on my face, pinning my practically defeated form to the ground, the darkness from within me takes control, and my fully Hollowfied form finishes this fight, destroying my enemy with one precise, finishing black and green Cero.

-puts on shades- Now that...would be freaking cool. =3=

This is just my advice. If you want to keep going the way you're going, then go ahead, no one's stopping you. But I implore that you at least consider what I have to say. Again, I know you've had good intentions for Suteibu, but i'm telling you bro, he isn't a good character, and he probably won't be a good character any time soon at the current rate he's going. My advice is to work more on Taiga and flesh him out as much as you can, put your effort into him, because i believe that he's far more interesting and has much more potential than a black haired Ichigo.

I'm interested in your stories because I can see that they have potential, and so do you. You have interesting set ups, you and Mal both, even if you guys can have some strange ideas sometimes, and your characters are all interesting, for the most part. I see opprotunity between us, and for that to happen, I want to help you to get better at this.

I look forward to your reply :3